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Respite bombshell

tilshead

Registered User
Jul 15, 2012
9
Swindon
It's been a long time since I've been here but it's been a real tough week. My husband Brian went into respite for a week to give us both a break last week. While he was in there he dropped the bombshell he didn't want to come home. Said he no longer loved me, said he thought I was now ugly and didn't want to come home. We've been married 38 years & up until last week I thought very happy. He has now come home but is now in his own room & I now I am just his carer. Sadly I still love him like I did the day we got married & it is just so hard. This bloody illness is just so cruel & I feel for the want of a much better word ****.b:(
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
It's been a long time since I've been here but it's been a real tough week. My husband Brian went into respite for a week to give us both a break last week. While he was in there he dropped the bombshell he didn't want to come home. Said he no longer loved me, said he thought I was now ugly and didn't want to come home. We've been married 38 years & up until last week I thought very happy. He has now come home but is now in his own room & I now I am just his carer. Sadly I still love him like I did the day we got married & it is just so hard. This bloody illness is just so cruel & I feel for the want of a much better word ****.b:(
Oh wow, I'll bet you do. How horrible for you, tilshead. Do you think it's the dementia talking, or does he still have the ability to know what he's saying? Is his ability to reason still intact?

Obviously, you know him far better than I do.
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,074
Devon
So sorry Tilshead, you must be devastated. I hope this is just a temporary thing caused by the illness and you get your 'old' husband back, as much as possible, very soon. You must feel very lonely. Hope posting on TP is helpful and you will continue to post. It's helpful to hear of other people's experiences even if they are negative ones because there may be others who are going through something similar. Big hugs to you. Es
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

tilshead

Registered User
Jul 15, 2012
9
Swindon
Thank you

Oh wow, I'll bet you do. How horrible for you, tilshead. Do you think it's the dementia talking, or does he still have the ability to know what he's saying? Is his ability to reason still intact?

Obviously, you know him far better than I do.
I think it's the illness.i hope it's the illness but stupidly it has still put doubts in my mind. I feel very selfish moaning about this because I know I am still very lucky compared to many people but it has helped to offload thank you
 

tilshead

Registered User
Jul 15, 2012
9
Swindon
Thank you

So sorry Tilshead, you must be devastated. I hope this is just a temporary thing caused by the illness and you get your 'old' husband back, as much as possible, very soon. You must feel very lonely. Hope posting on TP is helpful and you will continue to post. It's helpful to hear of other people's experiences even if they are negative ones because there may be others who are going through something similar. Big hugs to you. Es
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for your support. I just needed to offload x
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
It's the illness, Tilshead. Very hurtful but you do become immune to a certain extent. Try to hold on to loving memories. My OH hated me for about 18 months or thought he did. He has recently become more contented in his CH and think he looks forward to seeing me now. I know it's easier said than done but try not to take it too much to heart. Your loving man is still in there somewhere.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
I think it's the illness.i hope it's the illness but stupidly it has still put doubts in my mind. I feel very selfish moaning about this because I know I am still very lucky compared to many people but it has helped to offload thank you
Far from being selfish, you may end up helping someone else, unknowingly. Really feel for the both of you. Dementia sometimes tends to do the 'in yer face' act. There's so much that can't be helped by the person whose got it, but the person caring for them is always liable to suffer dreadfully if the couple are, or were once, very close.

Hoping today is a much better one for you.
 

Kjn

Registered User
Jul 27, 2013
5,835
Oh how awful, is dementia is so cruel to all concerned , stick around xxx
 

Suelynd

Registered User
Jun 12, 2015
11
North Wales
Oh how awful, is dementia is so cruel to all concerned , stick around xxx
I agree it must be the illness talking, not that knowing that makes it any easier for you. I too detest this disease and sometimes think it would be easier to bear if they had died rather than this long, slow goodbye:(
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
I agree it must be the illness talking, not that knowing that makes it any easier for you. I too detest this disease and sometimes think it would be easier to bear if they had died rather than this long, slow goodbye:(
Cherish the good moments in the long, slow goodbye - they are gone so soon and often when we least expect it. I speak from experience as will many others on TP. WIFE