Respite care/things happening fast now

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Grandaughter 1, Aug 5, 2006.

  1. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Louise,
    I think your nan's reaction is an indication of how tiring she must be finding looking after grandad. She needs the break. Maybe it is a good thing that grandad has another day to settle in before you visit, and gives you time to get your emotions together, so you can walk in with a big smile.
    Let us know how it goes tomorrow.
    Love Helen
     
  2. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    Hello everyone,

    Well I went to visit Grandad for the 1st time this evening with my sister and it didn't go too well at all. I went in very nervous but excited about seeing him but it soon vanished.

    As soon as Grandad saw us he grabbed his wash bag and walked out his room expecting that we'd come to take him home. He was adamant that he was going home today and when we said he wasn't he shouted "no" at us. We told him that he couldn't fit in our car and that Uncle was coming to collect him in a few days (9 days in fact) but he wasn't having it. He said he hated it here, the bed was uncomfortable, the food was yuck and he wasn't sleeping. Me and Sis didn't know what to do as going home was all he could go on about. In the end we decided to leave as he was getting agitated but he tried to follow us, luckily he is very slow on his feet.

    I feel sooo guilty but on the other hand keep thinking how Nan is getting a break. This week is turning into an emotional rollercoaster and my poor children must be wondering why Mummy keeps cuddling them loads and telling them I love them constantly. They are turning into my security blankets if that makes sense!
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Yes, it does make since I know the feeling .

    hope you do not mind me saying, but visiting your granddad while his in respite may not be a good idea as its upsetting for him and your just end up tormenting yourself and if your going back to your grandmother telling her of your grandfather reaction when you visited him. she may end up feeling guilty for enjoying herself , your grandmother seem to be enjoying her time out , which she well deceives to recharge her battery as not long left before your granddad gets back home . Where she going to need your support Courage more so then .
     
  4. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    No, I don't mind you saying at all. We knew that visiting might not go well, but it was worse than anticipated. I've already decided not to go again.
    My sister and I didn't phone Nan but unfortuantely she did phone my sister late last night to ask how it went. She couldn't lie but just kept it brief and said he wanted to come home but is being well looked after so not to worry.

    It just goes against your natural instincts to not visit but I know it's for the best. We just have to put our trust in the staff and hope they would phone if there are any problems.
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Not long to go now till next Wednesday .

    How did the
    Go with your Nan
    I say, that is a great therapy well that is my excuse:) Now that is something to look forward to when my mum go into respite in 2 week time :D
     
  6. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    141
    Hampshire
    My Mum went clothes shopping with Nan and she didn't buy a thing! She decided she had stuff in her wardrobe that hadn't been worn so didn't need anything:rolleyes: We did persuade her to go out again the next day and buy herself a pair of shoes though as her old one's were horrid. She made me laugh as she she bought some with velcro and said "well I may as well join the kids with their new fangled velcro shoes!!!":)

    Margarita - I hope you end up buying more than my Nan did!

    Louise x

    ps My Mum has visited Grandad briefly and although he was still asking to go home he didn't get agitated and try and follow her out the door which is a bonus:D
     
  7. tedsmum

    tedsmum Registered User

    Jun 28, 2006
    34
    Hi Louise

    I know just what you mean every time I say goodbye to my dad he says to me "I think it's time we probably left" and follows me to the door where a member of staff gently distracts him and I make my escape but I always turn round to wave and he's looking at me blankly.It just cuts me up everytime.Your grandad's very lucky to have someone who obviously cares about him as much as you do.
    Take care

    XX
     
  8. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    As much as I love my Nan, everyone seems to be trying to detach themselves from Grandads feelings which I don't know if this is good or not!

    I think it is wonderful that you are acting as your grandfather's advocate in all this. I do think that AD patients are not as aware of what is happening around them and their perspectives are awry due to the disease. Hopefully this means that your grandfather won't sustain any feelings of abandonment because he simply won't recall what has happened. Also, when AD patients strongly resist such things as respite, it might be helpful to try and think how they would have reacted to such a situation in their pre-AD days.

    For example, a few months ago my father was put on Warfarin (a blood thinning drug) for his heart problems. It was not properly monitored and he became really ill - fortunately made a complete recovery. Mum (AD patient) who in her pre-AD days would have been very vigilant about this situation and raised Heaven and earth to make sure Dad was all right, simply said "oh well, I knew he wasn't well but the doctor didn't come so I thought he was all right".

    I give this example to suggest that in his pre-AD days, your grandfather would have been able to recognise that his wife needed a break, and probably would have complied for her sake. AD seems to rob people of any ability for empathy, so they only see how they are feeling, not how their illness effects others.

    I guess I'm saying all this to help you feel better about the subterfusion around your grandfather going into respite . If you grandmother is going to continue to care for him, she must have some periods of respite or both of them will suffer.

    I hope all goes well for all of you.
    Nell
     

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