Returning Home - Which Room ?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Bree, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Things are being put in place for the return of MOH to our home. The O.T.s are talking about making our dining room into a bedroom for him. Sounds ok until they told me that he will have to have a hospital bed, a quick move, plus a riser/recliner chair, maybe a commode too. That will mean I will have to sell all the furniture in there, table chairs, bookcase, sideboard and storage chest, all fairly new, and some solid oak. Plus it has two doors, one to the kitchen and one to the lounge. All in all a very tight fit.

    I have suggested that we convert a double bedroom instead, but they didn't like that idea as they say he would be isolated, and if an ambulance was needed, they would struggle to get him downstairs ! Taking into account that he could have a TV in the bedroom and I planned to buy a intercom so that he could ask for anything during the day, it wouldn't be a problem, especially as I would have to sleep upstairs anyway, so nearer to him at night. He used to spend his days playing games on his I-Pad before his sudden deterioration, so I can't see why he wouldn't be as happy in a bedroom as in our dining room, which is much smaller that the bedroom.

    My question is, can I insist that we use a bedroom, or can they insist I use my dining room ?
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,092
    Toronto, Canada
    Since I don't live in the UK, I cannot tell you if they can insist or not, but if they are concerned that he'll be isolated in a bedroom, won't he be just as isolated at night when you are sleeping upstairs? I do think there has to be compromise on all sides.
     
  3. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    I don't think they can insist, only advise. I think they are probably right that being downstairs would be better for him. He will be near you during the day, you say he suddenly deteriorated and you will be able to check on him more frequently in passing. And of course it's true it will give easier access for an ambulance crew. It's possible there may also be a problem getting all the necessary equipment upstairs.
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,214
    Female
    South coast
    Can you put the dinning room furniture upstairs into the double bedroom, at least as a stop gap, so that you dont have to get rid of it all?
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,789
    Female
    Scotland
    If the day ever comes when I’m faced with that I would use the bedroom. Life is bad enough as a carer without turning your home into a hospital ward. Most PWD don’t know where they are most of the time and are pretty uninterested in their surroundings.

    Do what you think best not the social workers.
     
  6. Ohso

    Ohso Registered User

    Jan 4, 2018
    148
    I think this is a great idea, dont get rid of anything you will regret, this terrible disease means that things will only get worse, so it might not be long before upstairs is the best place and the dining room can revert back.

    I moved my mum into my home a few weeks ago and she is upstairs as I work from home, downstairs would be unsuitable, I have a camera fixed so I can see her if she needs me and so far it is working out well. I brought some of her furniture here so had to move some of mine out but its all been shuffled round the house so not too bad.

    In the little time she has been here there have been changes and the falls team came in to do an assessment, so we now have a toilet surround with arms ( no way I could have that downstairs) and a shower chair...have you considered how easy it will be to use the bathroom/shower/toilet etc from downstairs?

    Is he still mobile? could you fit a stair lift?

    Personally I wouldnt make a decision based on the ease of paramedics getting him downstairs, that is for them to work out and hopefully would be rare, you will need to live with your decision every day, so think about trips up and down with food etc and will someone sit with him while eating etc, my mum sleeps much of the day but on the odd days she is awake she feels isolated so I can sit with her as the room is large enough, she too has a TV but a little past being able to concentrate on it but it does help if I sit with her and she is dozing in and out of sleep.

    Its only a minor issue for me at the moment but incontinence issues may also be a problem if downstairs, smells etc if accidents happen.

    Its a compromise I think, but ultimately you have to do what fits in with you and noone can insist you do anything in your own home.
     
  7. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,695
    Female
    London
    Plenty of people collapse in upstairs rooms and paramedics have to get them down - not really a good enough criteria for him having to stay downstairs imho. If I ever collapse, paramedics will have to get me down three flights of stairs without a lift - doesn't mean I'm checking out ground floor flats anytime soon!

