1. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    Hi everyone. I've not been online as my dads had a bad week or 2, sadly.
    He appeared to have another big TIA on Sunday but Monday a full blown stroke. He's right sided weakness but can still swallow and occasionally tries to speak. He's now in one of those huge recliner chairs awaiting a formal occ therapy assessment.
    There's not been a glimmer of recognition in his face for us for a while now, although he lights up when a carer is around. I find this comforting as I feel they give him wonderful care and tell myself he'd not be so happy to see them if they weren't.
    It's only a few weeks since the psych team stopped memantine as the vascular dementia has overtaken the Alzheimer's so rapidly and it's all happening so fast now.
    I've shed buckets of tears, and feel I'm ready now for dads passing. I know hand on heart I couldn't have done another thing for him, he's had great care from us and his carers, more love and affection in 8 years than he's ever wanted in the previous 64. I know you guys will understand when I say I'd rather lose him that watch him decline further, it's so heartbreaking isn't it?
    My oldest friends dad passed away last week at the same age and was a vd sufferer too. We've travelled the same journey with our dads, even down to them deteriorating suddenly on the same weekend in October. His funeral was heart wrenching but uplifting and he's now resting peacefully, having slipped away with his wife at his side. What more can you wish for?
  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Dimelza, I am so sorry to read this. You will be comforted to know your dad is receiving good care and is at ease with those who are helping him.
    What a difficult time you have had recently, with so much worry, and then your friend's loss too.
    Thinking of you, and hoping your dad can be comfortable and calm, and that you can recover from what must have been a traumatic week for you.
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    I'm so sorry Dimelza.
    I wish you peace & strength.
  4. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    Thanks to you both. I find myself awake through the night and reading the forums, Alzheimer's site, googling. Anything to see if I can second guess what will happen but obviously it's futile.
    Took my mum up to see dad on Sunday, they've been separated amicably for over 20 years and she's lived away for that time. She's here for Christmas. Very emotional, she was devastated at the deterioration in the 4 weeks since she was here last.
    I felt quite cold, is that normal. Well more I felt like the strong one. Don't get me wrong, when it's just me and dad and I'm stroking his cheek and he's gripping my hand, drifting in and out of sleep (consciousness?), I cry many a silent tear. But I'm ready now, for him to go, and it's brought me an inner calm and peace. It'll be devastating when it happens but it'll be better than seeing whatever the next stage brings.
    He's still able to be fed, offered fluids, but barely any communication, barely awake. This last stroke a week ago seems to have really taken its toll. Heartbreaking but absolutely right decision was made to complete DNACPR forms, I just hope it's a peaceful end whenever that may be.
  5. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    North Cornwall
    Thinking of you in this heartbreaking situation Dimelza. Keep your strength up. Heidi xx
  6. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    Sending you much love and strength to get through this difficult time Dimelza and whatever pies ahead. Its all happened so quickly as it doesn't seem long ago you were excited to have Dad move into the new extension. So sorry for you but Im glad you are feeling some inner peace and calm. Big hug. Xx
  7. Martin099

    Martin099 Registered User

    Nov 13, 2012
    I completely understand how you feel, and I really hope you can find some shreds of comfort during these difficult days.
    It's very hard to admit that we would rather see an end to our parents suffering, but it is also a very natural feeling. My mother passed away just 3 weeks ago at just 71 after an 8 year battle with mixed/VD. The final few days were very difficult following a vascular episode / mini-stroke - she was already immobile, fully incontinent, full of infection in her mouth and having to be spoon-fed pureed food when she could stand the pain. She is now at peace although I have to say that the loss was of course still shattering.
    The effects of vascular dementia can indeed be very dramatic, with very sudden deteriorations after a stroke etc. I'm pleased to hear that his face still lights up in responding to some of the carers - this must be a great comfort.
    You're love shines through and you're dad would be very proud of you.

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