Respite Care

[Lilian&Dave]

Hi, have not visited for a while but have just been offered respite for my husband of 52 years (he is now 80) and had alzheimers for several years. How do you approach the subject of him going for respite, is it best to just announce on the day we are off for a short break and when we get there go in to see the place and use some distraction method to leave him, or try to make him understand he is going on a little break on his own to give me the much needed break. Not only am I currently dealing with his constant need of me but my mother aged 90 for whom I am also sole carer has been diagnosed with terminal cancer with an expectancy of 3/4 months, so I desperately need a bit of time to myself but feel very guilty about sending my husband away. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[marionq]

Sounds like you have a heavy load to carry. Everything depends on how far down the dementia road your husband is. Has he seen the care home, does he go to day centre, would he notice different surroundings? All if these things are relevant to how he will react. If you tell him he needs a wee break to convalesce will he remember that by the next day? Tricky! I hope it works out as you must need a break yourself.

 

[Beenie]

Hi
Blimey that's a lot on your shoulders! Don't feel guilty, you must remember to look after yourself too.
I tell my uncle (who I'm full time carer for) that I'm going into hospital for an operation on my leg and won't be able to look after him for a while! I have done this 3 times and it always works. But you know your husband best and you will find what he is happy to except! Don't worry about telling a white lie if you have too xx

 

[Maymab]

For my husband I knew there was no point in telling him in advance so I just said we are going for a drive and once we had been admitted, I told him he was going to stay for a while and I would see him soon. This worked ok for him. Good luck, whatever method you choose.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Scarlett123]

Hi, have not visited for a while but have just been offered respite for my husband of 52 years (he is now 80) and had alzheimers for several years. How do you approach the subject of him going for respite, is it best to just announce on the day we are off for a short break and when we get there go in to see the place and use some distraction method to leave him, or try to make him understand he is going on a little break on his own to give me the much needed break. Not only am I currently dealing with his constant need of me but my mother aged 90 for whom I am also sole carer has been diagnosed with terminal cancer with an expectancy of 3/4 months, so I desperately need a bit of time to myself but feel very guilty about sending my husband away. Any advice would be appreciated.

Goodness, you must have shoulders like Charles Atlas, to carry such a huge load, single-handedly! You must be shattered. My husband is going for 4 weeks respite at the end of the month, as I'm having an operation, and am also worried how to approach this.

I think Maymab's suggestion seems good, so I'll follow that.

 

[Lilian&Dave]

Hi Marionq, Thanks for your input, my husband hasn't seen the Care Home but he has been going to a day centre twice a week for a year now and when he returns he doesn't know what he has been doing. He doesn't settle well and walks out if he can which has involved the police in looking for him, each time has hasn't come to harm but now if he goes anywhere without me it has to be somewhere secure. Yes I do need a break

 

[Lilian&Dave]

I think I will follow your advice as to tell him in advance would make it a very difficult drive to the Care Home, best to get there and take whatever comes then.

 

[Lilian&Dave]

Hi Scarlett123 like you I think I will follow Maymab's advice it seems easier not to tell him in advance. Good luck with your husband's 4 weeks in respite and hope your operation goes well, it seems a shame for you not to have the time just to yourself but it will help to know your husband is being looked after. I would have liked a few days being pampered in a hotel while my husband is in respite but the situation with my mother will not allow that as when he goes middle of June there is no knowing at the moment how her illness will have progressed. The only good thing will be I will have us disturbed nights.