reply to the same question in a different way

spuddle

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
118
0
we are all used to being asked the same question over and over.
perhaps for my own sanity im trying to answer mums repetetive questions differently each time. for me it doesnt seem to be working but do you think there is any value in this.
for instance, she asks what day it is every few minutes and sometimes i tell her the day, sometimes i say well yesterday was wednesday and that was yesterday so today is.....
is there any point in this. i hope it will help her to think, but maybe im doing this just for me. any advice
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,034
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74
Durham
I find just saying the one word each time it is asked is the only way I can deal with it when my husband asks for the 30th time in half a hour what day is it, I have tried all other ways of helping him to think it out himself but even if he seems to know he still asks, I just say calmly "Thursday" each time or whichever day it is,
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
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UK
When mum asks me the same question I give her the same answer, sometimes I write it down, big print on A4 paper and she usually has this on her lap and looks and reads it out loud.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
The most important thing, IMO anyway, is to find a way of answering that you can just about cope with, without going mad.

I found the only way with my FIL was to make a sort of separate compartment in my head where I could go on answering calmly and nicely, but mechanically. I am not sure that answering in a different way will help the person to think, not if their short term memory is already so bad that they will forget whatever you say so quickly.

We tried writing answers to the endless same questions on nice big clear A4 sheets that he could keep with him. They made not the slightest difference, since as soon as he had turned his eyes away he would have forgotten what they said.

Record with FIL (or at least the only time I actually counted) was the same question 35 times in one hour. I am sure others can easily beat that, though.
 
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pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
I bought a day clock for my husband, it just tells you what day it is, he forgets tolook at it so still keeps asking me, l say go and look at your clock, he keeps hiding it up incase someone steals it, then he can not find it, easier to tell him what day it is over and over again.♥♥♥

Sent from my GT-P5210 using Talking Point mobile app
 

tre

Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
1,352
0
Herts
When my husband asks/asked the same question over and over I know it can be wearing but I really do not think there is any way if you change your response it is easier for the person with dementia to hold onto the information. That is why they keep asking because they cannot retain the answer. I alwats think of it as trying to fetch water in a leaky bucket and it is not something the sufferer can help, even though some days are better than others, and neither will it make any difference what you put in the bucket -it will still leak out.
I would say, if it helps you to deal with it by changing the response then that is OK but the likelihood is however you phrase it the information will not be retained.
Just be thankful for the good days and try to find a way that works for you both to get through the not so good days. I have become quite an expert at the calm response although sometimes I feel inner anger or inner sadness.
Tre
 

Varandas

Registered User
Sep 2, 2013
227
0
Hampshire England
answering the same repetitive question with the same (short) answer helped me a lot.
I could not think any more if trying to reply differently, because it was wearing me out trying to explain and to understand why they could not retain the reply. Just answer quietly and the same ton of voice every time, if you can.
It is tiring answering the same question over and over again, but now I can think that I am walking bare foot on white sand beach, listening to the sound of waves - and quietly reply to the question - 'where is my mother?' 'she's at home' - sadly the mother passed 40 years ago!.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
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The Sweet North
Tre --

"think of it as trying to fetch water in a leaky bucket and it is not something the sufferer can help,"

I think this is such a good way of describing memory loss, especially in relation to the repetitive questions, and not remembering the answers given.
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
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Bristol
On a recent course someone said that she had realised eventually that when her husband was asking what day it was he actually meant to ask when his doctors appointment was. After working that one out it seemed to help.

Although, my partner has a habit of asking who is in her bed when it is empty or she is the only one there, and even insists that someone else was there last night, even when I was. She is eventually reassured, but still cannot work that one out.
 

roman

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
16
0
Liverpool
Write it down

My father used to continually ask the same questions.In some cases it is possible to write the answers down on a note pad.When he was in hospital he would read the note pad and know why he was there and where he was.Some of the staff used to write on his note pad too.We would tell him who had visited him that day.
As for day week then there are simple devices with month and day on them if someone is available to change them each day.My Dad used to get a daily paper and used look on that for the day of the week.
 

Tiller Girl

Registered User
May 14, 2012
96
0
Well I've tried a clock and different responses but all to no avail. Nothing helps. Sometimes I don't answer at all because I think he's just saying it for the sake of it.

I try not to think about any of it on bad days!

I just wished he still had his sense of humour and then we could all laugh about it. But I'm afraid that's gone too!
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,034
0
74
Durham
Well I've tried a clock and different responses but all to no avail. Nothing helps. Sometimes I don't answer at all because I think he's just saying it for the sake of it.

I try not to think about any of it on bad days!

I just wished he still had his sense of humour and then we could all laugh about it. But I'm afraid that's gone too!

This sounds exactly like my husband I have tried everything but nothing works,
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Keep it brief, keep it simple...

There are two sorts of question, I find. The simple ones, like " what day is it?" or "when are we leaving?" I think are best answered as briefly as possible, and always the same answer. I guess they are a way of topping up a memory when you simply can't retain it.

