Restpite a disaster

[Paperweight]

I hope this all works out for you. I did not have anyone that David could be left with. 2 hours a week from a carer who had been coming for about 2 years. But my husband would rage and be nasty and I could not have gone out and left him much longer than that. No family near by. So that meant no regular contact with a family member that he might have accepted.So apart from the 2 hours and twice failed respite, I could not get a break. My husband would not have anyone in the house.xxx

Hi casbow thank you for concern I do get a

The behaviour was possibly caused by fear @Paperweight. What a pity.

Is there any chance your husband could have day care at the same home you booked for overnight respite? It would help the staff to get to know him and help him to become familiar with the home.

Hi Granie G my husband went to day care at the home where he stayed h e only went one day a week but for a few weeks and he was ok .but the staff were different on the evening I took him .i am still taking him one day a week hopefully better luck next time ,but I must admit it will be awhile yet I could not put me or oh through another weekend like that .but thank you for being helpful and concerned I do appreciate the advice

 

[Grannie G]

Night Staff! Of course they are always different to those on day shifts.

I`m sorry @Paperweight. I should have remembered.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

@Paperweight and @Grannie G you have given me an idea.
I mostly think of respite care as something way in the future - my husband is gentle and a sweet man - but I get exhausted by the constant needs, the crazy talk, (agree with everything) and the need to plan every hour etc
So I was thinking I could go to a care home and see if I could pay for a days care - respite - but take him home in the late afternoon before The sundowners starts . It’s only about $70 a day I think - and there may be no obligation to stay overnight. I could really see then if they can manage and entertain him and if he likes them enough to go back again. Just need to make up a clever babe for why he is there ??
MJ

 

[Casbow]

Sorry but !!

 

[Casbow]

I'll forgive you!!xx

 

[Paperweight]

Night Staff! Of course they are always different to those on day shifts.

@Paperweight and @Grannie G you have given me an idea.
I mostly think of respite care as something way in the future - my husband is gentle and a sweet man - but I get exhausted by the constant needs, the crazy talk, (agree with everything) and the need to plan every hour etc
So I was thinking I could go to a care home and see if I could pay for a days care - respite - but take him home in the late afternoon before The sundowners starts . It’s only about $70 a day I think - and there may be no obligation to stay overnight. I could really see then if they can manage and entertain him and if he likes them enough to go back again. Just need to make up a clever babe for why he is there ??
MJ

Hi mudgee joy do try daycare my husband goes twice a week to a local church that has a day centre there ,he is not very keen on going but they are good with him he won't join in any activity so they just let him wander around and he is fine .i realy look forward to my Monday's and Thursday.i am taking him back to care home one day a week hopefully for future restpite.good luck

 

[Paperweight]

Night Staff! Of course they are always different to those on day shifts.

I`m sorry @Paperweight. I should have remembered.

 

[Paperweight]

Hi Granniehi G don't be sorry you where only trying to help me

 

[Grannie G]

Just need to make up a clever babe for why he is there ??

It`s a good idea @Mudgee Joy.

Could you tell the home you want to introduce your husband to care from others than yourself just in case you become ill or there is an emergency.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Thanks @Grannie G - I’ll do some investigating!

 

[Macduff]

I must say it has been the worst day of my life I felt so guilty when I saw how distressed he was I realy felt I had let him down .but I must admit he has forgot it now .i know it sounds silly but he seems to have changed he is usually so quiet he is dancing and talking to tv and keeps trying to tell me something .this illness is so cruel .

 

[Macduff]

Hi restpite a disaster took oh to care home yesterday just in time for tea carer took him from me , everything fine he went in smiling left ,had a lovely evening with daughter and son in law .went home packed my case ready for overnight trip .had a bit of restless night thinking of o h .got out of bed thinking not heard anything so all must be ok , got myself ready lovely only myself to think about .then disaster phone rang oh care home can you come and sit with husband for a little while he upset only tried to strangle one of careres .and trying to escape and and swearing . So I went and he was so distressed I fetched him home ,must admit he took a while to settle but ok now .so what now think to soon for over night stays.any advise .must admit I feel angry after all the thoughts not going then yes I am going .but it was so out of character he is usaly quiet .

Hi Paperweight, so sorry to hear this. Had a similar experience with my wife who wandered into a residents room at the care home in the middle of the night. Had to collect her after 4 days as she picked up a urinary infection. She was so distressed she became incontinent and lost the use of her legs. Ended up in hospital. So I'm not convinced respite works for everyone. All the advice I had was 'go for it'. This was a dementia specialist home too But hey, I tried and it didn't work. Maybe day care is an option but I'd really like a few days to do my own thing.

 

[Soobee]

I am sorry that you've experienced trouble with respite. It might be different the next time with a different care home, or when the dementia moves into another stage. I certainly found it awful with one respite care home with my mum, but another place was great.

 

[nellbelles]

Perhaps I was lucky my husband had to go into emergency respite because I was ill, he never came home as his care needs increased beyond my capabilities but he always had good care

 

[Paperweight]

I am sorry that you've experienced trouble with respite. It might be different the next time with a different care home, or when the dementia moves into another stage. I certainly found it awful with one respite care home with my mum, but another place was great.

Hi sobee thanks for your reply .the care home was concerned we had a meeting with them n my husband has been back for daycare and they said he was ok .so probley to soon for over night stays .i do get three days has he goes to a day centre 2 days and like I said we are trying him with daycare So got to be thankful for small mercies.He just won't settle anywhere I put music on now and he is just walking round the house .it is like he wants my attention all the time he does not like tv on he walks out of room if I put it on .

 

[Paperweight]

Perhaps I was lucky my husband had to go into emergency respite because I was ill, he never came home as his care needs increased beyond my capabilities but he always had good care

Sorry to hear that nellbelles hope your health is ok now .

 

[Paperweight]

Hi everyone trying restpite again ,took oh to ch this morning ,he has been going there for daycare so hope he settles tonight.but I can't get myself motivated I just keep sitting and thinking about him.