I can't understand how my wife can remember her primary school. Her secondary school. Singing in leedsbgirls choir singing in weather riding opera.bthe houses opposite her house in Leeds. Working in her dad's pub. Yet she can't remember our wedding in 1969
Remembering some things
- Thread starter ludford
- Start date
Hi @ludford , I could see my mum's more recent memories disappearing as her dementia progressed and I guess your wife is the same. I assume it's something to do with where memories are stored in the brain, and I'm not sure there is anything you can do to retrieve those lost memories. Mum started by getting very hazy about things that happened in the last twenty years. This was in 2018/2019, so she remembered that my dad had died in 1999, and that I had got married that year, but my brother's wedding in 2003 was a flickering memory. Then she couldn't remember I was married and that my dad was dead, not off with a new woman. Now mum is firmly stuck in the 1930s and want to go and see her mum and dad who she is worried about. Anything since then has disappeared.
I think you have to try and enter into your wife's world and ask about what happened when she was small. The last meaningful conversation I had with my mum was about what a good cook her mum was. Something I knew first hand as well as her. Are there any similar memories you can share?
I think you have to try and enter into your wife's world and ask about what happened when she was small. The last meaningful conversation I had with my mum was about what a good cook her mum was. Something I knew first hand as well as her. Are there any similar memories you can share?
I found that one of the hardest things to understand. How could my dad talk for hours about the war, his life in the merchant navy and when he was a boy. He could tell me the names of everyone in his street, what they did and he could go into great detail about everything and the stories were often very entertaining, yet he couldn't remember two minutes ago or who's car was parked out front, it was his of course. He couldn't remember that I was living with him, if I left the room and came back he would be surprised to see me.
Someone once told me to think of a cabbage with all the old memories deep inside and the new memories in the outer leaves. As the outer leaves fall of so do the new memories but the old memories are still safely tucked away deep inside and will remain for longer.
My husband doesn't remember our wedding 11 years ago. He doesn't believe we are married and thinks we are just friends. However, from somewhere, he remembered my new dogs name at today's visit. He has not seen the dog in 2 weeks. Am I clutching at straws that this is a new memory he has made?
Maybe it is, @Janxm. Sometimes they can surprise you. But if you get stuck in a particular era of memories, it will prove almost impossible to move on from there, until dementia decides it’s no longer interested in those things. My aunt’s memories of her wartime evacuation were so vivid, I used to probe sometimes in the hope that if this was so real to her, she’d be able, with prompting, to remember other things from that period of time. Unfortunately not. The memories ran like a tape loop in her head and could not be deviated from. The words used were the same every time, even the small girl voice she used. It was disturbing initially but over time (years) I got used to it.
