Respite care

[Penmon79]

When my M-in-L came to live with us three years ago we naively thought that Social Services would help us find occasional respite care! Not so.
We're not asking for any funding, just help with finding a room for a week or two but it seems that if you're self-funding you're on your own. Never mind the fact that it is so stressful trying to find somewhere; no care home wants to commit themselves to a short term place more than a couple of days in advance because they don't want to pass over the chance of someone coming along who wants a permanent room.
M-in-L refuses to have someone come in to look after her.
We do get three hours a week respite care from SS and we're grateful for that but a holiday would be good........!
You know those posters you see in libraries, surgeries etc. "Are you a carer? Who cares for you?" Er......

 

[Kevinl]

It wouldn't matter if the LA were funding it, you'd still get no help from them.
They'd give you a unfeasibly small budget and then tell you to find somewhere yourself.
It's a myth that LA and self funders are treated differently by social services.
Social services aren't allowed to suggest or recommend a home all they do is tell you the budget then you have to find somewhere for yourself.
Having the LA pick up the bill is very nice if they agree to do so, but it doesn't entitle you to any extra help other than they pay not you.
Sadly it's a matter of knocking on doors until you can find somewhere, as you say respite care isn't too popular with care homes as the income is uncertain and the better ones have a waiting list anyway, so why would they do it?
The LA will normally only pay the set rate for a weeks care and that can be several hundred pounds under the respite care rate, so even where it is LA funded there's usually a big top up to pay if you can find somewhere in the first place.
K

 

[mancmum]

Snap

I did manage to book a week somewhere once in the UK. But as you say respite doesn't actually exist except where local authorities block book beds and then let people pay to use them. Some local authorities do this.

Otherwise I use my adult children and they are paid. I have also used (but not overnight) psychology undergraduates. If you could find one and would take your holiday at the right time then that could work for you.


Our last adventure into respite was a place I found in Madeira which I cannot speak too highly of. Modern and in the mode of 4 star hotel. We were able to stay there as well ..it suited us but would not work for anyone wanting a throbbing nightlife.


I should have gone for a fortnight and then I would have left my Dad fully in their care for more than 2 sessions, but even those two sessions were wonderful to us.

It cost pre Brexit 350.00 per week fully inclusive....yes that is not a spelling mistake. If you want details I will private message you.

 

[Rodelinda]

I suspect it varies a great deal around the country. Some homes round here (Suffolk) always have beds for respite care and last year I booked my mother 3 months in advance for an October/November stay. It was a large, purpose built modern home so it is easier for them to hold rooms for respite. And I suspect that if you do this, word will get about and the home will be able to continue to offer respite care for self-funders as it will continually be booked.

This year I started looking around in the summer knowing that the smaller homes won't book much in advance. It was a fair bit of work checking websites, reading CQC reports, talking to people and visiting a couple of places. But I really want my mother (who lives with me) to go only to somewhere that I've visited and talked to the manager, staff and generally observed residents. I found two small homes which were excellent; I visited one a couple of weeks ago, they confirmed a place for my preferred date in the middle of last week and my mother is going there on 7th November. I also found another local home (which was more at the luxury end) which was also able to offer a place when I wanted.

It is frustrating not being able to book much in advance but I can understand it as the care homes are businesses and need pretty high occupancy rates. It is a fair bit of work and effort but I'm also seeing it as a bit of investment for the future as it is highly likely that my mother will need to move into permanent care at some point and it will have been useful visiting homes, getting a feel for them and seeing how she fares.

If you have a local carers' cafe or group, it might be worth going along as there are bound to be people with experience locally who might have ideas of places to try. Sorry I don't have any more practical ideas. Good luck. Sue

 

[Penmon79]

Respite

I suspect it varies a great deal around the country. Some homes round here (Suffolk) always have beds for respite care and last year I booked my mother 3 months in advance for an October/November stay. It was a large, purpose built modern home so it is easier for them to hold rooms for respite. And I suspect that if you do this, word will get about and the home will be able to continue to offer respite care for self-funders as it will continually be booked.

