1. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Can I just ask a question about how you have handled respite?

    The GP suggested it might do me good to have Monique go into a respite 'place' for 15 days sometime this year.....

    How have you handled it? Did you go and visit every day and if so for how long? If not daily then what?

    Did you go away for that time if not visiting every day?

    How was it?

    I think I just pay for it - is that how it works in the UK....

    I suggested to the Doc the only possible way to make that work would be for him to tell Monique she was ill and needed to go to hospital each day.... He appeared to acquises.

    All answers on a postcard with Benny Hill drawings on the front please!!!

    Michael
     
  2. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Hi Michael

    My experience is probably a how NOT to do it. Dad never had regular planned respite. He went into emergency respite care during a crisis. For all my beliefs about explaining everything and being honest, I did none of it. He wasn't in any state to understand anything and I just bunged some clothes in a bag, took his hand and led to him to my car. :eek:

    The respite place were really good. It was a dementia resource centre, specifically for respite, as opposed to a permanent care home with some respite beds. They seemed prepared and happy for me to just dump him on the doorstep and run, if that's what I needed to do. But also very happy for me to be around as much as I liked. Quite a few people on various discussion boards have said about being advised to not visit, but i hadn't read that at the time and dad's respite didn't suggest it.

    What I found was that much as I'd been desperate for a break from dad, once he was there I couldn't NOT go to see him. I think what I needed a break from was having him completely on my own and having to sort out all of whatever crisis came up. Seeing him there was a completely different experience cos we could have quality time together, supported by the wonderful staff who were around there. It was so different visiting there and knowing that I could leave when I was ready and that he would be in safe hands.

    I guess my situation is different from yours in many ways. Maybe the point of this long saga is that it's probably Ok to just do what feels right for you and Monique at the time.

    best wishes
    Áine
     
  3. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Sorry, forgot to answer that bit. Dad was asked to pay £100 per week towards the costs because he has some savings. Otherwise I think it would have been paid for entirely by social services. I've no idea whether that's a whole UK thing or just our local council.
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Micheal
    I am in a similar situation as you ,again.
    Cosultant suggested I need to have break and Peg go to respite care.
    SW coming on 24th to talk about it !!!
    I think I will tell my lie the other way round,"I have to go into hospital for a week,and you cannot stay here by yourself".
    Any more ideas?
    Norman
     
  5. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Norman hi,

    wouldn't work for me cos monique has nothing wrong with her! Wheres the loo???
    Michael
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Norman,
    The only thing that worries me with your idea is would it make Peg anxious if you say you are going into hospital, and if others have to keep telling her that is where you are. What about a badly sprained ankle that you can't walk on?
    Amy
     
  7. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    301
    N.Ireland
    Respite did not work well for me. Our local GP suggested to Donal that he may have a urine infection and would he go into hospital for a few tests. He agreed.
    He was admitted the next day but everything went wrong ,he became very angry and agressive with the staff, couldnt understand why he was in hospital and when I visited he insisted on coming home with me.
    He only stayed 3 days as it was not the ideal place to deal with his agressive AD and much too distressing for me to watch. It defeated the purpose of respite.
    FRom my experience I would suggest (if possible )and depending on how your wife responds to where she is placed, give yourself a break and have a little holiday.
    Very difficult I know ,However the pupose of respite is for you to recharge.
    Good luck with what ever you decide.
    Pat
     
  8. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Dad went in to restpite about a month ago. He was there for a week. He went in a couple of years ago, but he wasn't as ill as he is now, he played up a bit that time. Mom worried about him while he was there incase he was the same this time. He was fine, but the diffrence was that he goes to the day centre there 3 times a week that is attached to residential home, so he must of knew some of the staff there. Mom and i went away for 5 days so she had a good rest, so we couldn't visit, but i think if she would have he might have thought he was coming home with her and might not have settled in so well. When we picked him up to go home they said he had been fine and had eaten well while he was with them, that put moms mind at rest anyway. We told him he was going to the day centre for a few days to give mom a rest. Mom has got some savings so she will have to pay about 75 pounds this time. Try the restpite for a few days, stop at home and ask them to ring you if she isn't settleing in very well. I wish we had done that the first time he went in. Hope this is of some help. :) janet :)
     
  9. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Lionel has just been into respite for two and a half weeks. We have to fund everything ourselves, this latest stay was £1800.