Then there are the more complicated questions, like " why did they say I should stop driving?" Or " where did all those people go who were here?".

KEEP IT AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE has become my way of dealing with everything, because if you launch into a complicated explanation a person with Dementia just can't retain that much information when their short term memory is down to thirty seconds.
:
HARDEST OF ALL FOR ME IS " do you want the window closed?" which gets asked at least twenty times every single night after we've climbed into bed! The simple answer is "no" but he wants it to be "yes", and he asks until he's worn me down. ANY ADVICE.?:D
 

tweetypie

Registered User
Mar 16, 2012
37
0
At first I answered correctly but when this started getting on my nerves big time I decided to introduce an element of humour into it, so I'd answer something so off the wall I thought it was funny.

Sometimes my mum would get it and give me a look and say "Are you trying to be funny?" in her stern teacher sort of way - she was a teacher for many years, so I had to put up with this all my life! Other times she'd just accept my answer and I have to say I naughtily thought it funny!

I think just do whatever suits you best.

If the person you are with is desperate to know accurately I'd suggest making something they can change themselves and keeping it somewhere. Like an A4 size bit of material - that they choose and like and sticking velcro on it and then getting days of the week, possibly they could make or get them to think of ideas of how they'd like it to be - anything they like really and stick them on and then you can tell them to find this and change it each day and then keep going back to it when they ask or have it next to where they sit.
 

tweetypie

Registered User
Mar 16, 2012
37
0
There are two sorts of question, I find. The simple ones, like " what day is it?" or "when are we leaving?" I think are best answered as briefly as possible, and always the same answer. I guess they are a way of topping up a memory when you simply can't retain it.

Then there are the more complicated questions, like " why did they say I should stop driving?" Or " where did all those people go who were here?".

KEEP IT AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE has become my way of dealing with everything, because if you launch into a complicated explanation a person with Dementia just can't retain that much information when their short term memory is down to thirty seconds.
:
HARDEST OF ALL FOR ME IS " do you want the window closed?" which gets asked at least twenty times every single night after we've climbed into bed! The simple answer is "no" but he wants it to be "yes", and he asks until he's worn me down. ANY ADVICE.?:D

I'd suggest saying "I'll think about it and let you know" re the window - try it, might work!
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
My father used to continually ask the same questions.In some cases it is possible to write the answers down on a note pad.When he was in hospital he would read the note pad and know why he was there and where he was.Some of the staff used to write on his note pad too.We would tell him who had visited him that day.
As for day week then there are simple devices with month and day on them if someone is available to change them each day.My Dad used to get a daily paper and used look on that for the day of the week.

Writing things down may well be helpful in earlier stages, but alas it's not much use further down the line, when the person a) will never remember to look at whatever it is, and b) even if they do, will forget whatever it said within seconds.

I used to take my mother into Richmond Park, where I'd park somewhere with a nice view, and nip off to get her a cup of tea or an ice cream. I would be literally only two minutes, and I would always leave an A4 sheet right on her lap, saying GONE TO GET ICE CREAM - BACK IN 2 MINUTES - in huge letters. But she was invariably in a tizz when I got back - 'Oh, I've been so worried - I didn't know where you were...'
Mind you her Alzh. was pretty bad by then.
 

Psuedenym

Registered User
Nov 23, 2014
1
0
Bolton
I am a bit naughty

This really does drive me mad, so when I find myself starting to boil over instead I add a little lie, than I can laugh. If it is 'What Day is it?' I would find a connected response such a month or year. You have to find your own humour, depends on the person you care for also. My Mum is early onset FT Dementia. Insistent questioning is becoming more of a problem now (15yrs in!!!!). Investigate every way of dealing and find one that works for you, choosing not to get annoyed is one thing is you can manage it all well and good x
 

TitianTop

Registered User
May 10, 2014
4
0
Prolonging patience

The most important thing, IMO anyway, is to find a way of answering that you can just about cope with, without going mad.

I found the only way with my FIL was to make a sort of separate compartment in my head where I could go on answering calmly and nicely, but mechanically. I am not sure that answering in a different way will help the person to think, not if their short term memory is already so bad that they will forget whatever you say so quickly.

We tried writing answers to the endless same questions on nice big clear A4 sheets that he could keep with him. They made not the slightest difference, since as soon as he had turned his eyes away he would have forgotten what they said.

Record with FIL (or at least the only time I actually counted) was the same question 35 times in one hour. I am sure others can easily beat that, though.

I think this makes a lot of sense - I am trying to find a way to provide the answers that my husband clearly needs repeating but still maintain calmness in myself. I say the answers as briefly as I can so that this reduces my mental effort and prolongs my ability to keep patient. I think sometimes it is more irritating when you have written the answer down and, despite this, the questions continue. If only someone could come up with an tablet to give everlasting patience!! Perhaps there is more hope of this coming soon than any useful drug to prevent this terrible disease. Soldier on.