Run down again

[JMU]

I'm feeling unwell again. I haven't been sleeping well lately- lots of nightmares, and now I'm low on energy, dizzy, headachy.
This has been going on for years (since before dad was diagnosed) on and off. I even went through a series of tests to find out if I had a problem with my heart at one point but there was nothing found. It's almost certainly related to all the stress I'm under but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to cope with.
Feeling like this it's so much harder to care for dad. Just the idea of having to work all day and then carry on when I get home leaves me worn out and grouchy. And dad's constantly asking me to do things with him- go for a walk, go out somewhere and I don't want to leave the house.
I'm feeling dizzy right now, but short of staring at a wall all day I don't know what I can do. I can't even afford the luxury of a lie in in the morning as dad is calling for me from his room.
And last night he had an episode of sundowning. He was demanding to go to bed from seven. Then he was up again at eight, and nine, and calling to me whether it was time to get up when I went to bed at ten. That didn't exactly prepare me for a good night's sleep.
This is having an impact on me at work too- my job is quite physical, and one of the things I suffer from when I'm run down is vertigo. The last time that happened my boss banned me from doing half the work I needed to, which didn't exactly create a good impression.
I'm really in need of a break right now to refuel.

 

[meme]

well your body is sending you a clear message... you must find a way to get help with Dads care or a break for you so you can stop this downward spiral....

 

[kingmidas1962]

I was just wondering if you had any contact with Social Services at all, as you don't mention any additional carers.

You know, you don't have to do this on your own. Its very noble but its clearly playing HAVOC with your health.

Please contact your local social services department and tell them you are on the verge of a carer breakdown - as this may well be where you're heading if you carry on. I hope that doesn't sound too blunt, I'm sorry if it does.

Tell them how it is, on the WORST day - not on the times when you think you can muddle through. Lay it on THICK.

Please get some help though, before you make yourself really poorly. If you are ill, who will care for your dad then?

Sending you a big virtual hug xxxx

 

[2jays]

I'm feeling unwell again. I haven't been sleeping well lately- lots of nightmares, and now I'm low on energy, dizzy, headachy.
This has been going on for years (since before dad was diagnosed) on and off. I even went through a series of tests to find out if I had a problem with my heart at one point but there was nothing found. It's almost certainly related to all the stress I'm under but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to cope with.
Feeling like this it's so much harder to care for dad. Just the idea of having to work all day and then carry on when I get home leaves me worn out and grouchy. And dad's constantly asking me to do things with him- go for a walk, go out somewhere and I don't want to leave the house.
I'm feeling dizzy right now, but short of staring at a wall all day I don't know what I can do. I can't even afford the luxury of a lie in in the morning as dad is calling for me from his room.
And last night he had an episode of sundowning. He was demanding to go to bed from seven. Then he was up again at eight, and nine, and calling to me whether it was time to get up when I went to bed at ten. That didn't exactly prepare me for a good night's sleep.
This is having an impact on me at work too- my job is quite physical, and one of the things I suffer from when I'm run down is vertigo. The last time that happened my boss banned me from doing half the work I needed to, which didn't exactly create a good impression.
I'm really in need of a break right now to refuel.

I had all you are feeling - dizziness, nightmares, low energy all what you are describing.
My stress counselling has helped me understand and notice the trigger signs.

What you are feeling, in my opinon, is severe stress. There can be only one outcome if you keep ignoring it - a major crisis.

Follow the advice - get help for your dad and you. Scarey, but if you don't, it could get worse.

Huge hugs and understanding of exactly how you feel. Even the thought of sorting out help is difficult to work out how to do, but do it you must, and you will survive, and sort something, despite feeling that you won't be able to do it.

xx

 

[Big Effort]

Good morning JMU,
I am sorry to hear about the range of symptoms and concerns you have. When you are caring for someone who needs loads of attention and supervision, and what your head tells you is you need rest, and distance from all the chaos....

First I think the weather, constant changes, ice, wind, rain, snow, sun, plays havoc with anyone who has these kind of health sensitivities.

Second I do yoga nidra, (a kind of deep relaxation, relax the body - and I can now sense my body going to sleep - and keep my mind awake - then I let my mind go to sleep - and yet I am awake. Big question, if my body sleeps and my mind sleeps - what is awake? This is the fascinating thing.) Since starting this 9 months ago I have never looked back. They say 1 hour of yoga nidra is the equivalent of 4 hours sleep. Must be because I hardly sleep at all. I could send you the instructions - in fact I am thinking of making a package for those of us who need inner TLC.

