Rollercoaster time

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
107
What I find really difficult is the rollercoaster of emotions, not even day to day but hour to hour. I wake up fine, then in the afternoon I get teary, then I'm ok, or vice versa. There's no logic to it.
Which makes it really hard to know what to do about work. I won't know if I'm ready or not till I go back, but I dont want to go back and find myself teary. Conversely, I don't want to keep postponing it. I find it really confusing; at one stage I can feel that I'm doing ok, then I remember something mum said and that's me. I have had 2 close family bereavements before, but although both were close in terms of their relationship to me ( father, aunt), I was not emotionally close to either, so this is new to me. I don't know if it would be a good idea to see about counselling at this stage or if it's too early.
Also, as well as the emotional rollercoaster, I find myself in a limbo as regards my future. Having been mum's carer for several years, I miss that role, even tho' I found it stressful. To be honest, part of me is quite at a loss. I have lost one role, and not really settled into any other one yet.
Sorry for rambling on, but I find this whole scenario very unsettling. I am not as distraught as I thought I would be, but I do feel adrift. What advice would anyone give? Thanks in advance. I know that people here will understand the mixed emotions that I have now, relief that I dont have to worry about mum, missing her at the same time,and those emotions jumbling around in my head at the same time.
 

Moose1966

Registered User
Feb 10, 2017
135
Staffordshire
What I find really difficult is the rollercoaster of emotions, not even day to day but hour to hour. I wake up fine, then in the afternoon I get teary, then I'm ok, or vice versa. There's no logic to it.
Which makes it really hard to know what to do about work. I won't know if I'm ready or not till I go back, but I dont want to go back and find myself teary. Conversely, I don't want to keep postponing it. I find it really confusing; at one stage I can feel that I'm doing ok, then I remember something mum said and that's me. I have had 2 close family bereavements before, but although both were close in terms of their relationship to me ( father, aunt), I was not emotionally close to either, so this is new to me. I don't know if it would be a good idea to see about counselling at this stage or if it's too early.
Also, as well as the emotional rollercoaster, I find myself in a limbo as regards my future. Having been mum's carer for several years, I miss that role, even tho' I found it stressful. To be honest, part of me is quite at a loss. I have lost one role, and not really settled into any other one yet.
Sorry for rambling on, but I find this whole scenario very unsettling. I am not as distraught as I thought I would be, but I do feel adrift. What advice would anyone give? Thanks in advance. I know that people here will understand the mixed emotions that I have now, relief that I dont have to worry about mum, missing her at the same time,and those emotions jumbling around in my head at the same time.
Hello , I’m a stage behind you my mum is still battling this journey has been EOL for months and in NH bedridden and totally dependent on 24 hour care . I visit daily as there are no other relatives and mum and I are / were close . My days and nights are sometimes consumed with worry , guilt and what ifs , I also jump ahead and imagine my life without her . I admit the relief for her to be at peace is one I look forward to but like you I know I will be totally lost , my kids 24 and 21 are looking to move out with partners and I’m so happy for them but being mum to them is my escape . I plan to take on a challenge and learn something very new ! What it will be I don’t know maybe you could look into doing something that will give you a goal and purpose . It’s easy for me to advise I’m not there yet who knows how I will cope . Keep being positive and look forward.
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
377
My advice would be speak to someone at work about a phased return. I suspect the normality of work could anchor you but the phased bit will give you space
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,509
I am one month in the bereavement process, I’m numb then hyper- emotional!
as I’m self employed in going to ease myself back into work 3 mornings a week & build up
I’m lucky that I’m able to do that I know, but I’m lost as to how I can start working again. Creating & designing process seems to be alien at the moment but I’ve had a month out - funeral etc &Christmas & new year. I’m still exhausted & the thought of normal daily life seems alien.

My inner bear just wants to hibernate!
I do sympathise

it’s my birthday next weekend & my husband & daughter keep asking me what I’d like to do?
Hibernation isn’t an option - so I’m off to sort Aged Mother out ; at least I can rely on Mother to forget.

I find that I don’t know who I am anymore - it’s been years of slowly losing my identity & confidence. Maybe I need to reinvent myself a la Madonna; without the conical bra!!!!
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
107
My advice would be speak to someone at work about a phased return. I suspect the normality of work could anchor you but the phased bit will give you space
Actually I am fortunate insofar as I work part-time. I am hoping to return on a half day to give me a better idea how I will get on.
My advice would be speak to someone at work about a phased return. I suspect the normality of work could anchor you but the phased bit will give you space
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
107
My advice would be speak to someone at work about a phased return. I suspect the normality of work could anchor you but the phased bit will give you space
I went back, still a bit wobbly, especially since I work with the public, and some know that I was looking after mum, so they ask. I am seeing about counselling, tho', and everyone has been very supportive.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,301
South coast
Im glad to hear that you are doing OK.
It will take a while, though, so be gentle with yourself and dont expect too much.