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Results day for my daughter

Lilstar

Registered User
Aug 11, 2019
91
0
Today my daughter got her degree as a social worker, my oh remembered to ask and congratulate her but that was it . He has just been retested. for different diagnosis as he passed all tests with flying colours which shouldn’t be happening with Alzheimer’s. I do not get this lack of emotion and uncaring attitude, because his memory is good. How do people cope?????
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,342
0
Victoria, Australia
Today my daughter got her degree as a social worker, my oh remembered to ask and congratulate her but that was it . He has just been retested. for different diagnosis as he passed all tests with flying colours which shouldn’t be happening with Alzheimer’s. I do not get this lack of emotion and uncaring attitude, because his memory is good. How do people cope?????
Firstly, congratulations to your daughter on her degree. She has chosen a challenging and yet satisfying career.

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's almost seven years ago but I have discovered that he is quite different to many other people with this disease. He passes the simple test that doctors give and he regularly plays bridge but he cannot remember the first thirty years of his life. There were considerable gaps when he did neuropsychological tests but his short term memory has only started to fail him recently. He has had four different classifications of Alzheimer's so far and I don't believe that the doctors really know much about him.

And when it comes to empathy, he has absolutely none. He has no idea of what I or anyone else might be feeling and finds it impossible to see anything from another's point of view. His world revolves totally around him and what he wants. He also can be quite paranoid which to me is a link to his self centeredness.

My sister died last year and it didn't even register with him that I was upset. How do I cope? I find that we no longer have any connection with each other and I no longer expect any sympathetic responses from him. I have long given up on any meaningful conversations as I consider it simply a waste of time.

Not much help I am afraid.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,044
0
N Ireland
The 'empathy' aspect of dementia is a funny thing. My wife is some 5 years post diagnosis and still has what I would call 'in the moment' empathy. However, her inability to make new memory means that nothing is remembered so that empathy goes AWOL.

I have found that my wife still has the lovely personality she always had but that the characteristics that made the complete person she once was have evaporated.

Like @Lawson58, I have long ago given up on meaningful conversations so have just contented myself to a lonely existence.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,922
0
@Lilstar , congratulations to your daughter. has she been doing the degree while working or is she now looking for a job?
My mother, who has vascular dementia, didn't really have much in the way of memory problems until things were quite advanced. The first thing I noticed was her lack of interest in other people's lives unless she had personally witnessed something. We went out for a meal with my brother and he was trying to tell us about his daughter, who had just graduated and her possible career choices. Mum wasn't in the slightest bit interested, and just wanted to talk about something she'd been doing. I'm sure if her granddaughter had been there, she would have been far more engaged with the topic. As it was it was a case of out of sight, out of mind. The other thing that caused concern with my mother was her lack of logical thinking. So to mum's mind it was more likely that the neighbours had come in and stolen something and then bought it back than that she had misplaced the item and then found it again.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,184
0
Kent
Congratulations to your daughter @Lilstar. I`m sure her services will be badly needed, I just hope there will be funding for her to be employed.

I have found the emotional feelings of people with dementia vary from person to person.

My mother could only address her own emotions.

My husband cried and obsessed when anything touched his heart. I particularly remember when Madeleine McCann was abducted. He was so upset about her he insisted on watching every news bulletin in case she had been found. This was one event when his memory was 100% perfect.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,389
0
High Peak
It can be hard to deal with. I recall a time I was talking to mum about my children, mum's only grandchildren who she'd known since they were born. She said to me, 'Why would I want to know about your children?'
 

fromnz123

Registered User
Aug 2, 2019
68
0
UK
Today my daughter got her degree as a social worker, my oh remembered to ask and congratulate her but that was it . He has just been retested. for different diagnosis as he passed all tests with flying colours which shouldn’t be happening with Alzheimer’s. I do not get this lack of emotion and uncaring attitude, because his memory is good. How do people cope?????
Hi @Lilstar , I feel so sorry for you and your daughter as I know exactly how you feel, what should be a time of celebration ends up with a black cloud over it. My husband's personality has been changing gradually over the past 8 years, affecting his decision making, reasoning, empathy and lack of interest in anything at all.
2 years ago our 31 year old married daughter, with a house and career announced that she was pregnant. Whilst we were all dancing around with excitement , her dad/my husband sat there and in a gruff voice said "I'm not old enough to be a grandad" ( he was 66), my daughter was really upset at his behaviour. When challenged on this his response was "its only a joke"!! Even after our grandson was born I've heard him say to neighbours "it's OK now he's here, but I've had my doubts "!
2 years on , an MRI, PETCT, the neurologist suspects Frontal Lobe dementia , but wants to do a psychoanalysis test as he doesn't tick every box..
The neurologist showed us the MRI which showed a large black area in the middle of his forehead (twice the size it should be), this somehow has helped me a little as its a tangible piece of information that says there is a physical problem with his brain and not down to his "personality"...

