Respite for dad today and feeling guilty

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by exhausted 2015, Dec 5, 2015.

  1. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Took dad today for his third period of respite, on telling him this morning he became very confused and was talking a load of nonsense then all of a sudden he said " is it them that are saying I have to go ( he meant the doctors) or have you just had enough of looking after me, I don't mean to be a nuisance at night I cannot help it if I don't sleep " well I was astounded at the lucidity, I explained that I needed to rest from time to time in order to be able to look after him... But on returning from leaving him there I'm feeling so guilty, I did not feel this wat last time.. I think it's because of dad's lucid moment this morning.... That's better I've got it off my chest now.. Exhausted 2015 xx
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,993
    Female
    Chester
    Chase the GM away. You know that this way you can care for him for longer and so its best for dad and you. hugs
     
  3. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Thank you yes I am trying to with the help of a glass of wine xx
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,564
    Yorkshire
    You are marvellous with your dad
    every carer needs a break
    so, glad you got that off your chest
    keep the GM out of your head
    your dad loves you, hold tight to that
    and get a good night's sleep
     
  5. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Hello again Shedrech xx thank you.. A good uninterrupted nights sleep is on the top of my to do list especially seeing that I have been up since 3.30am this morning with dad.. And that was one of the better nights, my best wishes exhausted 2015 xx
     
  6. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    You have to plan for his bad days not the good ones. He will be safe and cared for and you can recharge yiur batteries. You need tjis to go on cating. Its the hardest job in the world. We all know thatcand have your back. Kill the guilt please.
     
  7. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    Respite is a double edged sword for me too, but is a necessary evil. I couldn't have continued in the way I was and YOU certainly can't with your dad 's sleeping situation. Last time we left Dad in the CH, when it was time to go, I said - we are going now, and his response was - you are having me on! Obvs that echoed in my head the whole time, but.......it was necessary. He has actually been sleeping well since he came back. Maybe your Dad will change his pattern?

    Enjoy your break.

    Cheers

    Heidi xx
     
  8. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    157
    East Yorkshire
    Ah, it's tough isn't it? My aunty gave me a different spin on things when I was struggling with sending dad to day care. He'd told me he didn't enjoy sitting there with 'all the old dears' so of course, I felt terrible that he had to go. However, my aunty said we all have to do things in life we didn't like to do and she recalled that I hated school but I still had to go, so it was the same for dad, he still had to attend day care because it was giving everyone else a break.
    I tried to put a positive spin on respite too but he still said that I managed to make it sound like prison and those words were ringing in my ears for a long time afterwards! It's strange how those moments of lucidity appear and always shoot straight to the heart. My dad recently said 'I'm nearing 80, it's nearly the end'. We all cried but then when you ask him another time how old he is, he can be anything from a young boy to 74 ( he's actually 77) :D
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,664
    Female
    Scotland
    I'm friendly with a carer through various Alz groups. Her partner complains about going to daycare once a week so much she cannot arrange another day and looks worn out. My husband started at the same daycare and I sat in on a number of morning and afternoon sessions. My friends partner is as happy as Larry and takes part in all that is going on. He obviously likes making her feel guilty and she walks straight into the trap!
     
  10. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Thank you Heidi I can only hope that dad's sleeping pattern improves whilst he is there xx had a bad nights sleep last night kept waking x here's hoping for a better night tonight x
     

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