Report to Police?

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Rubi, Nov 18, 2019.

  1. Rubi

    Rubi Registered User

    Apr 21, 2017
    47
    Once again I’m having problems with my uncle.

    He visited gran last week and has helped himself to her pre-paid mastercard. There was only £200 on it but now only £20. He’s left for now but when visiting my gran this morning the card is missing.

    I’ve cancelled the card but should I report it? I really don’t want the hassle of involving the police and he may have taken it accidentally but at the same time as POA I need to account for her money. No further money has been taken since he left.

    Any advice greatly appreciated!
     
  2. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    161
    Female
    if you don't want to press charges maybe report as an incident and ask for it on record in case anything else happens and you decide to press charges? This means you have covered yourself as POA and will have a crime number. talking to the police for advice is another option. They are there to help not just to press charges against someone.
    Its hard when its family. But doesnt mean they should be allowed to carry on and get away with it. Its a form of abuse! Ongoing, I personally think, if it happens again ...(or even if this is not the first time which I suspect is the case) you really need to report it.
    (after conversation with PwD and other family) I personally gave the brother, that was doing the same form of abuse to the person I now look after, a face to face. I told him the bank of brother was overdrawn and we didn't want to see his face again or we would take it further. He knew me so knew I would. We haven't seen him since. But I know this facing it out is not good for everyone to do. I knew the situation and the man. I knew how to deal with him. These people are cowards taking advantage of vulnerable people. But reporting is not always the way to go. But the threat that it may be reported in the future might be enough to deter ......
    GOOD LUCK
     
  3. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,901
    Female
    I'm not really sure what you could report, as while you 'know' what happened you don't have evidence that your brother stole the money unless there was a witness or other corroborating info. All you know is that x amount disappeared from the card. He could easily say your gran asked him to use the card, or gave him money. Or just deny it was him. My mother had a friend who would 'take her shopping' - and guess what, my mother always wanted to buy her something because she was such a good friend. (Fortunately that stopped as soon as she knew I was monitoring the account.)

    Is it feasible for you to email/text him and say there is money missing and also the card has gone missing so it has been cancelled - did he use the money on your grandmother's behalf? Even if he denies it or ignores you, you have a written record that you have tried to source the lost money, and he will be aware you are likely to pursue it in future. It's unlikely the police will be remotely interested in a small amount of money when there is no evidence where it went.

    I don't know what the exact circumstances are, or how often / how predictably he visits, but I would try not to have any money around on those occasions.
     
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,902
    Female
    Scotland
    The police will be willing to issue a “warning” especially as a person with dementia is involved. Ask to speak to the community officer.
     
  5. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    611
    Female
    Mum's attorney, before she moved a distance to live with us, retained her bank card and used it for who knows what. He would not surrender it, or send it to her after she moved and the bank, singularly unhelpful, would not cancel the card until his LPA had been revoked and new attorney's appointed.

    There was so much discord and upset at the time, we did not want to involve the police, even though he was using the card without mum's authority - or approval. We had the evidence as we could see the withdrawals from mum's account from the statement.

    However, with the evidence to hand, we blackened his name within the family, so everyone was aware what a rat he was, it was cold comfort for such a rotten apple (other, ruder words are available!).
     
  6. Rubi

    Rubi Registered User

    Apr 21, 2017
    47
    Thanks all. I’ve spoken to other family members and decided on this occasion to let it go but learn from this.

    He is visiting again at Christmas for a week so I’ll need to have a look at how to manage her finances whilst he’s there given he helps himself. £180 was spent in 2 days and not even a meal was left in her fridge. It’s pitiful.

    Thanks again for your responses, I really value the opinions of others in these circumstances, just with him not visiting often I don’t like to make a fuss :(
     
  7. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,442
    Kent
    Don't leave anything around while he is there to provide him with access to her money, cards etc. Take cash, cards etc to your house as poa for safekeeping. If your gran is still able to use these herself think of an excuse why you are doing it and leave her with a little bit of money making sure Uncle is told you are supervising things like that for her over the Christmas period so she doesn't have to worry and you know how much cash is there. Someone doesn't use another's card 'by accident'! Stock your gran's food cupboard and fridge for Christmas a few days at a time so that he cannot just eat all the supplies and leave her short that way you can monitor and replenish.
    That is what I would do in those circumstances.
     
  8. Rubi

    Rubi Registered User

    Apr 21, 2017
    47
     
  9. Rubi

    Rubi Registered User

    Apr 21, 2017
    47
    Sorry I’m not great at this replying to members!

    that’s exactly what I intend to do over Christmas.
    On another note he has just reported me to social services for failing to provide care. I’m absolutely disgusted with this turn of events. I have two young children plus my gran to look after and I do absolutely everything I can. Her home is clean, she’s taken to appointments, she has access to fresh food. They’re out tomorrow to discuss but this is him yet again trying to take my gran against her express wishes. Just added stress for me. I’m absolutely livid as you can probably imagine!!
     
  10. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    161
    Female
    this is why your concerns over money abuse should be logged ....to cover yourself. i hope they understand what i going on. i am sure they must come across this sort of thing and know how to handle it
    good luck
     
  11. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    611
    Female
    The same happened to us @Rubi, we were reported to Social Services, by the unmentionable family member. Unfortunately for him it backfired and the sw was determined to protect mum from him, so his plan backfired.
    Mum had full capacity and was able to explain to the sw why she wanted nothing to do with him. The sw backed mum and us all the way and I'm sure it will be the same for you. Safeguarding can work in your favour.
     
  12. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    389
    Female
    South East
    Yep I too have been reported to Adult safeguarding for financial and physical abuse of my pwd by invisible sibling , they were brilliant and so kind , think they seen it such a lot they know what they are looking for, please don't worry.
     
  13. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,901
    Female
    I agree it would be useful to keep a record of the disappearing money, by emailing/texting him to ask if he knew what happened to the money during the visit. Hopefully though now SS are involved it will give them a chance of seeing what good care you are taking of your gran.
     
  14. Rubi

    Rubi Registered User

    Apr 21, 2017
    47
    Thanks all, social worker came out today. She was fantastic and seen right through his allegations and will respond to him appropriately. I’ve kept all correspondence I’ve ever had with him so he’s shot himself in the foot. It’s so frustrating but I’m happy that on this occasion gran is safe and my integrity is intact. Thanks again, much appreciated
     
  15. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    Glad it all went well.

    Can you set up your grans prepaid debit card with on line access. I've seen prepaid online cards advertised for parents to use for students who can't budget. Thanks you can see what is spent where and let uncle know
     
  16. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    628
    Phew, glad it went well. Did the SW have any suggestions for ensuring that your gran's money is kept safe?
     
  17. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    389
    Female
    South East
    Glad it went well :)
     
  18. Rubi

    Rubi Registered User

    Apr 21, 2017
    47
    Hey folks, I’m using an Optimum Pre-paid mastercard which gives her the comfort of having a bank card. It has online banking so I know what has been spent and where and I usually keep a max of £100 to £200 on it.


    I didn’t really broach the subject of managing her monies whilst uncle was staying but I think I’ll go with a previous posters suggestion and ensure she has everything she needs in terms of fresh food and leave her a little bit of cash. I’ll buy presents for uncle etc so he can’t say he’s being treated less favourably, and I’ll keep bank card to myself.

    Very sad turn of events when a mother can’t trust her own son to access her money. My grandfather would be turning in his grave now if he knew how things had panned out but I’ll keep my gran right and make sure she is well looked after
     
  19. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,442
    Kent
    Good...common sense has prevailed
     

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