    The home is super, and Lionel was happy. Just wish it were nearer, but is the only one I consider to be right for Lionel.

    I do not visit whilst Lionel is in respite. He accepts that I need a holiday, but this is where everyone is different. We have friends in the same situation as ourselves, but no way will he go into respite. His attitude is that it is her place to care for him.

    Takes all sorts, and we all have to handle things differently.

    Hope things work out for you, Love Connie
     
  10. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Amy
    I don't think it would worry Peg telling her I was going into hospital for a week.Her short term memory is now zero.
    I did go into hospital about two years ago,I don'think she missed me,in fact when I came home after a week she said "Who are you"?
    Norman
     
  11. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    In that case Norman, get your suitcase packed!
    Amy
     
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    My mum in emergence rest pit at the moment & I visit every day ,but when mum was in normal rest pit , social worker & friends said do not visit ,because its time out for you , my first rest pit was great wired did not know what to do with myself ,it was good .Mum phone first day after that I phone once week .it was for 2 weeks .

    Go for it Michael ,be truthful to Monique , tell her you need a break on your own , or your just not going to be able to cope , yes my mum got angry with me ,did not like the idea ,she thought I would take her bed away ,she needed a lot of reassurance that she was coming home, this went on for about a week , but it was worth it ,for the time out on my own .

    Mum did not pay for rest pit or at emergaence rest pit .
     
  13. jennifer3

    jennifer3 Registered User

    Apr 4, 2006
    14
    lancs
    as i am disabled the SW says i have to put my husband in respite care and have a holiday away to have a rest myself
    my husband does understand sometime that i need a rest occasionally but he will not go into care says he will stay at home he is not a wanderer only in house and to gate in garden as he seems frightened of going out and safe inside.we could get carers in for a few hours but its night he is worse no sense of time if he wakens it is time to get up no matter what time in night so how can i leave him alone at night, what to do at the moment i am just hanging on and i know that i will need a rest soon
     
  14. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Jennifer 3
    I am afraid we sometimes have to tell white lies.
    I am in a similar situation.
    Have a look at some of the postings on this thread,they will give you some ideas.
    Norman
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Oh I know how you feel its heart rendering, my mother use to say the same. SW said they could not cover the nights

    so I got a carer to come in the morning to wash mum & give her breakfast, & my son who was at the time was 23 years old volunteered to look after her, while I went aboard for a week.

    Well need I say any more, he would never do it again Mum would never let him leave her sight for more then half an hour ,my daughters did give him a break, but all mum wanted was him .I told my son it would not be easy, but he did not listen .

    So the next time mum said she would not go in a home ,this may sound cruel ,the SW told me not to tell her till the last moment ,I closed my heart & done it, mum gave me her anger I gave my cruel to be kind love to her .

    Now she likes it ,because she knows she coming back home .


    At the moment she got a fixation on a young 48 year old man, who she some how confused in her mind has wrote her the song, Feeling.

    She keep asking for the words of the song, (so someone in the care home, who was visiting )
    I happen to ask him as the song was playing ,who wrote the song, he said that he plays the guitar & does voluntary singing , & would find out & give me the words of the song for mum.

    Next thing I new he gave the words of the song to mum in Spanish & song it in the home & he told her it was a Brazilian man who song it.

    Now mum thinks, it was this other young 48 year old man idea & he in love with her, as the words are what she is feeling for him & how did he know those words , because he must feel the same for her. Today she ask him if he was Brazilian (his blue eyed light brown hair) so no matter how embarrassed, I felt I told him all about it .

    He was a bit confused, but took mum hand & kisses it
     
  16. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Margarita, what a lovely uplifting end to your post. He sounds a really nice young man to be so courteous to your mum.

    Love Connie
     
  17. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,112
    Toronto, Canada
    Norman,
    You are right. Sometimes we have to tell little white lies. Other times it is huge, massive, overwhelming lies. Whatever makes our loved ones feel calm and secure.

    Jennifer 3, you must have your rest. Don't feel badly if you must lie - we often have no choice. I really do think honesty is an over-rated virtue & not only with Alzheimer patients.

    Joanne
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.