Resilience mines depleted today.....

[wetnosewheatie]

Hello all looking for a bit of tea and sympathy. Ian normally fairly resilient to what life chucks st me but I'm scraping the barrel today. Yesterday I went to see my dad and he was snoozing on his bed as is becoming increasingly common. He became incontinent while I was there which was upsetting. The care staff then asked me if there was any chance I could try and ascertain his wishes and feelings about end of life. Not sure why yesterday unless it was like an annual review as he's lived there just twelve months. Anyway the only response I could get was he didn't care he wouldn't be there bless him. It just knocked me for six having to try and get this conversation going. Today a valued colleague and all round beautiful person passed away. She was a foster mum of 3 as well as a brilliant social worker to many children. She was early fifties. It was quick she was in work last week. Oh both ends of the spectrum when it comes to death. I am sad for the living and sad for the dying. Even my usual black humour is failing me today x

 

[jenrab91]

Hi - I send you my sympathy as only someone who has a beloved parent at a care home

Hello all looking for a bit of tea and sympathy. Ian normally fairly resilient to what life chucks st me but I'm scraping the barrel today. Yesterday I went to see my dad and he was snoozing on his bed as is becoming increasingly common. He became incontinent while I was there which was upsetting. The care staff then asked me if there was any chance I could try and ascertain his wishes and feelings about end of life. Not sure why yesterday unless it was like an annual review as he's lived there just twelve months. Anyway the only response I could get was he didn't care he wouldn't be there bless him. It just knocked me for six having to try and get this conversation going. Today a valued colleague and all round beautiful person passed away. She was a foster mum of 3 as well as a brilliant social worker to many children. She was early fifties. It was quick she was in work last week. Oh both ends of the spectrum when it comes to death. I am sad for the living and sad for the dying. Even my usual black humour is failing me today x

Hi - I think when you have gone through seeing a parent/husband or wife or anyone that you love having to go into a care home because of dementia when they dont want to be there and just see them deteriorating and not knowing you any more is one of the most distressing experiences in life and it also makes your outlook on life like your quote above. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack and I was devastated but seeing my wonderful mum living with dementia for the last 5 years and now unable to walk or feed herself I know that my dad got it right as I remember him laughing and full of life and I am finding it hard to remember what my dear mum was like and wake in the night and just see visions of how she is now. All I can say is I understand and hope your day is better tomorrow.

 

[wetnosewheatie]

Thank you jenrab. Same here my mum had cancer but it was relatively quick and I can still picture the good times x

 

[Fastwalker]

I know what you mean wetnose and jenrab. My mum is in a similar situation to jenrabs and has been in this state since early September last year when she was taken into hospital with an infection. My dad died of bowel cancer and it was five years between diagnosis and when he died. He was only 65 and it was terrible. He did have some good times in the five years but he also had some terrible times too. He was very brave as he was told five years at diagnosis. The difference between him and my mum is that my mum now I think most of the time isn't aware, or rather cant remember as she lives literally in the moment and my poor dad was fully aware all the time.

 

[wetnosewheatie]

It's awful isn't it x sorry to hear your story too fastwalker