Respite Care

Big "H"

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
16
0
Hi
My Wife has today been admitted for Respite Care, as I broke down while the District Nurse and Macmillan Nurse were at my home,they between them set up Emergency Respite thankfully at the Home where she goes for Day Care and while I know I need a Break I feel Guilty for allowing her to Go, this is the first time she has been away from me in the 5 years since she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and I am sitting here wondering whether I should have agreed.It is only for 7 days but she will think it a lifetime!
As anyone else gone through the same feelings?

Big "H"
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
You sound as if you really need a break. Maybe forget about new year and get an early night and a worry free sleep. Your lovely lady is safe. Its a wee holiday for both of you.
 

Caseys

Registered User
Dec 10, 2015
37
0
Hi
My Wife has today been admitted for Respite Care, as I broke down while the District Nurse and Macmillan Nurse were at my home,they between them set up Emergency Respite thankfully at the Home where she goes for Day Care and while I know I need a Break I feel Guilty for allowing her to Go, this is the first time she has been away from me in the 5 years since she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and I am sitting here wondering whether I should have agreed.It is only for 7 days but she will think it a lifetime!
As anyone else gone through the same feelings?

Big "H"

New to this but I think an important part of helping others is being able to take the time to care for yourself. Do that and when you feel stronger you will be better able to support her. Never feel guilty xx
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
Hi Big 'H'
I really hope you were able to get a good night's sleep.
I am amazed you have managed to care for your wife for 5 years without a break - what a wonderful husband you are.

I don't think anyone accepts respite care without some of the feelings you are having. However, please keep in mind that both your District and Macmillan Nurse felt so strongly that you need a break that they acted immediately, so trust their experience.

You must need some time to recharge your batteries. And you know the home your wife is in so you need have no worries about her care; she will be well looked after. Please put aside any guilt - you matter so much and need to recuperate; and your wife needs you fighting fit to continue your caring for her.

I'm sure you will want to visit her - may I just gently request that you don't stay all day every day; it will be tempting, I know. The respite, though, is for you to have some time to rest and let your body relax while you aren't providing the physical day to day support - the care home will do all that, and you know it's familiar to your wife, so let them do their job. If you visit, just go for a short while and have some pleasant, stress free time together.

I hope you have some support at home; maybe the respite break will give you a chance to consider having a bit more care at home, to keep you both well looked after.

You did the right thing, Big 'H' :)

Very best wishes
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
We had a week rehab after a fall and I felt the same as you - I was worried and stressed for the first 24 hours but then I visited and she was really happy to see me but she was clearly very comfortable where she was and she showed me her room and the gardens - quite the Queen Bee!!! I was very relieved to have some time once I saw she was reasonably settled and I hope you will have some time for recharging and as Shedrech says perhaps you can get a carers assessment and have a few hours break each week (social services will do the carers assessment - give the adult duty desk a ring and tell them exactly what you told us in the first post and they will arrange it for you).

She is safe and well looked after and she knows the home so have a stress free few days - it will soon disappear!!!
 

Namrah

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
12
0
Hi
My Wife has today been admitted for Respite Care, as I broke down while the District Nurse and Macmillan Nurse were at my home,they between them set up Emergency Respite thankfully at the Home where she goes for Day Care and while I know I need a Break I feel Guilty for allowing her to Go, this is the first time she has been away from me in the 5 years since she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and I am sitting here wondering whether I should have agreed.It is only for 7 days but she will think it a lifetime!
As anyone else gone through the same feelings?

Big "H"

You will be able to give more after a break, you are doing stirling work at the sound of it. Do look into regular support to help you both. I enjoy my dementia carers lunch x1 month where we share ideas and laugh and the absurdities we cope with without a second thought. Big hug.
 

Big "H"

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
16
0
Carers Lunches

You will be able to give more after a break, you are doing stirling work at the sound of it. Do look into regular support to help you both. I enjoy my dementia carers lunch x1 month where we share ideas and laugh and the absurdities we cope with without a second thought. Big hug.

Hi Namrah

The Cares Lunches always fall on a day when Sue is at Home with me so unable to go

Best Wishes for 2016

Big "H"
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,050
0
GLASGOW
How are you big h? Are yiu getting some rest and recovery? We are all thinking about you and your lovely lady.
 

Big "H"

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
16
0
Returning Home

How are you big h? Are yiu getting some rest and recovery? We are all thinking about you and your lovely lady.

