1. Jmrboardman

    Jmrboardman Registered User

    Mar 10, 2016
    3
    Hello - I'm new to the forum and 5 months into caring for my elderly mother with dementia. Hardest job I've ever done. I have been run down since she first came to live with us and just don't pick up. It's the emotional rather than the physical stuff that wears me down. I have just recovered from a chest infection and somehow muddled through with caring for mum. The main problem I have is that none of the local care homes in my area offer respite. All they can do is promise they'll call me if a room becomes free. What to do in an emergency? I realise that social services would organise an emergency placement but that would fill my mum with great anxiety and could even finish her off. It's taken a lot of persuasion to get her into day care three times a week as she just wants to be with me. Very few homes have a specific respite room and if they do they want you to book it for a fortnight. The homes that have that arrangement don't have day care so I couldn't take mum weekly before we try a night. Just wondered how others manage this situation.
     
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,912
    Suffolk
    Hi, not sure I can really help. I had Carers breakdown, so badly needed a break. It was easy enough in our area to get a care home for respite ( he was self funding). I asked him if he had realised I had not been well, and he said yes. So, in order to look after you at home, I needed a break and I wanted to go and see my cousins. As this was a normal break for us, he still understood and was OK about it. I didn't see him during that time, cousins are a six hour drive away and all seemed OK.
    Obviously you have slightly different problem, but best of luck!

    Edited to say, welcome to TP , there are lots of people in here who will help you.
     
  3. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    i know what you mean we are 3 years into looking after MIL who has Vascular dementia . we have a sitter from Age uk for 3 times 3 hrs each month which is free . we found same as you no respite beds or if there was could not book and had to be for 2 weeks at least at £1000 a week . we are now trying crossroads you can have 72 hrs 3 times a year freee
     
  4. Margaret79

    Margaret79 Registered User

    My MIL is self funding and she goes to daycare and respite in the same place, which is great as she is familiar with the place and the staff know her.

    They are the only ones who have a bookable bed near us. It is a big chain so there maybe a home near you. Check it out - http://www.barchester.com/respite-care-short-breaks

    Good luck xxx
     
  5. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    this is our local one but the dont book as such and have to have minimum of 2 weeks as i said ANd if you cannot book what is he point .
     
  6. mancmum

    mancmum Registered User

    Feb 6, 2012
    385
    In Manchester there is NO respite

    It varies according to what your local authority is prepared to do. Mine is rubbish. Demand for private care seems to be high so basically respite doesn't exist. Why should they take people for respite when they can fill the space with permanent fee payers.

    Other local authorities are better.
     
  7. Margaret79

    Margaret79 Registered User

    We must be very lucky. Have had MIL in there for anytime from a 2 week stretch down to 1 night and anything in between.
     
  8. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    This is not an uncommon situation,care homes don't want to keep a room free on the off chance that someone will want a couple of days respite. A carer's assessment can show a need for respite - but that still doesn't mean it will be available :mad:

    AnnMac was in a similar situation and managed to make enough noise to get things changed - but that takes time and energy that is already in short supply! If you go over to the 'bizarre' thread and talk to her I'm sure she will be able to give some useful advice.
     
  9. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    We have had exactly the same situation, last year when I reached breakdown social services placed mum in emergenct care which was nearly an hour from home. It was pretty grotty and she was really scared. Within 48 hours she had run away from someone or something and ended up spending 6 weeks in hospital with a broken femur.

    I've been trying to book regular respite all this year with no joy at all, it is all as you describe ring us and if there is a bed you can have it but the best homes never have a bed, and in my home town they are all chockablock permenantly.

    Monday, after a series of crisis I actually got mum into my favourite care home - this a complete miracle. She is now really passed the point of being safe at home and so I'm hoping to make this a full time placement. But honestly if we could have got regular respite - I wanted a weekend a month and then a couple of weeks in the summer. And also to be able to get care if I have to work away - a lot but her care package will pay for it.

    I could then have coped for longer I wouldn't be going away to work and leaving her with skeletal framework of carers and we could have a weekend free every month to actually do something with the kids. CUrrently I'm terrifyed mum won't settle and the pressure will be on to have her home and then trying to get her back into this place would be impossible it could take another year or more for her to get a place.

    I'm sure we are cheaper as carers than full time care so why not ensure there is good respite provision so less carers go under with the strain
     
  10. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,162
    If you are self-funding, can you get a live-in carer to come in while you go away on holiday? Not ideal but maybe better than nothing? --I have no personal experience of these groups but a few come up when you google. Good luck!
     

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