Residential home not looking after my dad

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kat loves milk tray, Jul 21, 2019.

  1. Kat loves milk tray

    Kat loves milk tray Registered User

    Jan 1, 2019
    24
    I have had to complain on three occasions to the manager of the care home as the staff are not helping/prompting my Dad with personal care tasks. The manager has put something in place to flag this up with the care staff. She also stated she would check my Dad when she is on duty Monday to Friday.
    Today I visited my Dad and he had the same clothing on as yesterday ( so had gone to bed in his clothing) and his trousers were heavily soiled with faeces.
    Surely you would expect staff to observe the residents, prompt with toileting needs. I feel so upset as it’s basic care which is lacking.
    I feel like I’m always complaining. Can someone offer any advice on how to deal with this.
    Thank you
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,181
    Female
    South coast
    Im sorry to hear that you are always complaining.
    Are you in a position to look for another care home?
     
  3. Kat loves milk tray

    Kat loves milk tray Registered User

    Jan 1, 2019
    24
    Most of the other care homes would not take my Dad as he presents with challenging behaviour. We would have to look out of our locality and I don’t feel prepared to do that.
    He has been in the CH since last year and is only just beginning to settle.
     
  4. Banjomansmate

    Banjomansmate Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    1,074
    Female
    Dorset
    It could be that your Dad is refusing personal care, staff can only do so much. The Banjoman’s Care staff have to go back to him several times before he will accept help of any kind. I have seen him in the same clothes several days running but they cannot force him to change only do their best to encourage him.
     
  5. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,452
    Female
    England
    I agree with Banjomansmate, Carers cannot force residents to do anything they can only encourage. Perhaps have a word with the management to satisfy yourself they do continue to encourage and don’t just take no as the first and final answer.

    In my husband’s nursing home they never gave up, it was almost like nagging and bribery came into it quite often. My husband could be swayed by the promise of cake and coffee after a shower.
     
  6. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,894
    Nottinghamshire
    I quite understand you being so upset. It’s not acceptable for your dad to be in that state but, as the others have said, there is only so much carers can do if your dad is refusing to co-operate.

    In my dad’s home the carers would keep going back until they eventually got the job done and they used to tell me if he’d been difficult. I’d expect to at least have a warning and an explanation if my dad had been in that state when I arrived.
     
  7. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,383
    Kent
    My dad was difficult with personal care but most of the staff eventually found a way around it most of the time but I kept politely vocally chipping in and sometimes helping a bit in the earlier months as he did not settle very well. Some staff will try harder and perservere more than others...I visited every other day and even before seeing dad could tell if certain staff were assigned to him who would have just tried once not revisited and written in his daily notes
    .refused pc. Most would use distraction, double handed care worked for this and revisiting ...they obviously had well tried and proven strategies with the occasional blip.

    However difficult it is not acceptable for your dad to be in soiled trousers and pants for an unreasonable length of time...compromised skin integrity, risk of infection, dignity. It is all very well the manager checking him Mon to Fri office hours! The manager needs to ensure the staff are still doing pc out of these hours when he/she isn't there. Bank staff are sometimes from my experience more reluctant to get stuck in as they don't know the resident so well and could be in another placement the following day. I would put my concern in writing and ask the manager to involve the mental health team.
     
  8. Kat loves milk tray

    Kat loves milk tray Registered User

    Jan 1, 2019
    24
    Thank you for your comments everyone. I was so upset yesterday and unfortunately it’s not an isolated incident. I would like to think the staff would try again a bit later if my Dad has refused personal care but unfortunately they do not seem to record in the notes so it is difficult to evidence if they do.
    I think I will request they prompt my Dad in toileting as he seems to be urinating and soiling in the garden.
    It is very difficult caring for someone when they become aggressive, but this is the reason why we placed him in a home because he was a danger to my mum.
     
  9. Baker17

    Baker17 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2016
    250
    I don’t really have an answer for you because I am in the same position and have resorted to showering and doing my husband’s personal care on a daily basis, the manager and staff seem to be very happy about this, I wonder why! All my complaints have fallen on deaf ears and now she says she wants him moved because they can’t cope with him, I suspect it’s because they are sick of me really. I hope you can get a resolution to this serious issue.
     
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,383
    Kent
    To be frank...much as they want to move your dad out...from your description your dad deserves a better home which is experienced in handling and trying to find a compromise resolution for dementia challenges and If me I would be looking to move him anyway. The OP, yours, mine and other experiences of strong resistance to personal care is not uncommon for some with dementia in their own home and care homes.
     
  11. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,383
    Kent
    I would insist as I did although to be fair dad's NH were fairly good at doing that...that each attempt unsuccessful or otherwise is recorded as part of his care plan.
     
  12. Baker17

    Baker17 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2016
    250
    Unfortunately it’s not as easy as that to move my husband as he was placed there against my wishes. He was in a very good home but due to his sons objections about travelling half an hour to see his father it ended up in court and the judge made the order about my husband should reside, there’s nothing I would love more than to get him out of this terrible place.
     
  13. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,383
    Kent
    I am sorry I didn't realise that...all you can do perhaps is keep chirping away and as I did after 4 months of doing/helping with dad's personal care...gradually make it clear that pc is part of their duty and responsibility and not yours. I wish for improvements in the situation for you and your OH
     
  14. Baker17

    Baker17 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2016
    250
    Thanks very much there’s no need to apologise
     
  15. rainbowcat

    rainbowcat Registered User

    Oct 14, 2015
    111
    Female
    I found with my dad's carers (he's still in his own home so they visit him) they pretty much had to be trained in how to get a person with demetia to agree to personal care. My father was going WEEKS without even having his clothes changed, not even a wipe over his face with a flannel. He lacks leg mobility, so was sat in his soaking wet, poopy underpants for 3 weeks. His top was filthy with drool and food etc. But when his carers came for his wash or shower session, they were ASKING him "do you fancy a wash today?" which ALWAYS 100% of the time resulted in a refusal. Dad's default mode is "no". And once they'd ASKED once, that was it. No flannel to wipe his face, no clean top, nothing. And then they were writing in his book "refused pc" and telling me they can't force him!

    So after a major rant to Dad's social worker, we finally persuaded his care team to TELL dad that it was shower day. No option or offer, just: "right, it's shower day!" and then IF dad refused after that, then fair enough. But he NEVER refuses and never has refused using this method. Literally 100% of washes and showers have happened when the carer TOLD him it's time for shower/wash. He's gone from having 1 wash every couple of weeks to having 3 showers and 4 washes a week!

    So maybe this is something to think about - ask the care home to remove the option of choice and have them TELL him it's time for a shower/change of clothes.

    (note - we can see my dad via a webcam, which is how we know how many showers etc happen :D )
     

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