Replacement Care for mid stage dementia

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by maryjoan, Jun 11, 2019.

  1. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,253
    Female
    South of the Border
    Does anyone know of care homes that deal with early/mid stage dementia?

    I am looking for a couple of nights per month - but there is no where in my area that is appropriate.
    The places I have looked at, or spoken to on the phone, are all for later stage ie PWD who are no longer very mobile, or have much interaction with others.

    Is this a gap in the market, or just that we have not found the right place yet?

    My OH needs supervision with meds, meals etc and has nursing needs - but he is not ready yet to be in a late stage care home.......
     
  2. la lucia

    la lucia Registered User

    Jul 3, 2011
    591
    Any decent care home should be fine. My mum, before she got too advanced used to stay in non-specialist homes. And she needed pureed food.

    However, I'd be amazed if you can find a bed for 'a couple of nights a month'. Most care homes don't keep rooms specifically for respite they just rent out what's available as and when. And usually want weeks not nights. That's why booking time off much in advance is mostly impossible.
     
  3. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,253
    Female
    South of the Border
    Yes, I see what you mean - it doesn't seem right somehow, but it is what it is.......
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,896
    Kent
    You could try regular care homes @maryjoan.

    A home my mother was in in the NW had 3 floors. One for general care, one for physical ill health and one for dementia. There must be others which are similar.
     
  5. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    282
    This was something I found very hard to find - [epic long story] - and one of the reasons that I eventually opted for permanent residential care after years of trying. But only one of the reasons. From what I now know I would start with looking at specialist dementia homes and try them first. It makes the haystack a bit smaller.
     
  6. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    294
    Female
    High Peak
    Would it be possible to book a live in carer for a couple of days/nights while you were away? Would that work for you? Might be a more flexible option.

    But it would mean you going away rather than being home alone...
     
  7. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,253
    Female
    South of the Border
    After looking at the nursing home that was the only one Social Services would fund, last week, and which was as wrong for OH as it could be - I have booked myself a wee holiday in Scotland in August - just 4 days. I then emailed my OH's children, and said there was a bed for one of them here to come and stay with their Father while I had a break - I was so fed up of treading on eggshells with them. The daughter responded and she is coming down. So I have also booked another break in Feb and will do the same again and the son can come down......... I need my life as well.
     
  8. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,184
    East of England
    Well done @maryjoan you certainly need that break, and it does revive you as I found last month. I have found care homes but they will only offer a stay of two weeks minimum, and only if they have a spare room. So I can’t book ahead for September with the one he has just been in and my daughter has agreed to be backup in case I can’t get a room. I have registered with a live in care agency but they have a requirement for two hours break every day. For a person with dementia I don’t know how you organise that! When you start trying to organise a respite break then you realise it’s not as easy as all that, and the issue of staffing is a big one too with everyone chasing the same people. That’s why carers have such a difficult time and are left holding the can.
     
  9. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    294
    Female
    High Peak
    That's brilliant - and cheaper! :)
     
  10. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    Well done Mary, you seem to have found the best answer.
    It seems most care homes want two weeks, one explained that the amount of setting up means it is not viable to do less.
    The Council have commissioned beds, these I have been told do a week, but they are full and have closed waiting lists. Many also seem to make the proviso that if a permanent resident applies the respite one may be cancelled. The family may grasp that a bit of care now could save a lot later. That is why it is worth flagging up the issue sooner than before you break down! Xxx
     
  11. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,253
    Female
    South of the Border
    I was thinking about this when I woke this morning - apart from the fact that there is no provision for respite.....
    My OH has vascular dementia - he is hard work, and could stay at this level for some time - as this is the nature of this dementia, as opposed to Alzheimer's.

    He is not far enough along the journey to need the sort of nursing home we looked last week. But I still need a break from caring.

    I think there must be lots of people in our situation.

    How difficult would it be for say a small hotel perhaps to convert to early stage dementia respite? It could be like a home from home - the hotel owners employing carers to supervise where necessary re meds, showering etc, but otherwise like a hotel. My OH is insulted at the thought of going somewhere for all these as he calls it " Silly activities" that he doesn't want.......... and the hospital type beds horrify him.....hoists etc that he does not need...... the whole scenario scares him.....
     
  12. Rencat

    Rencat New member

    Nov 15, 2018
    6
    My partner is only 56 has early onset dementia, she’s not ready to go into a home yet butch I don’t know how long I can look after my for as I’m physically disabled, just in the process of getting her her own support worker as at the moment mine is doing two jobs looking after both of us. The councils seem to be in no hurry to sorting this out and seem to be happy just watching me muddle through. It’s getting me quite down
     
  13. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    My daughter said exactly the same thing, a small gentle hotel with trained staff who could assist or amuse. I have been looking for a few years. To no avail, some are for younger disabled and geared towards different needs.
    My husband has vascular too. The denial is interesting, I tend to go along with it because it keeps him enabled but it is a fine line. He does realise how he could not live alone.
    For a once brilliant mathematician it was painful seeing him struggle with his personal money account having bought some clothes.
    I went in to very low gear and sat quietly while he sorted it out. He got there but blamed his handwriting. Just a sum of taking away two charges. I do everything else but a money gives a dignity.

    I am going into an if you can't beat it join it mode. I have found a small care home that attracts people with a shared outlook. It has a wide range of residents, some I think have chosen not to live on there own but in a community. I was offered a small self catering studio. That is no longer available but a quiet room is. The cost, as it has to be two weeks, is a lot but we have or rather I have not had any break for several years. I am hoping that once there I can be fairly independent. There are activities but also discussions that would interest me.
    I am not building my hopes but just to be able to switch the monitoring off and leave others to cope, to cook meals and do the laundry! The people are very friendly and have welcomed the idea.
    I shall have to dip into savings. My husband is calling it our holiday, I hope some activities will amuse and I can go for a walk on my own. Others would spend that on a holiday.
    I will find it interesting to observe!
    As you said, these plateaus could change at any time, we never know. So cease the day.

    I have not read your article yet, I have been busy organising and sorting clothes etc.
    There is a lot of paperwork too for both as they have to be covered. Hope things go smoothly for you. We all need a break of some kind. X
     
  14. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136

    I am sorry to hear that, I empathise as although older my health is a problem too. As a Carer I get exhausted. I think the Councils all try to keep one at home come what may. Emphasise your own needs, threaten you may not cope if more help is not there.
     

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