I now find myself in the position where I am out of my depth with looking after Mum. My plan when Dad died a few months ago was that I would try and keep mum at home as long as I could with carers sleeping in a few nights. Unfortunately mum is now incontinent and she has started to lash out at one of the carers. We are currently trying different meds - trazodone and zopicolne but as of yet she is still only sleeping 4hrs. Majority of the time she is pleasant but she can quickly turn. How do I decide if Mum needs EMI or just residential? I have so far looked at over 20 care homes and am completely confused. I would be grateful of any advice please
Residential EMI or residential
- Thread starter Ceridwn
- Start date
Your mum has challenging behaviour and needs carers who have experience in dealing with this sort of thing.
Ordinary residential is really for frail elderly people who might have a bit of early dementia, but there is no way that they would be able to cope with your mum. You need EMI.
When you go and look at care homes look beyond the decor and see what the care is like. If there is an incident, how quickly is it defused? Are the resident ever left alone in the lounge and other communal areas? How often do they check on those in their rooms? Ask the manager what they would not be able to cope with. Ask them how they would deal with your mums aggression - woolly answers usually mean they dont have experience. People with more advanced dementia usually means that they can look after people right up to the end and will know how to deal with all aspects of dementia.
Ordinary residential is really for frail elderly people who might have a bit of early dementia, but there is no way that they would be able to cope with your mum. You need EMI.
When you go and look at care homes look beyond the decor and see what the care is like. If there is an incident, how quickly is it defused? Are the resident ever left alone in the lounge and other communal areas? How often do they check on those in their rooms? Ask the manager what they would not be able to cope with. Ask them how they would deal with your mums aggression - woolly answers usually mean they dont have experience. People with more advanced dementia usually means that they can look after people right up to the end and will know how to deal with all aspects of dementia.
Hi , I don’t have any experience so I am unable to advise , I’m sure you will get more replies from people with more knowledge and experience soon. Sorry to hear what you are going through though and please accept my condolences on the loss of your dad .
Hi I am new on here and am completely overwhelmed at how many people are still out in the community struggling to care for family with dementia. I know others have already suggested but I really think your mom needs to be in a home that specialise in Dementia. I work in a Nursing home and look after people in mid stages where many of them get expressive and lash out. When you go to visit places talk to the carers there you will very quickly work out if they can deal with this behaviour. It’s hard to find somewhere you will be happy with but it is out there x good luck with your search and love to your mom xx
Welcome notjustajob. It will be interesting to have your viewpoint on our worries about care homes. Like Ceridwen I am at the point of considering a home for my OH. What worries me is that when a home does an assessment he will be in host mode and most pleasant but I do not think it will be long before they meet his stubborn streak. Also I can use the force of my personality and years of acquaintance to get things done (showering, dressing, eating) or not done (wandering) which results in him being very well physically. I feel he will go downhill quickly in a home and it might even result in his being asked to leave.
I think four weeks respite or a trial period for both sides is a good idea and what I will ask for.
I think four weeks respite or a trial period for both sides is a good idea and what I will ask for.
If considering a care home, and I think most people here are looking at EMI for challenging behaviour, most homes do respite, so you could see how well your loved one might fit in.
We also paid for my Mum to go to the Residential wing (shes now in the dementia unit) of care home during the day, three days per week, to give my Dad a break and to transition my Mum to the idea of care home life. I think this worked as she knew all the staff by the time she was living there.
I would say be honest in your discussions with the CH (many can take the PWD aside for a cup of tea if it is easier for them not to be there) about challenging behvaviour, pre-existing conditions or character traits and how they might deal with particular needs. We were very lucky in our choice of CH but I also steered my parents away from the "we're all fine" type of conversations they were used to having with other professionals as this wasn't really helpful and we had gone well beyond the phase of coping fine with Mummy at home.
We also paid for my Mum to go to the Residential wing (shes now in the dementia unit) of care home during the day, three days per week, to give my Dad a break and to transition my Mum to the idea of care home life. I think this worked as she knew all the staff by the time she was living there.
I would say be honest in your discussions with the CH (many can take the PWD aside for a cup of tea if it is easier for them not to be there) about challenging behvaviour, pre-existing conditions or character traits and how they might deal with particular needs. We were very lucky in our choice of CH but I also steered my parents away from the "we're all fine" type of conversations they were used to having with other professionals as this wasn't really helpful and we had gone well beyond the phase of coping fine with Mummy at home.
