rolling review ! update

[HomeAlone]

mum went into care, on an emergancy basis...today i hear, she dosnt meet the criteria for residential care ! and will be returning home monday !.....so back to square 1...she furniture walks, is incontinant ( at times doubly ) weighs less than 6 stone, is manipulative with me ( emotionally )i feel used and abused, ive cared full time for her for 6 years, while other family have done nothing to help..my lifes been on hold , and remains so...i live with her, in her home, and have done for 25 years, do i really have no rights? i am 51..she is coming up 91, life is a rollarcoaster once more, i was just begining to feel my heart lighten and feelings of guilt etc subside, ha ! more fool me ay !!....my mental health has suffered and im yet again to be a prisoner here, with her needs and rights put before even my basic rights.....i needed to rant , sorry

 

[turbo]

Hello Home Alone, welcome to TP.
What a difficult situation to be in. What did your Mum think about being in the Care Home.? I was wondering if you could arrange some regular respite care. Six years is a long time to care for someone 24/7 without family support. You must be exhausted. Do you have any outside help at all.?
I have always found Age Concern helpful and it would be good for you to clarify the situation regarding the house. Please keep posting to let us know how you are etting on.

Turbo

 

[Sandy]

Hi HomeAlone,

mum went into care, on an emergency basis...today i hear, she doesn't meet the criteria for residential care !

This sounds very confusing to me. So, on Monday, the SW arranged an emergency placement for your mother. Do you know if this was considered 'respite' care?

I ask that as you used the term 'rolling' and the only way that I've seen that term used is as part of the term 'rolling respite' where a regular respite break is planned every 6/8 weeks or so.

Now, I'm not sure what you mean about her not meeting the criteria for residential care.

This could mean several things:

1. She doesn't want to stay in residential care and has the capacity to decide not to stay.

2. She is in need of funding from social services and they don't think her needs are acute enough to need 24/7 care.

What reasons did they give you about her not meeting the criteria for residential care?

Take care.

 

[HomeAlone]

Hello Home Alone, welcome to TP.
What a difficult situation to be in. What did your Mum think about being in the Care Home.? I was wondering if you could arrange some regular respite care. Six years is a long time to care for someone 24/7 without family support. You must be exhausted. Do you have any outside help at all.?
I have always found Age Concern helpful and it would be good for you to clarify the situation regarding the house. Please keep posting to let us know how you are etting on.

Turbo

she has 2 days at dementia day centre..the house is in her name, lthough it is as much my home..im not great at asking for help...because knock backs like these, she actually seemed to be ok in the home, even let them bathe her..but she is manipulative...so i guess she came over all sweet old lady, when that is far from the case, when at home, with me...thankyou for your kindness though i feel only thing left for me...is to walk away..i meet with the sw at the home on thursday, i feel defeated and am defeated

 

[HomeAlone]

Hi HomeAlone,



This sounds very confusing to me. So, on Monday, the SW arranged an emergency placement for your mother. Do you know if this was considered 'respite' care?

I ask that as you used the term 'rolling' and the only way that I've seen that term used is as part of the term 'rolling respite' where a regular respite break is planned every 6/8 weeks or so.

Now, I'm not sure what you mean about her not meeting the criteria for residential care.

This could mean several things:

1. She doesn't want to stay in residential care and has the capacity to decide not to stay.

2. She is in need of funding from social services and they don't think her needs are acute enough to need 24/7 care.

What reasons did they give you about her not meeting the criteria for residential care?

Take care.

1. i guess she told the sw, she didnt want to stay in residential care...and 2 she has the capacity to say she dosnt want to stay..but not the capacity to cook, clean, bath, or live safely at home, without me monitoring / aiding her...3 she could fund her own care, but they cant make her stay in care, it wasnt stated that it was respite, but obviously that was what it was, i will learn more on thursday from the sw...be interesting to hear their views on what if i give up. walk away ...but they know i never have before, ..so they are onto a safe bet ay ! rights...lol 1 way rights ! where are my rights ?

