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Respite care

Lois123

Registered User
Dec 16, 2013
18
My husband has had Lewy Body Dementia for 4 years and I am finding it so difficult to cope with - need antidepressants and lorezapam. Recently he led on the floor a number of times and could not move for a couple of hours, then his mobility came back. GP thought that he should go into respite care to be assessed which I dreaded as I thought that I would miss him so much. The reverse happened - while he was away all the depression and anxiety went, I felt normal for the first time in years and it was wonderful. Now that he is back home I feel dreadful again. Has anyone else had a similar experience or could offer advice.

Many thanks.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello lois123 l am sure that having the break from your husband has made you feel normal, we all need that break, my hubby has not been in respite yet, l do get a few hours a week l feel good just having time without him, l do still love him very much, its not his fault that Mr Alzheimers came along, as the same for your hubby, but we do need to recharge our batteries to be able to keep on caring ♡♡♡
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,993
London
I am sure the respite was great but it's only a temporary measure. You need more help day to day or you'll ruin your health. If an assessment of his and your needs has not happened, now is the time to request one. I don't know what you have in place already, but think about day care, sitting service and carers coming to the house, and ultimately a care home. You have a right to a life of your own and please do remember that you do NOT have a duty of care, but social services do. It's time they supported you more fully - it simply won't do letting you feel awful and depressed.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
My husband has had Lewy Body Dementia for 4 years and I am finding it so difficult to cope with - need antidepressants and lorezapam. Recently he led on the floor a number of times and could not move for a couple of hours, then his mobility came back. GP thought that he should go into respite care to be assessed which I dreaded as I thought that I would miss him so much. The reverse happened - while he was away all the depression and anxiety went, I felt normal for the first time in years and it was wonderful. Now that he is back home I feel dreadful again. Has anyone else had a similar experience or could offer advice.

Many thanks.
I'm so glad the respite care was helpful to you both, and it is a great relief to be able to sleep and do things you haven't been able to do before. Alas, Social Services will not offer you extra help, you have to ask for it, and you must beg, plead and insist that they adhere to their Duty of Care and get you some much needed regular respite, like a Day Centre.

Before my late husband went into permanent Residential Care, I was offered one day (4 hours) at a Day Centre, but managed to get 2. I then found a third day myself at a different place. Within 6 months, he was going every day except Sundays. I couldn't have coped otherwise.
 

Lois123

Registered User
Dec 16, 2013
18
Respite

I'm so glad the respite care was helpful to you both, and it is a great relief to be able to sleep and do things you haven't been able to do before. Alas, Social Services will not offer you extra help, you have to ask for it, and you must beg, plead and insist that they adhere to their Duty of Care and get you some much needed regular respite, like a Day Centre.

Before my late husband went into permanent Residential Care, I was offered one day (4 hours) at a Day Centre, but managed to get 2. I then found a third day myself at a different place. Within 6 months, he was going every day except Sundays. I couldn't have coped otherwise.
Thank you so much for all your replies - I will try to get more support but he is going into respite again tomorrow as I simply cannot cope.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Thank you so much for all your replies - I will try to get more support but he is going into respite again tomorrow as I simply cannot cope.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong in saying that you can't cope. I couldn't, and I don't feel at all bad about it. We're all only human beings, trying to do our best, and there's no Richter Scale that definitively states at what point you'll be overwhelmed.

Please get as much rest and recuperation and respite yourself now, whilst hubby is having his. You definitely need it. xxx