Registered User
Apr 11, 2008
:(Hi - I am totally new to this forum and hope to get some help and advice. Gramps is 75 and been suffering from dementia for around 4 years. His care worker takes him out once a week which he loves. S Services in their wisdom have decided to have a shift around in the department and he is now faced with getting used to a 'stranger' - surely this is so wrong - he has not been consulted - this is so upsetting to him feelng he has such a lack of control - is there anything I can do? Also they tend to pick him up intermittently with no phonecall if they dont show up. My nan is 70 and is finding coping a problem - can anyone let me know what benefits she is entitled to etc. I would also like to know if there are any therapies I could try with him in order for him to get over his 'uselessness' feeling - he keeps telling everyone that he is useless. He is not useless and I would really love to work with him to show him he is not useless but a lovely grampa who just happens to have a cruel and nasty disease - any advice would be really gratefully received. Natalie xxx :confused:


Registered User
Aug 21, 2007
Hi Natalie and a warm welcome to TP.

I can only sympathise with you in this case, my Dad desperately needed a routine and became horribly confused when things were changed.

Your bit regarding feeling useless struck a chord, Dad was always saying this towards the end (sadly he passed away on Wednesday) and no amount of persuading otherwise would work. It was quite soul destroying to see the confusion on his face when he was saying it.

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice in this instance but there's others here who'll be able to guide you.

Many hugs,

AJay xxx
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Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
... he is not useless but a lovely grampa who just happens to have a cruel and nasty disease
How beautifully put, Natalie. :)

I'm afraid I have to be cynical about the services from my mum's memory team and SSD - those professionals who advocate the importance of routine - but themselves fail to deliver .. ... :mad:... not going there! ;)

In terms of 'usefulness' .... are there little tasks 'grampa' could be set? He must know how much you clearly love him .... is he able to write or draw? Could he produce or identify a picture every day to discuss with you when you visit....? Just trying to think along creative lines for something your nan could build into his routine and equally give him a sense of being able to accomplish something? It might help give some structure and focus to both their days? And knowing how much the effort would be appreciated ...... just an idea,

Love, Karen, x


Registered User
Apr 11, 2008
Hi Karen

Thanks for your reply - funnily enough Gramps used to sketch a lot - nothing major just doodles here and there ....Im torn between asking him to draw and him think he's producing rubbish and the opposite of him actually enjoying it ....think its worth the risk though! Thanks for all the replies - everyone seems so kind here. :)

N xx


Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
Hello Natalie and welcome to TP.

I agree with Karen in terms of what the professionals tell us WE should do and what THEY do. As far as your situation is concerned, I also agree that something creative would help, especially as you say your gramps used to enjoy sketching. Perhaps he needs some encouragement to persuade him and to stick at it, but you sound like you'll help him in that quarter. You could try putting together a 'memory box' with him. Souvenirs of places he and your gran have been, family photos, mementoes, an empty aftershave bottle (they often keep the scent for a while and can be good for conjuring up happier times - works for me - not that I wear aftershave:D )

In terms of benefits for your gran, I'm not sure, but off the top of my head, Carer's Allowance (maybe??), Attendance Allowance for your gramps (probably lower rate by the sounds of it) Council Tax rebate. I notice you're in Bridgend, so am not sure about English/Welsh entitlements and whether they differ, but at least it's a starting point. Am sure others will come up with more suggestions.

Post back and let us know how things are.:)