Running out of steam!!

[Gillybuns]

My Dad is in moderate stages of Dementia, still at home by himself with some help. However, he is starting to wander more frequently and i'm worried about the winter months if he goes out and falls.

Funding is in place for a Care Home but the snag is, because of the wandering and the fact he makes sexual remarks, (verbal rather than psychical) due to his illness, i'm finding it difficult to find a home that will take him. He's not far enough advanced for an EMI Unit, but he does need looked after round the clock.

My Dad surely can't be the first to have this problem. I do know of course the women residents in a home have to feel safe and secure, but i don't what the answer is now.

Losing patience with my social worker who thinks my dad should go into EMI, this from a woman who has met my dad for all of 20 minutes.

Any suggestions, please.

 

[oneloopylady]

What a sad situation for you.

My dad is in a CH and he too uses very inappropriate language, mainly to young girl staff, which is hoorendous for us to hear. The CH are well trained in dementia, and they seem to know how to cope with his sexual innuendoes and other challenging behaviours.

Mentally, my dad is still quite sharp in many ways, and definitely a lot more clued up than many poor souls in his home, but it is a mixed home so has others who are not too far down the dementia road too. But because dementia can be so challenging, often the EMI units are the ones who are best able to cope......

Although your dad may not 'meet the criteria' for EMI, if he has issues with innapropriate behaviour/comments, then an EMI place could well be a good move because they do know how to handle this kind of behaviour, whereas a 'residential home only' doesn't always have staff trained to deal with the more complex areas of dementia and he could then have to move again to an EMI unit, which could cause deterioration in his dementia, because most dementia sufferers get more confused with every move.

I hope you find a satisfactory solution for all of you but there are no easy answers, sadly.

Hugs
Trisha

 

[Witzend]

The thing is, if you place someone with dementia in a home that is not specialist dementia, I.e. there are residents without dementia, then it is highly likely that sooner or later their behaviour may start to bother the people without dementia. And then it is all too likely that you will be asked to move them, because even if they don't complain themselves, their relatives probably will.

This can apply to all sorts of dementia-related behaviour, not just anything of a sexual nature. We had to move an aunt because she was starting to bother and upset the non dementia residents. It is very hard, though, to find the right care home in such circumstances - you have all my sympathy.

 

[Gillybuns]

What a sad situation for you.

My dad is in a CH and he too uses very inappropriate language, mainly to young girl staff, which is hoorendous for us to hear. The CH are well trained in dementia, and they seem to know how to cope with his sexual innuendoes and other challenging behaviours.

Mentally, my dad is still quite sharp in many ways, and definitely a lot more clued up than many poor souls in his home, but it is a mixed home so has others who are not too far down the dementia road too. But because dementia can be so challenging, often the EMI units are the ones who are best able to cope......

Although your dad may not 'meet the criteria' for EMI, if he has issues with innapropriate behaviour/comments, then an EMI place could well be a good move because they do know how to handle this kind of behaviour, whereas a 'residential home only' doesn't always have staff trained to deal with the more complex areas of dementia and he could then have to move again to an EMI unit, which could cause deterioration in his dementia, because most dementia sufferers get more confused with every move.

I hope you find a satisfactory solution for all of you but there are no easy answers, sadly.

Hugs
Trisha

Thanks Trisha,

It would seem our Dad's are much the same stage. Sometimes he can be quite alert and i wonder if i am doing the right thing by putting him in a home, other times he is forgetful etc but never at an advanced stage. i feel like nobody wants him, harsh i know, but that's how i feel.

 

[Gillybuns]

The thing is, if you place someone with dementia in a home that is not specialist dementia, I.e. there are residents without dementia, then it is highly likely that sooner or later their behaviour may start to bother the people without dementia. And then it is all too likely that you will be asked to move them, because even if they don't complain themselves, their relatives probably will.

This can apply to all sorts of dementia-related behaviour, not just anything of a sexual nature. We had to move an aunt because she was starting to bother and upset the non dementia residents. It is very hard, though, to find the right care home in such circumstances - you have all my sympathy.

Thanks Witzend,

Your user name put a wee smile on my face, i'm sure we've all felt like that at some point.

You are right, i just see things my side, and i wonder how the heck they think they can't manage him, but i do understand other residents should never feel uncomfortable. One CH i have looked at, the Manager has said she does have other Dementia residents in early to moderate stages, but none use innapropriate
remarks, she could take him on a trial but if his behaviour became a real problem he would have to be moved to the EMI Unit. But even she agreed she didn't think my Dad was ready for that particular unit at present. Social Worker is saying NO to this. No wonder i'm confused.