It's the smiles that kept me going. And only now Dad has gone I truly realise how beautiful his smile actually was. Looking back at photos when I was a little girl Dad's smile was just the same. Just perfect. Cherish those smiles Gwendy. They really are the best. I think it also shows that although times are so so tough for them, they are still able to smile. I have read that some lose their smiles as the muscles are unable to work. Dad still smiled on the morning of the day he died, and it was still a perfect smile then. Stay strong, you're coping so so well xxx
Reminded dad mum had died, did I do the right thing?
- Thread starter Gwendy1
- Start date
Thank you, it was special❤️️I thought dad couldn't smile anymore! Poor dad is barely reacting to anything, but he smiled again tonight. Almost like a new phase of this illness, so odd. He's so frail, it is obvious that everything he eats or drinks he is aspirating. I don't need the salt team to tell me that anymore, I have ears. I can feel the horrible gurgling in his chest with my hand. He's comfortable tho, and I'll make as sure as I can that he remains so. One tough cookie, my dad!❤️️❤️️X
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I can almost see but can certainly feel the joy in your words about dad smiling again. with you there to love and protect him he is smiling all the while, whether you can see it on the outside or not. he is proud to have such a daughter.
love to you Gwen.
Wayne x
love to you Gwen.
Wayne x
Oh Gwendy it's so horrible this stage, everything sounds just like my dad a couple of months back. The noises he made gurgling, I can see myself now putting my hands on my head not sure what to do, but there was nothing to do, just watch. I am so sorry you are going through this it's just awful. You wish them peace and the best alternative is only that and then you feel guilty for wanting them to die, as that is not what you truly want. My head was a complete mess so I can imagine yours is too. Stay strong, you are doing so so well. You are a loving daughter and you are there for him. Your Mum would be so proud of you looking out for him , she really would.Xxxxx
Thank you,guys.❤️️I'm tracking dad's life here, for myself really. Hoping that I'll recall the good times when I need to...It helps me to write it down. Also, I've found other people struggle to understand the distress that this stage causes. Dad's not in hospital (my decision) so.. It's difficult to express that he's nearing the end of his life Working is getting harder, I feel like I'm not 100% there,not sleeping well etc. I'm fortunate to see dad every day, it's tiring, but I'm lucky he's so close to me.( thank you, Wayne, for your straight talking a while back, excellent advice, I needed!❤️️) I just want peace for dad now. And I want to be with him whenever I can. Hope you're okay Red..thank u Aisling, enjoying the smiles! X
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I noticed the same in my gran who did not have dementia but had a heart attack. My aunt would look after her 24/7 and say she was really ill but when we visited she perked up and seemed better. It was the same with doctors. I think older / ill people have something in reserve so they can act better than they are when they have company. Even with my mum who has dementia, I can see there are small periods in the day (usually the morning if she bothers to come downstairs) where she will seem alert, but it takes it's toll on her and she is asleep in the afternoon.
Two weeks later,same question from dad... I asked him if he was worried about something- 'I'm worried about your mum, I haven't seen her.' So.. I did it again, reminded dad. Trying not to cry, (nearly made it, I think), I reminded dad that mum was at peace, with him always etc. Dad looked at me,really looked at me. He called me by name, he never does that, well not for months. It's so hard. If I say mum is fine, he must think.., well why is she not here.? .. It's only important 'in the moment' for dad, I know... I'm hoping I bring him some peace, but I will never know. First time dad has even spoken this week, b4 today he's just sat with his eyes shut.
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Hi Red, dad just the same, really. Lots of choking, coughing etc. But talking now and then. I'm off work this week, going to try and get SALT referral speeded up, and get a meeting with GP. Dad's suffering daily, and I need to know what's happening thank u for asking, hope you and your family are ok, I know you're going thru a lot, grief is a long road. ❤️️X
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So.. Thinking the choking out of hand now, for dad. A new development, drooling- lots of it, even when he's sleeping. Sorry to be graphic, but it was a milkshake he'd been given an hour before I arrived. I've asked for 'urgent' referral to SALT team.. No news yet. Will phone them myself tomorrow. So clear dad is suffering now. I feel helpless. X
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Yes, I have witnessed this. I was told it was all the mucus from the lungs. Because any food/drink that they manage to take goes to the lungs, as does the saliva. Its something to do with the white blood cells seeing the foreign bodies and try and protect the body but by doing so they create mucus and sometimes froth, that was how it was explained to me by the on call doctor at the time. It was custard colour, sometimes more pale. If he lay on his side especially it would trickle/pour out. Was horrible. Sorry to hear this xx
Thank you, Hezzy, I'm in a bit of a confused place, and thank u for your support.❤️️. Red, i feel bad I'm bringing your memory back to all you've suffered. But thank you.. I need to know.. You understand this, I know. Today was another horror show of choking. SALT on their way tomorro, hopefully.. What then?? ?? Who knows. Bizarrely, dad continues to speak to us, between the choking( on nothing) and sleeping( which is a blessing) I fear that there will be difficult discussions ahead regarding palliative care... Or the lack of it. I'm in 'fighting' mode now- for dad. This is torture for him. It's just not right. Thank God he's protected by forgetting the horror every time he eats/ drinks... Heartbreaking.X
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Gwendy don't worry about bringing back the memory of my Dad, I am just glad I can share my experience as it's frightening when you don't know what's going on or know if it's happened to others so it's 'normal'. I am so sorry for your situation. It's so so tough at this point. Saliva, who would have thought it could just drip into your lungs and then we have to watch not being able to help. It's just crazy. Thinking of you guys xx
God knows, Red. Dad has urgent SALT assessment tomorrow... I have very little control over anything now. I can only aim for dad to have a peaceful end to his life- be it days or months... I say 'hope', but I'll fight for it. I'll see how tomorro goes, one step at a time. Love to your family, thank u, again, for your experience and your concern❤️️X
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