Third, take a look at your thoughts. If your thoughts are adding to the burden, question them. Find a new perspective that works better. Sometimes when I have had virtually no sleep, I ask myself how I really am, and often the answer is 'tired, but not too bad'. The thing is we tend to believe our thoughts. If you think you are tired, but coping Ok, often things will improve.

Fourth, I see you are worried about health issues. You can see this as your body collapsing under strain. Or you can take quiet time out with your diary, really really think about what your body is telling you - and you may find your body is telling you something, but you haven't taken the time to listen to its real message. I have added yoga (the physical one) to my daily regime, just 12 minutes to stretch, twist, nourish my back and abdomen. I am gobsmacked. Husband envious, and has taken up same. Now Mum is imitating us!

We have enough drama going on here (chimney fire last night!!!!), snow on the ground, not allowed to light the stove until viewed by experts and new flue installed. Well I could go insane, tear my hair out, but happily I seem to be well balanced and all is well.

Sending you much sympathy, will hold you in my thoughts during yoga nidra, and take an hour or two out to really find a way of getting uninterrupted JCU time each day. Hoping for Best Possible Outcomes JCU. Hugs - by the way I had low blood pressure in Germany, no sympathy for that, by the way. Doc told me to start my day by eating a couple of very salty anchovies (salt raises blood pressure) and a glass of champagne. So how about it, get yourself a cook-at-home pizza and lay on a few anchovies, and sip on a bit of bubbly. Hugs, BE

 

[JMU]

Thanks for all your advice.
Dad does have a social worker. He organised for dad to go to day care twice a week, and have carers in to check on him at lunch time. While this is all a relief as I know he's being checked on while I am at work, I see nothing of them myself. My two days off the day care centre is closed, so he goes there an hour after I leave for work (he's picked up) and arrives home an hour before I get back. Similarly the carers who come in to him only do so when I am at work.
I have nothing against the social worker, but apart from setting things up originally he has not been much use. Now it seems we can't even get hold of him- my sister has tried and apparently his number no longer works (I do all the caring, my attempts to involve family have led nowhere). During the social worker's last visit he promised to look into the option of respite but as I have not heard from him since that has got nowhere. And as for a carer's assessment- I filled one those in six months ago and never heard anything from it.
I have had counselling for my stress/anxiety issues. As I said they date back to long before dad became ill, at least from when I was six years old if not before. They stem from growing up in an insecure environment when I had no support. I'm over that now, but anxiety has become my default reaction and I'm finding it very hard to train myself out of those thoughts and actions. I know they impact on my health and I'm 98% certain that's why I now feel the way I do. The nightmares, for example, all feature dad one way or another. It doesn't help that I don't outwardly show many of the signs that people with anxiety show. On the surface I appear to be coping well, and I find it really hard to ask for help.
It doesn't help that I am a fair bit younger than most people in our position. I know there is lots of help and support out there, and I love the support I get from the people on this site, but actually meeting other carers tends to make me uncomfortable- not because of my age so much as they feel they have to be extra nice to me! Plus in a sense I have been caring for one or other of my parents for as long as I can remember- my father is physically disabled, my mother (to put it bluntly) was mentally ill. A very insecure part of me feels that this is my duty, and I shouldn't need help.
Sorry that sounds desperate. I don't exactly mean it that way.

 

[joanne d]

Poor you

Hi there,

I 'm sure there are more experienced people on here that can give you advice but i would just like to send you a big hug and reassurance that you are not on your own. I am in a similar position to you in that I find it difficult to ask for help and am left to do the lion's shre of the caring despite having a sibling.
I had a bit of a mini breakdown last week which I thought I would never get over (how can things get better when my parents health won't) but I took myself out of the equation for a few days. Told my brother he needed to take over and i could no longer cope. My sis in law has been visiting mry parents since Saturday and it has taken me until today to wind down and stop thinking of what I need to do for my parents. It was hard to do but such a relief when I accepted it . I am not fully better but I am getting there....
Let go of control and let someone else take over. A sibling perhaps. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you need a break , and take it. I did and most of my symptoms have alleviated although it took me until yesterday to stop crying!

Good luck , I feel for you but i now know there is light at the end of the tunnel , I didn't believe this a couple of days ago , no matter what anyone said. Now I do.

Pick up that phone or send a text (which is what I did because I couldn't face another 'conversation') and go and stay with a friend for a few days. xx

 

[zoob]

I'm sorry to butt in on this thread but could you instruct me in yoga nidra Big Effort?!