Residential/specialised dementia care homes

[marionq]

I have been directed by social work to two specialised dementia care homes this week. Both were unsuitable as the people were much further along than John and he would have had no one to talk to and frankly would have been horrified at behaviours he has not yet reached.

He is recommended for specialised care because he is/was a wanderer but he still washes and shaves daily and dresses with a little help. He eats well and sleeps well aided by sleeping tablets.

What then would be the correct category of care home for him? I cannot place him in a situation which would alarm him and I am being told that if I hold out for the care home I want, the funding may have moved on by the time a place comes available.

I am coming round to the idea of keeping him at home if I cannot find a suitable place. Has anyone else taken this route? I need to convince SW somehow that they are not getting this right.

 

[truth24]

Sorry I can't help you but my OH's home has 4 different 'lounges' according to the stage the residents are at. He is in the second level but often hear the first level residents chatting among themselves. They also serve themselves from serving dishes on the tables when eating, sometimes with a little supervision whereas meals are served for them in the more advanced lounges.

 

[marionq]

The two homes I saw this week had nothing like that. It seems to me that if you put individuals in with a group who are much worse then they will become depressed or withdrawn. Is it because I have only seen two plus the one I liked two months ago. Is the range much wider and if so how do you find them? How are they categorised on paper?

Maybe we need the equivalent of an estate agent to find the right place for us?

 

[Jinx]

Marionq, can I ask how old your husband is? For my husband, who is nearly 83 the category would be EMI (elderly mentally infirm). Like your husband he is still able to wash, shave and dress with quite a lot of prompting. He is a wanderer too. He has gone for respite a week at a time in three different CHs and seemed to be OK. One had different lounges as truth has mentioned but he was allowed to wander at will and when I went to collect him he was in a lounge intended for those further along than he is but he didn't seem phased by it. One of the homes my daughter and I visited for reference was EMI but there was one male resident who couldn't have been more than mid fifties. It's a horrible dilemma for you but you've got to think of yourself too in all of this. x


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[marionq]

He is 82 and unless I watch him constantly would put his hat and coat on and go out. Once out he has no idea how to get back but this doesn't trouble him. As his knee gets worse he is limited in how far he can go but can cover surprising distances. I monitor him with a tracker and also a mobile phone on those rare occasions nowadays when he is insistent on going out without me.

Since the rash of police involvement in May and June I have managed to keep things under control but the social services are still treating the situation as an emergency safety matter ( when it suits them!). In time the home we visited and liked will have a vacancy but it is the pressure they are putting me under to choose a place now that is causing the worry.

Their argument is that if I don't accept their help for a home now someone else can use the funding. Then if a place at our first choice comes up we would be back to square one in seeking funding.

 

[canary]

Its a difficult problem marion and I wouldnt know how to advise you.
I can only say what its been like for mum. She too was a wanderer (she cant walk so well now) and she went into a locked dementia unit precisely because she would go out walking at night inappropriately dressed and getting lost. She too was able to the wash and dress with prompting - although she did and still does put on multiple knickers and/or T-shirts and jumpers! When she moved in there just about everyone was further along the dementia journey than she was, but of course during the time that she has been there she has progressed and new people have arrived. The unit will look after her until she passes away, so there are people in all stages including final stages. Some people can no longer speak, one lady who who was quite chatty when mum moved in now just sits and rocks clutching her favourite soft toy if left to herself, several people who were mobile are now obviously developing contractures and others she has known have now died. Mum seems blissfully unaware of all of this. She will talk to those who are able to talk, occasionally go and hold someones hand and for the rest she just ignores it.

You must go with your gut feeling, but you may find that your husband is less worried about the other residents than you may think.

 

[Jinx]

I have to keep all the doors locked as my husband is so unsteady that there is a risk of him falling if he were to go out on his own. Besides which he has absolutely no idea where we are or what the address is. Having said that on the odd occasion that I have forgotten to lock the door and he has been able to get out I have been amazed how far he can travel in a few minutes. When he was in respite he could wander around as much as he wanted and find somewhere he felt comfortable being. I think it would probably be the same for your husband.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point