Hello All.
This is my first posting, and I need help. I am 61yrs old man and married, my mum is in the very late stages of Dementia and I have been told by the Nursing home that she is very very poorly and the end is near. My stepfather out of spite has had her put in a nursing home well away from the family he is trying to isolate her from the family out of spite, hence I am now 130miles away from the home, so that is a 260 mile round trip, I went to see her a couple of weeks ago but since she has deteriorated to such a degree that we thought we would lose her Wednesday night, the sister said that she is unconscious all the time and they are keeping her comfortable with medication, and they expect her to just go peacefully in her sleep. I made the decision that I will not go to visit her because she wont know I am there and it will rip me apart, (as it is my head is all over the place so are my emotions and I am hardly sleeping as I am semi awake at nights with my phone at the sider of me just waiting for 'That Call') also I want to remember my mum as happy and smiling/laughing, so I had made my mind up. I would go and kiss her goodbye in the Chapel of Rest. I mentioned this to my boss at work and he told me to wait my decision, later he put some papers on my desk that he printed of the internet stating that people in Comas can still hear and recognise people who are around them and said I should think about my decision or I may forever carry the guilt for not going to see her, my wife who supports me all the way says that he should never have done that as all he has done is made the matter worse, she tells me that mum would not know anybody is there and would not recognise me because of how poorly she is, I am a very emotional person and this is ripping me apart, I just don't know what to do, any advice would really be appreciated. I apologise if I sound confused but believe me, I don't know which way to turn. I am employed with a good job but I am a mess.
Thank you
This is my first posting, and I need help. I am 61yrs old man and married, my mum is in the very late stages of Dementia and I have been told by the Nursing home that she is very very poorly and the end is near. My stepfather out of spite has had her put in a nursing home well away from the family he is trying to isolate her from the family out of spite, hence I am now 130miles away from the home, so that is a 260 mile round trip, I went to see her a couple of weeks ago but since she has deteriorated to such a degree that we thought we would lose her Wednesday night, the sister said that she is unconscious all the time and they are keeping her comfortable with medication, and they expect her to just go peacefully in her sleep. I made the decision that I will not go to visit her because she wont know I am there and it will rip me apart, (as it is my head is all over the place so are my emotions and I am hardly sleeping as I am semi awake at nights with my phone at the sider of me just waiting for 'That Call') also I want to remember my mum as happy and smiling/laughing, so I had made my mind up. I would go and kiss her goodbye in the Chapel of Rest. I mentioned this to my boss at work and he told me to wait my decision, later he put some papers on my desk that he printed of the internet stating that people in Comas can still hear and recognise people who are around them and said I should think about my decision or I may forever carry the guilt for not going to see her, my wife who supports me all the way says that he should never have done that as all he has done is made the matter worse, she tells me that mum would not know anybody is there and would not recognise me because of how poorly she is, I am a very emotional person and this is ripping me apart, I just don't know what to do, any advice would really be appreciated. I apologise if I sound confused but believe me, I don't know which way to turn. I am employed with a good job but I am a mess.
Thank you