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New member
Feb 29, 2020
Northwich Cheshire
How do you cope when someone comes to mend your boiler and then for hours after they leave your partner accuses you of having a new man and that you want to get rid of them so you can be with someone else.


Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
Victoria, Australia
Welcome to Talking Point and I hope you find lots of support from everyone here.

I am sorry that you are having this sort of experience but unfortunately with dementia patients your story is a very common one.

Many carers are accused of all sorts of things from having affairs to stealing money, keys, personal belongings, hiding anything and everything, lying, conspiring with family members and on it goes.

Paranoia seems to be part and parcel of many of these diseases and there is no one answer for your problem. I think that when it occurs, it is best not to let on that it is upsetting you. Keep calm, try and change the subject and overtime, you will hopefully develop a thick skin.

I hope that others will be along soon, perhaps with some better ideas.


Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
Welcome to DTP @Haziebear.
It‘s incredibly hard when that happens, just try to distract & ignore if possible. Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Hi @Haziebear and welcome to the forum.

That happened to me many years ago at the start of my husband’s dementia. I used to find stuff he written which said I was having affairs with various workmen. I know how upsetting it must be for you. I didn’t find any answer to it I’m afraid. Eventually that phase passed. I’m sorry that’s not much help to you but I just wanted to say that I understand.


Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
It is difficult when necessary interactions with other people lead to unwarranted and repeated accusations of infidelity. As ever with dementia trying to reason will be fruitless. An idea embedded in a person with dementia's mind can stick for a long time. Distraction can help as can being clear to the point of repetitiveness why a certain person is visiting. Trail it in advance "the boiler man is coming". Mention why the person has come all throughout the visit. Say a clear goodbye with a timescale "see you in 12 months" for example. When they have gone don't mention it again but if asked don't engage in speculations about motive just be clear who the person was and why they were there. Best of luck.