Respite Care

Gladys1946

Registered User
Feb 17, 2019
34
After reaching the end of my tether, I contacted Social Care and said I needed respite for my OH. Eventually I was seen and we were both interviewed and I was granted 4 weeks a year. I spent a week off and on the phone and computer trying to find a placement. Easier said than done believe me. Finally found somewhere but the rule was that due to the current situation he wouldn't be able to leave his room and the only interaction he would have would be the staff at various times during the day. That worried me, he wouldn't understand why he was being kept in a room on his own. Found another who said if he had a test and it was negative he could socialise. Managed to get a test and thankfully negative. He's now self isolating for a week. The cost is way more than the Council are paying but the cost is immaterial if he's happy. This situation is horrid for all of us struggling with this horrible disease and I received no help to sort this so how someone who wasn't computer literate or knew their way around the system would manage I dread to think. Life right now with the rule of 6 etc is just awful. Sorry for the whine but some days are just the pits!!!! And as for Christmas - we feel it may be OHs last Christmas so family was going to come and spend it with us, albeit staying with daughter. That's now been scuppered. Its so cruel.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,716
66
Toronto, Canada
This disease is very cruel. You're quite right, someone who doesn't know their way around the system would have a difficult time.

As for Christmas, it's 3 months away, who knows what the situation will be then? Hang in there. And you're entitled to a whine now and again.
 

Gladys1946

Registered User
Feb 17, 2019
34
So his bag is packed ready to go to respite tomorrow. All day he's been saying he's perfectly capable of looking himself and doesn't see why he should go into any home. He's been grumpy and very quiet. I've spent the day off and on in tears. I feel guilty that I'm doing this and simply dreading taking him in the morning. I know he's going to fret being away from me but I simply can't go on without a break. I know that if he refuses to go tomorrow, I'll throw in the towel and cancel. Our daughter is taking us as we're then going to visit my son. Hopefully he won't kick off with her. Has anyone else felt this way?
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
747
@Gladys1946 I think many of us have felt this way.

It is very rare for a PWD to have insight to understand what is happening to them and the knock-on effect on carers. My Mum (mixed dementia) never understood why she needed to go into a home, my father was at the end of his tether and it was undoubtedly the only, and best thing we could have done.
It is horrible having to take them, I will never forget the first day I took my Mum for what was a permanent stay. However, hard as it was, she settled very well and had happy years in the home where she bonded very strongly with the carers.
We tried, with my Mum, not to dwell on things too much and to take her to the home as if this was something we normally did. It helped that the home was somewhere she had previously been for respite. We left quietly, whilst she was having dinner. I would advise not saying goodbye - sounds counter productive but many people have recommended that here, and when I was leaving Mummy, this just made her more unsettled.
I hope this goes as well as it can and that you get some much-needed rest.
 

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