Respite needed - any advice?

[ringtor]

My 80 year old husband has VD and Alzheimers which has been coming on for three years. It is now formally diagnosed. He is fairly independant, if he knows where I am, and is still driving the car to the local town 2 miles away. He bowls occassionally and goes to church but he cannot help in the house or garden and gets in a muddle dressing sometimes. If I go out, leaving a note on the kitchen table, he still wanders looking for me.
I have a hereditary auto-immune disease, part coeliac and shaking arms. I have had a stroke and a TIA. I am getting increasingly tired and would love a week off but I dont know how to arrange it. His son and daughter have him to stay 2 or 3 nights twice a year but wont give up a weeks holiday to come and look after him.
Many of you must have found ways round this so please could I have a few suggestions?

 

[Jess26]

Would he be self funding ? If this is the case you will need to find a suitable place that has a vacancy.
If he will be council funded he will need a financial assessment. Does he have a SW ? If so contact him/her. Or ask for one to be appointed. They should then help to make arrangements. Don't be afraid to say you are struggling, in fact make it sound as bad as you can

 

[Big Effort]

Dear Ringtor,

I can't give you any advice regarding respite because I live in France. However I have the greatest sympathy for you. What you are doing on your own is nothing short of super-human and you aren't in the best of health yourself right now. I have a husband to support me all day every day, as I look after my 86 year old mother with Alzheimers.
I have two "invisible" siblings, so I know what it is like to be left alone. I don't know how they can be so unconcerned and unfeeling about their own mother. However you do need a rest, a real rest, and regular rest. I wonder if it would be worth speaking to the children again, explaining your plight. If they can't or won't help on a regular basis, then they could perhaps fund the people who come in on a daily basis for respite.
Just a suggestion. Don't wait. Burn out is not worth playing games with.
A big hug to you, a brave lady, keep posting and let us know how you get on xxx BE

 

[Jessbow]

How would he cope if the two of you went on a catered holiday? A hotel by the sea perhaps, or even a cruise? Just sit and have your every need met?

 

[1954]

tell the SW that you are at breaking point...........stress that

 

[ringtor]

Respite needed?

Thank you for your replies. We tried a hotel holiday but my husband has boundless energy and I was afraid to let him go out alone in a strange place so I got more tired than rested.
We saw the memory nurse today who said that he looked so well that we didn't need a social worker! I couldn't say much as they were sitting together and I was at the edge of the room. I have a health centre interview on Thursday so perhaps I will lay it on a bit thick. He is self funding - it is just finding a suitable place where he would be content and safe.