Is anybody in my situation (or has been) and can offer any thoughts please?
My widowed Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers two and a half years ago. Being an only child with no partner or offspring, I increasingly took it upon myself to look after and support Mum. As her illness has progressed, I have abandoned my life (some of you may know that scenario) and I moved back in with Mum permanently to provide care.
When I lived at home many years ago, the “right to buy” came into being. My parents were people of meagre means, so they relied on me to scrape the deposit together and I paid the mortgage throughout. Ownership was three-ways - Dad, Mum, me. When Dad died joint ownership became Mum and me.
In the years between I moved out and bought my own house some 100 miles distant because of my work at that time. As Mum got older I stayed with her more frequently and I now live permanently back in our “joint home“. I still have the house 100 miles distant, but I rarely get chance to be there and it is empty and in a sorry state of disrepair. Since I moved back in with Mum I managed to get a job nearer to where Mum lives (no easy thing when you’re over 50!).
Social services and our GP have both said I should consider getting Mum into permanent residential care. I’m reluctant because firstly, I think Mum is probably much better in her own familiar surroundings and secondly, I’m told I will have to sell our “joint home” to pay for Mum’s residential care.
It means I would have to move back to a house that is in poor condition, but much more importantly, I couldn’t visit Mum often, being so very far away. I would also have difficulty finding work once again... Rather a triple whammy! Has anybody experienced a similar situation please?
Finally, I’m a first-timer on here and thanks to one and all for sharing their experiences. I don’t feel so alone any more… Thank you.
My widowed Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers two and a half years ago. Being an only child with no partner or offspring, I increasingly took it upon myself to look after and support Mum. As her illness has progressed, I have abandoned my life (some of you may know that scenario) and I moved back in with Mum permanently to provide care.
When I lived at home many years ago, the “right to buy” came into being. My parents were people of meagre means, so they relied on me to scrape the deposit together and I paid the mortgage throughout. Ownership was three-ways - Dad, Mum, me. When Dad died joint ownership became Mum and me.
In the years between I moved out and bought my own house some 100 miles distant because of my work at that time. As Mum got older I stayed with her more frequently and I now live permanently back in our “joint home“. I still have the house 100 miles distant, but I rarely get chance to be there and it is empty and in a sorry state of disrepair. Since I moved back in with Mum I managed to get a job nearer to where Mum lives (no easy thing when you’re over 50!).
Social services and our GP have both said I should consider getting Mum into permanent residential care. I’m reluctant because firstly, I think Mum is probably much better in her own familiar surroundings and secondly, I’m told I will have to sell our “joint home” to pay for Mum’s residential care.
It means I would have to move back to a house that is in poor condition, but much more importantly, I couldn’t visit Mum often, being so very far away. I would also have difficulty finding work once again... Rather a triple whammy! Has anybody experienced a similar situation please?
Finally, I’m a first-timer on here and thanks to one and all for sharing their experiences. I don’t feel so alone any more… Thank you.
