Rollarcoaster ride

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
108
Hi All
My dad seemed to have experienced a surge of energy today. He transferred to a nursing home on Saturday and has remained in bed, unable to feed himself, coughing when being given his thickened fluids, too weak to move himself , all things expected at the end of life stage really. This morning he was hoisted into his wheelchair for the first time and apparently managed to feed himself a little and support himself in the chair.
It all had gone horribly wrong by the time my sister arrived when he was totally distressed and crying out to be put back to bed though.
Has anyone else experienced this startling, if transient, improvement in their loved ones and if so is it a good sign that he may be starting to improve against the odds? If it's possible, I am more confused now then ever
 

blueboy

Registered User
Feb 21, 2015
125
My Mum has been doing this too - one day fully expected to die and next day hoisted into a chair and managing to eat with help. It is indeed such a rollercoaster and very stressful. I suppose eventually we will look back on these times forgetting how awful they have been.
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
108
My Mum has been doing this too - one day fully expected to die and next day hoisted into a chair and managing to eat with help. It is indeed such a rollercoaster and very stressful. I suppose eventually we will look back on these times forgetting how awful they have been.
I do hope you are right, it's mentally scarring watching the person you love disappear before your eyes isn't it. I want to be able to remember my dad as he was not as he is. Guilt rising again, thinking about why I put him in a nursing home, have I missed something that would have brought him round to lead a more enjoyable life for the time he has left etc etc etc
 

blueboy

Registered User
Feb 21, 2015
125
I think the guilt monster is on all our shoulders - I tried to look after Mum until my own health began to suffer too and I know that she would never have wanted that. As she is no longer able to even stand I am actually relieved that she is in care and being well looked after.
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
I do hope you are right, it's mentally scarring watching the person you love disappear before your eyes isn't it. I want to be able to remember my dad as he was not as he is. Guilt rising again, thinking about why I put him in a nursing home, have I missed something that would have brought him round to lead a more enjoyable life for the time he has left etc etc etc
Don't stress why you put him in a nursing home?! Imagine being at home and he took a turn for the worse...Wouldn't even want to imagine how i would feel if something bad happened before an ambulance crew got there. At least in a nursing home there are nurses on hand straight away!! Stop doubting yourself. X
 