    I don't think they can insist on anything - they are there to advise and provide equipment, not police the usage of your own home.

    Do it as you see fit and just don't tell them in so many words.
     
  8. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    234
    Female
    Mid Lincs
    Paramedics had to get my OH downstairs and did in a chair with 6" wheels and one of them was a quite slight young lady.

    I was asked where my hubby would be sleeping at no time did they suggest one room would be better than another.
     
  9. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    Of course paramedics will get you out from wherever you are - I know that from my own experience of collapsing upstairs. But @Beate you aren't comparing like with like. You are a healthy person living in a third floor flat, whereas the OP's husband is poorly enough to require a hospital bed and other aids, he lives in a house with an option of a ground floor room, and the suggestion is that this will make it easier. But of course if the OP has good reasons for not wanting to do that, she doesn't have to agree - as long as they can get all the necessary equipment upstairs to the bedroom.
     
  10. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,695
    Female
    London
    I'm not that healthy, and everyone can require a stretcher at some point unfortunately. Plus I did have a person with dementia and mobility issues living with me once. My point was that it's not the most important point in this decision, and OTs cannot dictate anything to you.
     
  11. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Thank you all for your replies.

    I am now re-assured that I can make the final decision, and upstairs it will be. One factor also is that if he's downstairs and needs me in the night, it isn't good for me to be up and down the stairs, half asleep.

    No doubt there will be other questions I need answering, so I will probably need your help more now than I did in the past. Thank you all again.
     
  12. Lanie222

    Lanie222 Registered User

    Jul 10, 2017
    5

    a the end of the day it’s your home
    And you matter to
    SS will interfere and try telling you what they think
    But they are only human beings with an opinion.
    Like you and not always right
    My experience of Ss
    Is they like to think they know it all
    You are just as important .
    No one is forced to be a carer
    Dementia changes so much .
    But your home is your home do what you want ..
     
  13. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Thank you for your replies, I feel so much better knowing that others feel as I do.
     
  14. Alex54

    Alex54 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2018
    147
    Male
    Newtown, Wales
    We have my wife (PWD) beds situated in the diving room. When an advisor came to help us apply for attendance allowance she said we would qualify for 50% council tax reduction as my wife could not use in a normal bedroom.
     
  15. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Alex 54, I think that council tax reductions are down to the individual councils, rather than uniform throughout the country.
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,214
    Female
    South coast
    @Alex54 and @Bree - its not a council tax reduction that you want its council tax disregard, due to (charmingly named) severe mental impairment. Go to your local council website, pront out the form and take it to your GP. When the GP has signed it send it off to your vouncil.

    What is does is removes that person from council tax, so it they are living alone the house is taxed as being unoccupied, if there is one other person living there it is taxed as sole occupancy, but if there is more than one adult there, there wont be any tax reduction.
     
  17. chippiebites

    chippiebites Registered User

    Jun 27, 2018
    57
    Female
    As well as Council Tax disregard we get a lower rate band on our Council Tax (i.e. house band F, pay band E) This is because my husband is in a wheelchair and house has been adapted for him. Don't know if that would be applicable in all areas?
     
  18. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Canary, I have obtained a 'disregard' for MOH, therefore I pay 25% less council tax.

    My message to Alex 54 was merely informative, as not all councils offer the 'disregard'.
     
  19. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,759
    Salford
    All council by law have to offer the SMI disregard, the Local Government Finance Act 1983 says so, they have no right to collect CT from someone under a certain age, students and other exempt groups and one of the exempted groups is people with an SMI. To do so would be illegal.
    K
     
  20. Alex54

    Alex54 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2018
    147
    Male
    Newtown, Wales
    I think I might have been wrong regarding the 50% as others only get 25%. We were getting 100% rebate due to pension credit but this stopped in July when my state pension started, the local authority has not yet adjusted their records.
    Council tax is soo expensive, ours is £1931.46 per year!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.