This year I started looking around in the summer knowing that the smaller homes won't book much in advance. It was a fair bit of work checking websites, reading CQC reports, talking to people and visiting a couple of places. But I really want my mother (who lives with me) to go only to somewhere that I've visited and talked to the manager, staff and generally observed residents. I found two small homes which were excellent; I visited one a couple of weeks ago, they confirmed a place for my preferred date in the middle of last week and my mother is going there on 7th November. I also found another local home (which was more at the luxury end) which was also able to offer a place when I wanted.

It is frustrating not being able to book much in advance but I can understand it as the care homes are businesses and need pretty high occupancy rates. It is a fair bit of work and effort but I'm also seeing it as a bit of investment for the future as it is highly likely that my mother will need to move into permanent care at some point and it will have been useful visiting homes, getting a feel for them and seeing how she fares.

If you have a local carers' cafe or group, it might be worth going along as there are bound to be people with experience locally who might have ideas of places to try. Sorry I don't have any more practical ideas. Good luck. Sue

Thanks for that; yes, it is exhausting. There seem to be no homes in this area with a designated respite room and yet, as you say, they could well be on to a good thing if they did.
We live in an area ( North Wales) with a very high population of the elderly and care homes are closing at quite a rate; three within walking distance of us in the last week!
Unfortunately we have few, if any, relatives to stand care duty.
I really am not whingeing, just venting frustration!

 

[Kevinl]

You may well have found the site below, it lists 449 care home throughout Wales that say they do respite.
K


http://www.carehome.co.uk/care_sear...rchchtype/respite-care/orderid/-1/startpage/1

 

[Jessbow]

You may well have found the site below, it lists 449 care home throughout Wales that say they do respite.
K


http://www.carehome.co.uk/care_sear...rchchtype/respite-care/orderid/-1/startpage/1

One I wanted my late mother to go into had respite beds- 2 out of about 40, and when they are full, they are full. respite for one person can be a couple of nights, for another 3 months......

I was told she could fill a vacant ordinary bed, providing they had one free at the time! Basically if they'd had a resident 'vacate' the bed.

I am absolutely certain that if someone opened a small 'respite only' until they would never be wanting for trade

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to book and pay for what you wanted, and know its there waiting?

 

[velocity]

Mmm now where do I start I found a Home who could take Mum for the odd week end leading up to two weeks holiday, great I thought also did day care, but there was a nice one closer who did day care so I tried both to see which one Mum preferred (this was after looking round for over two years and we were over due for respite, self funded). Mum had been deteriorating I kept taking Mum to GPs with suspected infection 'somewhere' They kept saying no its deterioration I informed the home of what I suspected. Well what could be good for a week-end or day care doesn't mean its good for two weeks sadly, they do not always do what they say they are going to do ie activities, hairdressing, poor Mum. Her clothes stank I washed them all. We had another holiday booked 8 wks later, I must say I wasn't keen but didn't think I had time to find another. Then work commitments for my OH became difficult and we couldn't go when we booked so I had to cancel I did find elsewhere but had to cancel that, so re-booked the respite we had had before. Well the day before we were due to go I had a phone call from the Manager could you bring your Mum over for an assessment as we suspect we cannot meet your Mums needs, bearing in mind when I picked Mum up from the previous respite all was well 'come back soon' was mentioned all was well. I went along they refused Mum saying they couldn't meet Mums needs they weren't Dementia trained (now they tell me) Their website includes Dementia clients I had been explicit about Mum's Dementia also printing off needs and preferences etc to help them and Mum! luckily we weren't flying. I did find another very quickly, it was far better for her, but very unsettling. I am frankly disgusted by the care in a lot of homes and their charges.
So now I have to start looking again.

 

[SEASHELL]

This is what we originally wanted for my mother. Just once or twice a week until the medication was looked at. A relative of mine phone the social worker and the next thing you know my mother was in a care home (I was told the medication would be reviewd there but that didn't happen) and to cut a long story short she was given all the tablets we had to take her off and she became so bad she ended up in the psychiatric hospital.

Not only were the care home fees an absolute disgrace (about £700 a week which we couldn't afford) but they only wanted her in permanent residence and we couldn't find occasional respite care. I think all some of these homes are interested in is money.