Hi Quilty

I did manage to get some rest as well as having Jobs done while Sue was away like having a New Carpet in the Kitchen, but it all fell apart when Sue came Home as she broke down and cried asking Why I had put her away? and it had been a long time away "7 Nights" this didn't help me at all!

regards

Big"H"
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
Hi Big "H"
respite must feel a little like a 2 edged sword

you seem to have got a lot done, which must be satisfying; and had time to rest too
so hopefully your batteries have recharged, which is what the respite was for

I can only imagine what it must feel like to have your wife say that to you - please though, remember that the Nurses felt so strongly that YOU needed a break; sometimes you have to put yourself first to be able to continue caring, so do be ready to accept more support for you both

I hope you swiftly settle back into being at home together

best wishes
 

PeterMD

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
23
0
N.IRELAND
Have been caring for mother for 5 Years

I'm scared of putting my mum for Respite in the fear they may never let her home again however I feel I have to do something as each day I'm dreading. Iv 2 brothers who offer no help and one sister who helps most Thursdays. But my mother's Alzheimer's now has reached the point where the most I can leave her for is a one minute visit to the toilet. I have a permanent headache from the constant repetitive questions and behaviours. My mum smoked 4 cigs a day now it's over 20 a day it's impossible to get her to sleep wow I could go on and on its Saturday and I haven't left this sofa in 5 years I use to love Saturdays not anymore.
 

PeterMD

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
23
0
N.IRELAND
just joined unsure how to navigate site

Mother Alzheimer's for over 5 years becoming impossible iv 2 brothers who offer no help my sis helps most Thursdays, I feel defeated
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
Peter
Sounds to me as though the time has come to have some help - quite a bit of help actually and to begin to regain your life slowly bit by bit :)

Have you had an assessment from social services? Could your mum go to a day centre? These are real sanity savers for a lot of people and mean that they can stay independent for longer. There are council run ones and AS run them too and Crossroads as well. It would give you a break from each other and you a life

I hope you have had all the benefit checks - carers allowance (means tested) , attendance allowance (not means tested), council tax waiver ?

A Carers Assessment for you to give you some sitting hours free and a break?

This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

Do have a look at it
http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf

And finally Age UK will help you with any forms and benefits and they send someone round free to do that 0800 169 2081 give them a ring they are open a lot and its a freephone number

and the AS helpline are really good too
Alzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 1122 can provide information, support, guidance and signposting to other appropriate organisations.

The Helpline is usually open from:
9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday

Whatever you decide to do you do need to do something - you sound, understandably depressed and you need a life too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

PeterMD

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
23
0
N.IRELAND
Fizzle Thank u

Yes there is a day centre Mon to Fri a bus would pick up mother at 10am and leave her home at 3pm. It cost £3 only a day for a nice lunch plus they had outings. Unfortunately my mother would get into panics and cause bedlam, so I had to stop mum from going.

Social services provide for me 2 4hour sits a week, I use this time to go to work, work has been very good and allowed me to reduce my hours.

These 2 mornings don't seem like breaks anymore cus it all just starts again at 12noon I thought I could do this but after 5years and what feels like not a minute to think, even posting this message I'm replying to my mum's same questions about what to do with her tissue or does anyone visit today or am I going out. Powerful powerful powerful. Even to be able to watch a 30min tv show without interruption would be such a blessing but impossible.
 

RedLou

Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
1,161
0
Peter, it sounds to me as if you're at the end of your tether. Five years is a big chunk of your life. Has the time come to place your mother in a CH?
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
Just a thought could you ask your GP to help your mum with medication for the panic attacks so that she could access the day centre, sounds perfect for you.

If this is not a great idea then perhaps respite would be good and then you could see how you both adjusted. If they don't feel she can live at home then they would help you with that decision too.

Just a few thoughts x
 

PeterMD

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
23
0
N.IRELAND
medication

Unfortunately my GP only gives my mother Aricept and no sleeping tabs cus he says my mum would lose her balance, so instead half a Quetiapine at night I said forget about the half at night cus they r imposs to cut without the other half being losses. But every month I ring up for repeat prescription it's the same thing it's only half one at night it's crazy really is plus they don't seem to work for sleep.
 

PeterMD

Registered User
Jan 1, 2016
23
0
N.IRELAND
care home

Peter, it sounds to me as if you're at the end of your tether. Five years is a big chunk of your life. Has the time come to place your mother in a CH?

Truthfully I think about it every day and then I look at my mum and fight my way out of it.
 

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