Respite care, in the nick of time

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by northumbrian_k, Aug 29, 2018.

  1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    My wife was very restless today, especially when we were at the hairdresser’s. Even with me there to help I could see it was becoming difficult for them and it may be time to look for a different solution. There is a hairdressing salon at the day centre so that would be an option, assuming that she will continue to go to there after her respite stay. Other than that, a mobile hairdresser might be able to come here but they would have to be aware of and able to deal with dementia.

    I noticed a rather unpleasant smell when she came back from one of her ‘handwashing’ trips this afternoon. I went upstairs to check and found her hand towel covered in excrement, not for the first time but certainly the worst so far. I replaced the towel and put the soiled one in the bucket aptly labelled ‘soak’. Unfortunately when I checked later she had done it again but to a lesser extent, so that was another towel in the bucket. Later this evening (around 10 pm) a third towel had been soiled. I persuaded her to undress and found her knickers so full of faeces that they went straight in the bin. There were also traces on the bathroom floor which I cleaned up whilst she got washed in the shower room.

    This may be the start of a new and unpleasant phase related to forgetting how to use the toilet, forgetting to remove her knickers when using the toilet, or simply (and most unwelcome) the beginning of incontinence. Part of the trouble is that she uses up a newly replaced toilet roll in seconds by stuffing it in her bag and other unlikely places. When it comes to using the toilet she doesn’t think to open her bag to get out the paper, finds that there is none in the bathroom, so then uses whatever is to hand, which is often a towel. She then hangs the soiled towel on the rail and continues to use it, apparently not noticing the soiling and smell

    Everything is now in place for the respite care that I have booked as a trial before a longer stay next Easter. I packed my wife's bag whilst she was at the day centre yesterday, using Sharpie pens to label her clothes. After some confusion and a clarifying phone call today it seems that her day support worker will come here at 9:30 tomorrow as usual. She will take my wife to the centre to start her 3 night respite stay, which might work better than if I were to do it..

    I am less stressed about all this than I thought but the respite has come in the nick of time and will be most welcome.
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    The soiling sounds dreadful. Sorry I have no suggestions but I hope the respite works well for both of you.
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Fingers crossed for the respite. I doubt it will be easy for you @northumbrian_k but I sincerely hope you will get some benefit from it.
  4. malomm

    malomm Registered User

  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    I hope everything goes smoothly today & that you get a good rest @northumbrian_k
  6. malomm

    malomm Registered User

    Hello there Northumbrian,
    Exactly the same problem I have with Mrs. M., not incontinent, but unable to clean herself in a 'normal' way. My solution is Tena disposable knickers, pull ups, and a forced change. She is unable to change them herself, uses the toilet bowl for a pee, but prefers the bidet for a bowel movement. Messy. I do hope the respite works well for you. We don't have that luxury here.
    Onwards and upwards.
    All the best.

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