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Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
Good morning everyone. Just looking for some comfort I guess. My 92 year old Mum is going into a care home for 2 weeks respite. She has been a bit poorly with a chest infection. I was on holiday last week and my sister struggled to cope. The social worker and CPN think Mum needs respite and so do we as carers. Mum has never been in before. I know the home is good and they will look after her. I have spent the night with Mum as I usually do once a week but am sitting crying my eyes out. I spend so much time with her either on the phone or in person that I am worried she will find it really difficult. She gets very cross with me when I go on holiday as she thinks I should be there with her. So how on earth am I going to get through today. I am struggling already!
Also - mum is not self funding so there is a big top up fee for the 2 weeks. So what I don't understand is that social services have said we need a break but I now have to pay £300 a week top up. I have had a carers assessment done and still waiting to hear the outcome! The social worker said I could have 3 hours a week break (take a break scheme) but as yet keeps putting me off when I chase her. To be fair if it means Mum gets a couple of good quality weeks respite I will pay it. Appears my other siblings aren't going to help!

Thanks everyone for letting me say this. Think it has helped just writing it down. I know I have to be strong today for my Mum.


Registered User
Feb 28, 2013
new zealand
Hi Maldives. It is a hard decision, one which I have yet to make, but not far away I feel. I am sure that the care home would let you ring your Mum, or allow her to ring you if you feel that you want that contact to continue.

Thinking of you :):)


Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
It is very difficult when someone goes into respite when you are used to looking after them, try and get some rest and not worry too much,

Also you don't have to pay, it will be your mum who pays,has she has had a financial assessment done because they only charge what she can afford,

I hope it goes well.

Jeany xx


Registered User
May 21, 2014
It isn't a top up, it's the fee the council charges for respite a week, and it should be payable from your mum's money, not yours. Respite fees seem to vary from borough to borough.


Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
You are right Beate, the local authority I come under charge over £60 per week more for respite than the local authority that covers a district just 4 miles from where we live.

chelsea girl

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
My mums going into respite on monday, its her 3rd time and i always feel guilty abt her going. I dont visit while shes there becos she would want to come home and basically i need the rest!!. When shes there she settles well, last time she went the staff said she was very funny and made them all laugh!. Try not to worry, think of yourself and have a good rest. X


Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
Thank you so much . Just as an update mum was really good today until she realised she was going to stay somewhere . She said she wasn't going and all sorts! However the home have been fab with her and so so kind. I'm going to visit tomorrow morning so hope she sleeps tonight. As far as I'm aware social services will be asking us for the top up of £300 a week?