1st load of washing done and now in the tumble drier ( because it is raining again) 2nd load of all he has wet today now on and third load of whites still to do. Earlier I tried to spend a half hour outside sawing wood, popping in every five minutes to see if he was OK only to find that he had put the soaking wet dishes away in all the wrong places and broken a glass, was trying to pick it up in his soaking wet stocking feet and hide it and the next time he had wet himself and the bathroom rug again, hidden the wet clothes in the clean laundry basket, put on pyjama trousers and was sitting in my chair - why? because he had wet his own chair. Gave up the sawing, made lunch (sandwich, soup and a banana) found the banana skin down the side of my chair and half the soup poured into the sink blocking it. All this while wearing 'pull-ups' which remain bone dry because he doesn't pull them down when he goes to the toilet, just pushes them aside, pulls his willy out at the side and pees all down his trousers, and the floor. Sorry to be so graphic. We had to come hope early from Christmas Dinner and again from New year's dinner because he had an accident in the middle of the main course. No once a week day care because they have 3 Wednesdays off for holidays. We have not been apart at all for weeks now.
Audiologist is coming tomorrow to see how he is getting on with his replacement Hearing Aids, (he totally lost the last pair) so I did his ear drops this morning, cleaned the aids & put them in and now they are missing again. Strangely when he has no hearing aids in, he whispers and I cannot hear what he is saying. I did manage to make out him saying that he hears better without them, which is true if he sticks them in without switching them on. I am geared up for supervising their insertion in the morning and removal at night, but he is forever taking them out and planking them wherever, everytime he shaves, combs his hair etc. or because they are 'annoying him'.
We have just heard that a lovely old friend has died and he claims not to remember him at all. I am grieving but no chance of attending the funeral or sharing memories with OH. Also just heard that the Council run Respite Unit has been deemed substandard so no referrals for the foreseeable future. I had been amusing myself planning a break at beginning of February as I suffer from SAD, my depression is always worse this time of year. He decided it was night time when it got dark at 4.00pm and went off to bed in his vest and pants but has been back twice to see if I am OK and ask when I am coming to bed.
I have gone beyond frustration, lost all hope, feel as flat as a pancake, haven't any mental or physical energy left to try and plan ahead. Just carry on like a zombie.
