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RIP Old soldier duty done.


Registered User
Nov 8, 2008
North Wales
I felt I should write to let all the kind people who have replied to my previous posts know what has happened. My hubby's condition deteriorated on 5th November he was addmited to a Dementia Nursing home. Still walking with the aid of a frame and just about feeding himself. By Christmas a hoist was being used to transfer him from wheelchair to armchair or bed as he couldn't even stand. I asked them to call a Doctor but they only faxed him the details they thought necessary. I made numerous complaints the worse being his falls, especially at night. I was assured he would have a bed sensor and if he got out of bed the alarm would fetch help. So why was he getting as far as the corridor which would take ages as he could only move very slowly then falling. I asked the night nurse in charge and was told they turn his alarm off at night as it wakes other residents. Having seen the SRN Manager they put the alarm on at night, but the same thing happened again I asked why and was told they turned the alarm down low did not hear it from where they were in the lounge. I could go on about all the other personal care problems I had. I went in myself everyday to shave him and feed him, I even took paracetamol in for him as he was in pain. I complained to the head of the Home but as things got worse I had to complain to the powers above. Horrified they did spot checks and photo's were taken of his condition. We had his first review on 6th January and they too were disgusted. They reported it to the safeguarding team and POVA [Prevention Of Vulnerable Adults]. This was on the Tuesday, they also asked for an urgent blood test to be taken ASAP this wasn't done until Thursday. The Dr. receiving the results Friday afternoon went directly to the home and was asked why are you here we haven't called you. He saw hubby and immediately rang me explaining that kidney failure was when your kidney function was less than 15% and my hubby's was less than 10%. I rushed the 25 miles to the home by now evening and my hubby in bed. It was suggested better to leave him where he was for the night. Having had my suspicions I had left an audio recorder hidden in the room, to my regret not having chance to retrieve it I just left it where it was. My daughter and I were at the home first thing the next morning and heard hubby screaming as we got near his room. Three carers had him dressed in the hoist over the wheelchair. I asked didn't they know he had kidney failure and to immediately put him back on the bed. I insisted an ambulance be called but was told only if the Dr. said as it was a Nursing Home able to look after him. I called the Dr. Who on arrival called a high dependency ambulance for an acute admission to hospital. I took the audio recording home to check on my PC, it was voice activated so I cut out all the sections started by outside or other noises leaving only the parts where huby was screaming and crying pitifully saying will someone come, help me, help me, nurse where are you, the pain. I put all these together and in one night it totalled over 5 hours but nobody came. Needless to say the investigations into the home are continuing. Once in hospital he was extremely well cared for with dignity and respect, they spent 3 days trying to reverse the kidney problem even knowing it was not likely they could, then just the keeping him comfortable and free from pain. Seven days later I held his hand as he passed away. Last Tuesday he had a full military funeral with standard bearers, 3 buglers from his old regiment sounding The Last Post and people coming from Scotland to South Wales to pay their respects. My life must now continue without 'my old soldier' to whom I had been married to for over 65 years.


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
Raffles, I'm so very sorry. What a dreadful experience you've been through. I hope the investigation leaves no stone unturned.

On a positive note it's good that the care your husband received in the hospital was everything it should have been in the care home, and that you were with him at the end.

Please accept my condolences on your lists.

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
Raffles, I am so very sorry to read your news, especially about the dreadful care in the home :( Sending lots of sympathy xxxxx


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
It is indeed dreadful that this has happened but thankfully you were on the ball and your action enabled your husband to be comfortable in his last days.

Its too late for you both but I hope the investigations help prevent others going through this ordeal.

Your 'old soldier' is at peace but I am very sorry for the loss of your dear husband.
Take care of yourself.
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Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
Ex pat living in Sweden
Raffles, have just read your dreadful story and the treatment your husband didn't receive from the nursing home and the doctor. But thank goodness when he was finally admitted to the hospital they treated him with respect and did everything they could to make his final days better.

What a wonderful send off he had, now you must concentrate on yourself.

Take care disi x


Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
Ex pat living in Sweden
Raffles, have just read your dreadful story and the treatment your Dad didn't receive from the nursing home and the doctor. But thank goodness when he was finally admitted to the hospital they treated him with respect and did everything they could to make his final days better.

What a wonderful send off he had, now you must concentrate on yourself.

Take care disi x


Registered User
Jul 10, 2011
Horsham, West Sussex
I'm so sorry Raffles, both for the loss of your husband, but also for the terrible time you have both gone through. How dreadful to hear that tape of your poor husband calling for help, that must have been so hard for you to hear; but I hope that it does mean that those in charge of that 'nursing' home are thoroughly investigated and as Beckyjan says, that it will help others in future. Take care xxx


Registered User
May 18, 2014
So sorry to read your post Raffles, What do care staff do all night, surely the answer is simple, desk and chair at end of each corridor with a night worker ready to respond to every call or cry out.

Really hope you get some answers soon.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
I'm so sorry to read if your loss and send my condolences. I'm also hurried to read if the circumstances. Wishing you strength in the days to come.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
What a dreadful ordeal for you Raffles.

I had to submit a formal complaint following my husband's care in hospital but thank goodness his care home was excellent otherwise I ont know what I'd have done. I doubt the investigation will bring you any comfort.

I'm pleased your husband was given the funeral he deserved.


Registered User
Oct 13, 2014
Wishing you much love on this day of all days. I'm so sorry you and your husband have had to go through such a terrible experience. I hope you can take some comfort from him now being at peace and find the strength to "soldier on" and take some time for yourself.


Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
North Somerset
So sorry to read your post and of the terrible treatment he received at the home. I hope the enquiry results in prosecutions, not that it will help you now but might do for other patients. Sending you all my sympathy.

Sent from my GT-N5110


Registered User
Nov 8, 2008
North Wales
Thank you

Many thanks for all your kind words. The safe guarding team have rung me since for my evidence and are taking it further as are POVA. I believe there have already been sackings. It is such a shame because the Nursing Home concerned is a lovely place, it is clean and the food is excellent. The firm that runs the home and many others in it's group has an excellent reputation, They are as horrified as we are and have put a clinical lead person in to run it and sort it out. Plus they are being watched by various official bodies. So hopefully no one else will have to go through what we did.


Registered User
May 20, 2009
Hello Raffles.
I am so very, very sorry.
Not only for the loss of your husband,
but also that he suffered at the hands of those who should know better.
Please accept my condolences.

I just wanted to commend you on reporting the ill treatment.
It will help others in the future, particularly those who have no one to speak up for them.

Wishing you strength in the coming weeks. Love Geum xxxx

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
Hello Raffles

Sorry to hear of the passing of your husband and horrified to hear of the lack of care in his nursing home.

Sixty five years - you and your soldier have been marching together for a long time - wishing you the strength you will need to see you through the days to come. xx


Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
Raffles, I've just read your report and am left speechless.

All I dare do at this point is to send you my loving condolences and a great big hug.


Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
Raffles I'm so sorry for your loss and the dreadful circumstances preceding your husband's death. It is so disheartening to think that there are still 'care' homes out there that can meter out that sort of treatment to residents who are totally at the mercy of the staff. Keep strong whilst you pursue the complaint on behalf of your 'old soldier'. Huge hug.

Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point