Mind you it hasn't stopped me loosing the plot when he keeps asking the same question 🤦‍♀️
 

Lilstar

Registered User
Aug 11, 2019
91
0
Firstly, congratulations to your daughter on her degree. She has chosen a challenging and yet satisfying career.

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's almost seven years ago but I have discovered that he is quite different to many other people with this disease. He passes the simple test that doctors give and he regularly plays bridge but he cannot remember the first thirty years of his life. There were considerable gaps when he did neuropsychological tests but his short term memory has only started to fail him recently. He has had four different classifications of Alzheimer's so far and I don't believe that the doctors really know much about him.

And when it comes to empathy, he has absolutely none. He has no idea of what I or anyone else might be feeling and finds it impossible to see anything from another's point of view. His world revolves totally around him and what he wants. He also can be quite paranoid which to me is a link to his self centeredness.

My sister died last year and it didn't even register with him that I was upset. How do I cope? I find that we no longer have any connection with each other and I no longer expect any sympathetic responses from him. I have long given up on any meaningful conversations as I consider it simply a waste of time.

Not much help I am afraid.
Thank you Lawson58
For congratulating my daughter ,on her passing her degree, so much support and kind words I could weep,😢😢😢
It’s always good to read people’s comments , my husband is working, socialising and leading a normal life so far , just with few memory problems and outbursts which are really vile at times. I truly find that this is an emotional rollercoaster for all of us. I thank god for this forum. I am 2 years in , so we will have to see what’s the outcome from his tests, maybe frontal instead of Alzheimer’s.
 

Lilstar

Registered User
Aug 11, 2019
91
0
The 'empathy' aspect of dementia is a funny thing. My wife is some 5 years post diagnosis and still has what I would call 'in the moment' empathy. However, her inability to make new memory means that nothing is remembered so that empathy goes AWOL.

I have found that my wife still has the lovely personality she always had but that the characteristics that made the complete person she once was have evaporated.

Like @Lawson58, I have long ago given up on meaningful conversations so have just contented myself to a lonely existence.
Hi @Lilstar , I feel so sorry for you and your daughter as I know exactly how you feel, what should be a time of celebration ends up with a black cloud over it. My husband's personality has been changing gradually over the past 8 years, affecting his decision making, reasoning, empathy and lack of interest in anything at all.
2 years ago our 31 year old married daughter, with a house and career announced that she was pregnant. Whilst we were all dancing around with excitement , her dad/my husband sat there and in a gruff voice said "I'm not old enough to be a grandad" ( he was 66), my daughter was really upset at his behaviour. When challenged on this his response was "its only a joke"!! Even after our grandson was born I've heard him say to neighbours "it's OK now he's here, but I've had my doubts "!
2 years on , an MRI, PETCT, the neurologist suspects Frontal Lobe dementia , but wants to do a psychoanalysis test as he doesn't tick every box..
The neurologist showed us the MRI which showed a large black area in the middle of his forehead (twice the size it should be), this somehow has helped me a little as its a tangible piece of information that says there is a physical problem with his brain and not down to his "personality"...

Mind you it hasn't stopped me loosing the plot when he keeps asking the same question
The 'empathy' aspect of dementia is a funny thing. My wife is some 5 years post diagnosis and still has what I would call 'in the moment' empathy. However, her inability to make new memory means that nothing is remembered so that empathy goes AWOL.

I have found that my wife still has the lovely personality she always had but that the characteristics that made the complete person she once was have evaporated.

Like @Lawson58, I have long ago given up on meaningful conversations so have just
The 'empathy' aspect of dementia is a funny thing. My wife is some 5 years post diagnosis and still has what I would call 'in the moment' empathy. However, her inability to make new memory means that nothing is remembered so that empathy goes AWOL.

I have found that my wife still has the lovely personality she always had but that the characteristics that made the complete person she once was have evaporated.

Like @Lawson58, I have long ago given up on meaningful conversations so have just contented myself to a lonely existence.
Thank you karaoke Keith,
The only in the moment empathy my oh has , is too his biological children, not step , which makes it worse. On making a celebration tea my oh , took off in huff and told me to video call his biological family and didn’t even mention there step sister passed her degree. They do live in other countries, he just can’t seem to be happy for any of my children. I feel the only way I can hope at the moment to to watch telly in my bedroom.How sad is that?
 

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