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Researching care homes in advance...

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by patchworkamber, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. patchworkamber

    patchworkamber Registered User

    Jan 6, 2014
    south east wales
    For the first time I looked online this afternoon at local care homes and now feeel underhand and disloyal. My OH has vascular dementia and in middle stages but has poor mobility and if this declines further I don't know, even with stair lift, bed rail, zimmer frame, bed and chair risers et al, whether I could manage to the end. My sensible head says it would make sense to start looking now to avoid a frantic rush if the decision should suddenly need to be made. (He had another small stroke last week that has really knocked him back) I wondered what others thought? Many thanks.
  2. sah

    sah Registered User

    Apr 20, 2009
    I've been doing the same. Was advised by social worker that it was time to do a managed move -so I had some control over where OH goes -rather than wait until 'dip' and have to respond to a crisis. I have chosen home - had another visit yesterday - and am meeting with social worker next week to decide next step.

    But -sod's law isn't it? -OH has had a much better week this week. I KNOW what they say makes sense - but I feel so underhand and disloyal. I am close to burn out-have been caring for over 7 years now- my children and friends all say this is the right thing to do....but....not sure I can actually go through with it. Even though I know it's the best thing for him in the long run. He spends an awfully long time alone and just sits (I still have to work) so gets little companionship/stimulation in the day.

    Can't win can we? Good luck.
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    Researching is a wise thing to do. You may never need a care home but to know what is available in your area and the difference between the care homes and the level of care each home can provide will be invaluable to you.
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    I am in the same situation and not enjoying it one bit. The home I like has no vacancies and the ones which have vacancies and would take a wanderer are horrible. I am at the end of my tether and facing a winter of endless stress. The temptation to put him in any free space is great yet I just cannot do it.

    What a dilemma! Look around right now because this is not a good way to be.
  5. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Definitely agree that you need to look at what's available, I have although like you I don't know when or if I could do it but with vascular dementia, that my OH has too, changes can be so fast and so challenging that I think you have to be prepared. Horrible to have to contemplate it. Big hug xxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I did this 2 yeas ago. Instead of a Pub Crawl, I did a Care Home Crawl. I would never visit during 11.30 - 2.30, as I guessed this would be hectic with meals to prepare, serve, and perhaps feed. But I always went unannounced.

    The point is, even if you never ever need the facility - you're prepared, and you are not being reactive, but proactive. Some of those I saw were modern and clean, other older ones were like a worn but favourite dress.

    But you could get a sense of the heart of a place by visiting. It's a bit like house insurance, the AA or the RAC. You hope you never need it, but you're glad to have it. xxx
  7. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    I always think it's better to be prepared rather than have it forced upon you.

    I would imagine that its not an easy thing to do though.

    I think you're doing the right thing and I'm sure that if you don't investigate them and you're left with no choice then that could be a worse feeling.
  8. Prospector

    Prospector Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    Trowbridge, Wiltshire
    Do any care homes near you provide daytime places with activities? It would be a good way to phase in full-time care over a longer period. I am hoping to be able do this when the time comes.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  9. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    We did this for my mum, little knowing that she would have to go in emergency respite 3 weeks later. I'm glad we went to see what was available, it helped to prepare us.
  10. patchworkamber

    patchworkamber Registered User

    Jan 6, 2014
    south east wales
    Thanks all for your responses. I like the idea of a 'care home crawl' with I suspect a chilled bottle of plonk awaiting my return. I will start to draw up a short list and look at their inspection reports. I used to be a nurse in emi care homes but I don't know if this helps or hinders! Jinx maybe we could compare notes as we are not far from each other?
    I guess I could start with the home my dad was in...he had vascular dementia too! Hey ho...

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