Repetitive behaviour

[Elmogm]

Hi, my dad has recently been diagnosed with alzheimer's, generally ok but spending a lot of time repeating the same thing. He has a particular thing about my mums car tax and he had no reminder. He can spend hhe whole day just looking through paperwork, we tell him its fine but he can sometimes do this 3 or 4 times a week. If its not car tax its car insurance or house insurance. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with the repetition, he won't accept us telling him its fine and I print the info for him but it seems to get lost. Just wondering if anyone has found some useful methods of getting someone to accept what you are saying.
Thank you.

 

[canary]

Hi @Elmogm and welcome to DTP

I dont think that your dad wont accept what you say - its that he doesnt remember you previously saying it. The stuff you print out is probably put away "somewhere safe" and then he forgets all about it. There is always the feeling that if you keep on telling someone something then eventually it will "stick", but with dementia it doesnt. Each time you tell him will be like the very first time he has heard it and he will be thinking "so what do they know about it?". As soon as you realise he is worrying again, print it out again and give it to him. Dont waste your time searching for the previous ones, or trying to convince him. Eventually this obsession will pass.

You might find this thread helpful

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[lushr]

when travelling with mum i found that getting dressed she would get stuck in loops constantly trying to find something and moving it and then looking for it instead of putting clothes on.... same for conversation. we talked about it and agreed i would tell her if she was stuck in a loop, so she could let it go. “you’re in a loop mum” “you’re stuck in a loop mum” this worked most of the time. it allowed her to let go, and do the next thing, usually with help.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome from me too @Elmogm

When my dad got to this stage I took over and made sure all his insurance etc was in place then told him not to worry I’d sorted it out. It worked for my dad because he trusted me. If I told him he’d done it he didn’t believe me cos he didn’t remember.

Have you got an LPA in place so you can take over when you need to?

 

[Elmogm]

when travelling with mum i found that getting dressed she would get stuck in loops constantly trying to find something and moving it and then looking for it instead of putting clothes on.... same for conversation. we talked about it and agreed i would tell her if she was stuck in a loop, so she could let it go. “you’re in a loop mum” “you’re stuck in a loop mum” this worked most of the time. it allowed her to let go, and do the next thing, usually with help.

Thank you, definitely something I'll try

 

[Elmogm]

Welcome from me too @Elmogm

When my dad got to this stage I took over and made sure all his insurance etc was in place then told him not to worry I’d sorted it out. It worked for my dad because he trusted me. If I told him he’d done it he didn’t believe me cos he didn’t remember.

Have you got an LPA in place so you can take over when you need to?

He won't accept our word that its ok, needs a piece of paper in front of him, which we show him but then next day its back to the same. Problem is he lives with my mum who struggles with it and she can't help him. Will be worse now as she will potentially be bed ridden for next few months.
No LPA in place yet, we still waiting for them to actually give him the diagnosis, not sure how he's going to take it but yes hopefully he will accept someone taking over. To complicate things further he has an existing LPA over his sister which we also need to sort out.

 

[Banjomansmate]

You don’t need any form of diagnosis to put an LPA in place, I’ve had one for years and there’s nothing wrong with me.
No, really, I’m fine!

 

[Shedrech]

I agree, best to get LPAs in place for both parents asap

Make, register or end a lasting power of attorney

How to make a lasting power of attorney (LPA): starting an application online, choosing an attorney, certifying a copy, changing an LPA.

www.gov.uk

 

[lushr]

i think anything that is calm and helpful and doesn’t “take over” is good and stops escalation, hence me calmly saying “you’re stuck in a loop mum, yeah, you’re looping. you need help?” would be more helpful than me being frustrated and bossy...