 

[dillydaydream]

My mother's social worker interviewed her and told us that she wasn't suitable for residential care - somebody who couldn't cook for themselves, take their medication, wash or dress themselves or know the difference between night and day and could wander out of the house at all times. Somebody who most of the time thought she was thirteen years of age.

I said that I wasn't prepared, after nine years, to continue to look after her so was handing the care over to them. Could you say the same - could you say you were going to leave the family home and your mother would be on her own? Our social worker quickly changed her mind when she realised that SS would be responsible for a very confused old lady of 89 - duty of care, etc. would lie with them, not you!

 

[HomeAlone]

My mother's social worker interviewed her and told us that she wasn't suitable for residential care - somebody who couldn't cook for themselves, take their medication, wash or dress themselves or know the difference between night and day and could wander out of the house at all times. Somebody who most of the time thought she was thirteen years of age.

I said that I wasn't prepared, after nine years, to continue to look after her so was handing the care over to them. Could you say the same - could you say you were going to leave the family home and your mother would be on her own? Our social worker quickly changed her mind when she realised that SS would be responsible for a very confused old lady of 89 - duty of care, etc. would lie with them, not you!

thankyou, i think im going to have to find strength, and not be brow beaten, and do as you did, and not accept the duty of care back, i will borrow your wording and say....after 6 years i am, not going to continue, and am handing the duty of care over to them, ..i have been thinking maybe i should go see the doctor and get reffered to a psychiatrist, as my mental health is at breaking, im not prepared to be walked on yet again

 

[HomeAlone]

rolling review ...update again

today , having been told previously by the SW, that mum didnt meet the criteria for residential care, i stood firm, and with the info ive gleamed here from , the kind people that answered my posts..mum suddenly meets the criteria.....she has been granted a further 6 weeks care, with the likely outcome , a full time placement...this morning mum accepted her need for care, and the effect it was having on me ...i feel a weights been lifted from me, and mum and i can resume our previous good relationship, now the burdon of 6 years full time care has been lifted from my shoulders.....i thank you all once again

 

[ChristineR62]

That's wonderful news, HomeAlone Once my mum went into residential care, our relationship improved no end, so I'm sure the same thing will happen for you and your mum.

Well done!

 

[Izzy]

Great news! Izzy x

 

[larivy]

so pleased for you love larivy

 

[Onlyme]

I am so pleased for you as you sounded so down in your last post.

I hope you get back to having a great relationship with your Mum again.

 

[turbo]

Hello Home Alone, that's such good news. Well done for getting it sorted.

Turbo

 

[HomeAlone]

Hello Home Alone, that's such good news. Well done for getting it sorted.

Turbo

Thankyou everyone...just been bought mum, new tv, and set it up as she likes it....its as if the last 6 years stress , have evaporated overnight....i hope everyone can find, the help they require, without having such a fight to obtain it...after all, we all share one comon thing, the love of our loved ones ..again Thankyou one and all

 

[dillydaydream]

So pleased you managed to persuade your social worker to change her assesment! It's just horrible though that we have to jump through so many hoops before we can get the help we need.
love
Carolyn

 

[Sam Iam]

Hiya HomeAlone,
As i read your thread i was becoming so anxious for you, with all that was happening and was glad to see the outcome.
I am so relieved for you to be able to go back to being your mother's daughter instead of your mother's carer.
I hope you continue to feel better. xxxx

 

[HomeAlone]

So pleased you managed to persuade your social worker to change her assesment! It's just horrible though that we have to jump through so many hoops before we can get the help we need.
love
Carolyn

it was your post that gave me the strength...i borrowed your words, that i wasnt prepared to accept the duty of care back , and hey presto ..also mum didnt recognise or remember the long chat, she had had, with the sw the day before! when apparantly she made it clear she wanted to return home...i think that clinched it, the fact that she had no recolection of it, or of the sw...anywayi feel so much better, i slept, feel calm , relaxed and am off to visit mum, this afternoon with the dog...relationship seems to be returning fast..and mum can see how a residential home is geared to elderlys needs, wide doors rails ensuite, easy lighting the lot! and now with her tv, im sure she will be fine