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Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
108
Don't stress why you put him in a nursing home?! Imagine being at home and he took a turn for the worse...Wouldn't even want to imagine how i would feel if something bad happened before an ambulance crew got there. At least in a nursing home there are nurses on hand straight away!! Stop doubting yourself. X
When I saw Dad today he was back in bed, no strength, being spoon fed, what conversation he had was random and unfollow able. He kept asking why the staff put him to bed so that he could smoke cigars ( he hasn't smoked in 47 years!) I tried telling him that they wouldn't do that but all that caused was more aggitiation as I WOULDNT answer his questions. At least he is speaking again but the rollarcoaster continues. I wonder if, as with memory, his brain just fired up yesterday and give him the strength to move but that that spark has gone out again today.
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Hi Evie, I used to go along with my Dad's hallucinations but one time ( in his head he was crossing the road to get chips but he was in fact in the mental health unit) he appeared to have a lucid moment and said you must think I am bloody stupid!! He then when back into his own world of being agitated. I used to find that if Dad was more tired the more agitated he was, or if he was wet or something else that was bothering him. Mind you, that is still the case now. If we think to hard about all this makes you worry about your own brain, we are always trying to figure things out, it's never logical, that's the hardest part!! Agitation is a hard one, but more often than not there is a trigger x
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
108
One thing on top of another here as new nursing home isn't taking the level of care of Dad I expected. Went in today to find him soaked in urine to his waist and dressed in nothing more than a t shirt and pad. Also he had three beakers and a protein shake, all with straws in, next to him, one beaker was a baby's one that is the same as the one my 14 month old grandchild uses! I spoke to staff about the lack of dignity and to the nurse about him having straws when we were explicitly told by the hospital that he should never have beaker lids or straws again due to the risk of aspirational pneumonia ( he has already had two bouts in the last month!) and her response was " it's easier" she has now agreed to stop doing this now although it is the second time I have had to mention it.
Am I expecting too much here? Staff levels are rubbish, we were told it would be 6 staff to 9 residents and so far, in the week he has been there, the maximum staff we have seen is 6 but that's on the whole floor of 29 residents.
Very low about all of this as as some of you will know we REALLY struggled to find a nursing home that would take him and ended up with this one or nothing, it has a good rating from the CQC but I am wondering if the reason they had a vacancy has something to do with the care they seem to be offering him so far.
Dementia is such a hard road to travel but there always seems to be one more hurdle to navigate that has no direct link to the disease itself. It feels so hard to summon the energy to fight another battle on top of the dementia and losing Dad battle we are already fighting but fight we must.
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Hi Evie your experience at this nursing home does not sound good at all. The staff levels at my dad's nursing home is 3 to 15 people with his unit (home has 4 units in total), although tonight there are 2 care assistants with 1 nurse between 2 units which I am not pleased about to say the least.
Nursing homes are certainly not staffed well enough.
In terms of straws and beakers these people don't seem to listen!! Either that or the full story doesn't get relayed to the next shift that's on. I found many an ensure drink with a straw in, my Dad couldn't even drink through a straw. Not enough care is given, it's such a shame. But then you have to wonder, it is a very hard job looking by after others, dealing with incontinence and feeding, the care assistants should be paid more the national minimum wage. It's just wrong, however that is still no excuse not to listen to the families who are concerned about their loved ones. Have you spoke to the home manager at all? Also to complain about a baby beaker, that's just humiliating!!!
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
108
Hi Evie your experience at this nursing home does not sound good at all. The staff levels at my dad's nursing home is 3 to 15 people with his unit (home has 4 units in total), although tonight there are 2 care assistants with 1 nurse between 2 units which I am not pleased about to say the least.
Nursing homes are certainly not staffed well enough.
In terms of straws and beakers these people don't seem to listen!! Either that or the full story doesn't get relayed to the next shift that's on. I found many an ensure drink with a straw in, my Dad couldn't even drink through a straw. Not enough care is given, it's such a shame. But then you have to wonder, it is a very hard job looking by after others, dealing with incontinence and feeding, the care assistants should be paid more the national minimum wage. It's just wrong, however that is still no excuse not to listen to the families who are concerned about their loved ones. Have you spoke to the home manager at all? Also to complain about a baby beaker, that's just humiliating!!!

Hmm, I wonder if the6:9 ratio should 6:29 based on what you have said, disgusting figure if it is . Nursing home manager is on hols so we haven't met her yet and the nurse on duty deputises in her absence so we will have to wait.
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
414
Glasgow
Hi Evie. That's not acceptable care, finding your poor dad like that. I know it can be difficult, particularly when you're just getting to know the staff- but it's really not on. I know I used to stress about wee things when dad first went into the home. For me, I can forgive a lot if dad's comfortable and has his dignity. Being wet and half dressed is not good enough. Don't doubt yourself, you know your dad best, and you know what you want for him. Take care, G. Xxx


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Tcake2

Registered User
May 29, 2016
22
Oh Evie, so sorry to read of the loss of your dad. Yes, he is at peace now. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you xx
 

Caroleca

Registered User
Jan 11, 2014
331
Ontario canada
Oh Evie, so terribly sorry for your loss. your dad is at peace now..please please know that you did your best for dad. My thoughts are with you xo
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
414
Glasgow
So sorry for your loss, Evie. You must be emotionally and physically exhausted. You are right, your dad is at peace. Take care. ❤️Xxx


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Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Dad passed away this morning, he is at peace now
Oh Evie so sorry for your loss. It has been awful the last few days but you will start to feel relieved he is at peace. Such an awful thing. My condolences to you and your family. Stay strong xx