1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. plastic scouser

    plastic scouser Registered User

    Hi Folks

    Just wondering what your experiences are with persuading people to go into respite care?

    My Mum is now getting dangerously tired & at her wits end dealing with Dad, I've been asked to attend a meeting next week with Social Services & the local Mental Health nurse in order to discuss Dad's situation and getting him into respite care.

    Dad is not so out of it that he doesn't know what's going on & it's going to be extremely difficult to persuade him that he needs to go into care for a week or so in order to give Mum a break. I know that it's going to break his heart to be told that he has to "go into a home"...How did you persuade someone that this was the best option - I wish he was a little more confused so that we could get away with telling him it was a hotel or something...

    From what Mum tells me, it would appear that this will be a test of whether he should be sectioned or not - as the care team will do this if he doesn't go willingly.

    I'm torn between Dad and supporting Mum, this is such an evil pernicious disease.
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    #2 connie, Oct 26, 2006
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2006
    Hello plastic scouser, You say that dad is not "so out of it that he does not know what is going on".

    Not knowing your dad, does he have a side of him that would rally to an appeal:
    i.e if you were able to give mum a little break, she would be able to carry on longer,
    or (little white lie) Mum needs to go into hospital for............ so you are going to be looked after at thaT really nice place..

    Sorry I am clutching at straws here. Do hope that you will be able to something put in place for mum. In my reckoning, she is the one in the caring role for the long haul. Never easy I know.
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi plastic Scouser
    can you suggest to SS that Dad stay at home with a live in carer and Mum go away somewhere for a rest?
    No harm in asking
    Norman
     
  4. pammy14

    pammy14 Registered User

    Dec 5, 2005
    103
    leicestershire
    Hi

    With my sister i tell her that the home is a hospital and she's going for a check up.She's not keen but when we arrive there I encourage her out of the car and when she gets inside she seems to settle . i tell her its only for a day or two. I suppose it depends on how confused the person is if you can tell a few white lies but the carer does need a break.

    sister is off tomorrow for a fortnight but I won't tell her till tomorrow morning when I 've got everything ready.
     
  5. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    Hi

    Our family has had bitter expereince of this. When my Grandad had his first visit to Respite we told him he had a hospital appointment and that he might have to stay overnight. He got in the car willingly but as soon as he got to the home he realised what was going on and kicked off!! In the end we were very blunt with him and told him to do it for his wife and this was to prevent him going into a home permanently. He was well looked after during his stay but when I visited him he tried to come home with me!

    My Nan is struggling to cope with Grandad now and emergency respite care was booked again for Grandad but he now point blank refuses to go.

    I totally understand where you are coming from when you say "Dad is not so out of it that he doesn't know what's going on & it's going to be extremely difficult to persuade him that he needs to go into care for a week or so in order to give Mum a break"

    You can only hope that your Dad has some compassion and understanding towards your Mum to agree to this or alternatively "lie" and say he needs to go into hospital for some tests or words to that effect.

    Let us know how you get on. It would be interesting to hear if anymore is said about sectioning as this is something that we are considering looking into.

    Louise x
     
  6. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    My mother knew she was going into a respite place for 12 days. They wouldn't have accepted her without her consent.

    (She wasn't so "out of it" to accept any lies and I was afraid that if I started lying to her she'd never believe me again.)

    Lila
     
  7. plastic scouser

    plastic scouser Registered User

    Hi

    Thanks for the replies...

    My worry is that he'll point blank refuse to go into respite care even if we appeal to his better side...of course he'll be heartbroken too as will be both Mum & I...

    One slightly encouraging thing is that he took a newspaper article to Mum this morning about some drug development/trial at Liverpool University - something to do with AD treatment - Mum said to him, "You do realise that's what you've got don't you?" to which he replied "Yes" - bad news was that Mum was me all morning and he seems to react to me in a better light...maybe I'll have to do the deed and take him to the home??!
     
  8. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    Hi plastic scouser,

    You've already had some really good advice - can I just add a few thoughts:

    * The concept of respite might be new to to your dad in this context. I don't think I knew anything about respite care for people with dementia before visiting this site. If your father can feel that this is a normal part of the process, giving your mum a break, it might be easier for him to accept.

    * Have you seen the home yourself? Would it be possible for him to see it beforehand? For some people, seeing it beforehand might allay some of their fears and emphasize the voluntary nature of respite. Of course other people might have the opposite reaction. How do you think your father would react?

    * This may be a bit of a hostage to fortune, but you can tell him that if he doesn't like the home he can leave early and won't have to go back again. Technically, this is true as he can't be detained without being sectioned.

    Take care,

    Sandy
     
  9. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi,

    Have you seen the home yourself? Would it be possible for him to see it beforehand? For some people, seeing it beforehand might allay some of their fears and emphasize the voluntary nature of respite. Of course other people might have the opposite reaction. How do you think your father would react?*
    I have been fortunate each time Lionel has gone into respite, in that I have taken him there for "tea" a week before. This has helped.
     
  10. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    We had to go along for assessment beforehand, and it was very boring as most of the day was spent sitting around with no-one to talk to.

    It did help that my mother knew people who'd been there before, and her regular carers told her about other clients who went there regularly.

    Strange that she consented to go there for 12 days when she would not go to a day centre in the same place once a week.

    Lila
     

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