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Respite care??

littlerose12345

New member
Jan 22, 2021
6
0
Hi everyone

My MIL has dementia and lives with us. She goes to the local care home for "day care" 5-6 days a week which is great now as especially over lockdown she wasn't able to attend ( we had her, two young children homeschooling and working from home to deal with) It's been so hard and we are desperate for a break.

We have booked to take the children to see Father Christmas in December and had booked a1 night stay as a special treat. Unfortunately the care home cannot guarantee a bed for her that weekend until a week before at least.

We have called other local care homes and most are saying similar.. but with a 1 or 2 week minimum stay. Which will turn out to be a costly visit to Father Christmas :(

Does anyone know if we can access some respite care to help in this situation?
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,933
0
Yorkshire
hi @littlerose12345
I think what you are encountering is par for the course

dare I suggest that, if your MIL has the funds, maybe you and your children deserve a longer break to yourselves after all the stresses of Covid and it would give you a chance to concentrate on them in the run up th Christmas
 

JanBWiltshire

Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
92
0
I agree with shedrech and a week of respite would do you all good. I think we often overlook what is good for us when we are caring for others.

The home would be decorated for Christmas, so it would be a perfect time for her to go there. 🎄
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,433
0
Scotland
Most local authorities allow short periods of respite which are subsidised. In Glasgow area this is two weeks a year and in others it is more. I used to pay around £140 a week up to 2019. Contact Adult social services and ask about this ASAP.
 

JanBWiltshire

Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
92
0
Most local authorities allow short periods of respite which are subsidised. In Glasgow area this is two weeks a year and in others it is more. I used to pay around £140 a week up to 2019. Contact Adult social services and ask about this ASAP.
I think that is something not available in England. In fact very little help is available with dementia via health visitor, doctor or social services. It is only when the patient is in hospital (which my mother is at the moment) when things magically seem to happen mainly due to experienced dementia staff.

I was at breaking point with my elderly mother who was in a terrible state but a ten minute visit by the doctor wasn’t enough for him to see the real issues and even said he found it hard to believe she even had dementia. Perhaps he had never heard of “showtiming”. Despite the copies of the carer reports and even video of her aggressive and confused behaviour he didn’t believe me. 😡
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
566
0
We certainly don't get any respite in our area - believe me I've asked many times!

As @Shedrech says, this seems to be how care homes operate, which makes the concept of "care home choices" a bit pointless. Basically you have to leave it to the last minute, and hope you can find somewhere that is acceptable - great. Certainly, when I've booked respite, the minimum has been 2 weeks (£2500 cost.)
 

JanBWiltshire

Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
92
0
We certainly don't get any respite in our area - believe me I've asked many times!

As @Shedrech says, this seems to be how care homes operate, which makes the concept of "care home choices" a bit pointless. Basically you have to leave it to the last minute, and hope you can find somewhere that is acceptable - great. Certainly, when I've booked respite, the minimum has been 2 weeks (£2500 cost.)
I agree, minimum stays of 2 weeks seem to be the norm…..£3,200 here for residential dementia care for 2 weeks. Hmmmmm.
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
566
0
I agree, minimum stays of 2 weeks seem to be the norm…..£3,200 here for residential dementia care for 2 weeks. Hmmmmm.
Wow! IAnd thought £2500 was extortionate..... she came home with a pressure sore, swollen legs, and half her clothes missing!
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,433
0
Scotland
@JanBWiltshire I’m pretty sure some members from England and Wales have been offered subsidised respite in the past. It is difficult just now because of the virus but the principle should still be there. Of course here if you use your allotted two weeks then you pay full price for additional time which was £1300 per week in 2019.
 

JanBWiltshire

Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
92
0
@JanBWiltshire I’m pretty sure some members from England and Wales have been offered subsidised respite in the past. It is difficult just now because of the virus but the principle should still be there. Of course here if you use your allotted two weeks then you pay full price for additional time which was £1300 per week in 2019.
Some good news……!
My mother is still in hospital after a meltdown and is very confused. I have now been advised the NHS is funding six weeks of either residential care or extra help at home, whichever they think best suits my mother and it isn’t means tested. She is under a safeguarding order after she hit my father several times and also stockpiled tablets which she said she wanted to kill herself with. I am surprised but relieved at this level of help - I was told by the doctor this is due to post Covid where they want to offer a pathway forward rather than risking a return to hospital.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,742
0
West Hertfordshire
Some good news……!
My mother is still in hospital after a meltdown and is very confused. I have now been advised the NHS is funding six weeks of either residential care or extra help at home, whichever they think best suits my mother and it isn’t means tested. She is under a safeguarding order after she hit my father several times and also stockpiled tablets which she said she wanted to kill herself with. I am surprised but relieved at this level of help - I was told by the doctor this is due to post Covid where they want to offer a pathway forward rather than risking a return to hospital.
And if she says she wants to go home, rather than a residential placement that is what will happen.
Then the additional help will kick in, usually an hour in the morning, then three further calls of 15 mins if you are lucky.
You'll get different carers different days and at different times,may see 4 ifferent carers in a day, then 4 more the day after.
 

JanBWiltshire

Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
92
0
And if she says she wants to go home, rather than a residential placement that is what will happen.
Then the additional help will kick in, usually an hour in the morning, then three further calls of 15 mins if you are lucky.
You'll get different carers different days and at different times,may see 4 ifferent carers in a day, then 4 more the day after.
You are so right! See my new thread..one step forward and three back. Today, I learned they will out two half hour slots in place but that is not for four weeks so she has to remain in hospital. I’m so fed up at the lack of recognition that she simply isn’t fit to be at home with little help. I’m exasperated and really dread the future.
 

littlerose12345

New member
Jan 22, 2021
6
0
Thank you all for your posts. Just to update the care home she attends for Day Care have finally confirmed a bed for her. Thankfully haven't stipulated a minimum stay but we will likely have 1-2 weeks to give us much needed respite.

thanks again.