1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Relationship meltdown - anyone else been there?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Worried123, Jun 20, 2016.

  1. Worried123

    Worried123 Registered User

    Aug 5, 2013
    10
    I havent been on this forum for a while - I registered over 3 years ago, worried about my mum. My worst fears were confirmed - sadly my mother has Alzheimers - now much more advanced.

    I just wonder if other people have had similar experience - my mum and I, before she started to change had a great mother / daughter relationship - not perfect but certainly loving. Sadly her condition seems to have slowly all but destroyed our relationship - my mother has become paranoid, aggressive and withdrawn. When she is angry, I'm not sure I recognise her at all.

    I'm heartbroken. I just wonder how other people have managed in this situation? I want to be there for her but seem to make her more defensive - she vents her anger at both me and my Dad - but mainly me. I try to remind myself that she cant help it but its so hard not to have a small part of you hurting :( Then I feel ashamed - its clearly so much worse for her. She knows 'something is wrong' but forgets and kicks back against any gentle explanation :( She genuinely thinks we are all out to get her and has accused me of all sorts.
     
  2. JenTay

    JenTay Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    9
    My hubby is the same with me, we've been married 42 years and when he goes into hospital he's as nice as pie with all the nurses and doctors, yet blames me for everything. Same at home when things don't go his way, it's always my fault and I don't believe him (he says) when he sees things that are not there. He told the Social Worker that I don't care and wouldn't do anything for him, yet I'm still here looking after him and have done since we got married. I've never had anyone look after me and now I feel resentful that I've dedicated my life to him and now I get the blame for everything.
     
  3. Worried123

    Worried123 Registered User

    Aug 5, 2013
    10
    Hi - I really do think its the illness - its horrendous. I know in my mum's case they have prescribed her with anti paranoia tablets. It must be so incredibly frustrating and I understand the anger - I just dont know whether I personally handle it correctly. Its a really hard balance of emotionally reacting v naturally as if the person is well but in your mind, you know its probably the illness talking. Keep strong xxx
     
  4. Rheme

    Rheme Registered User

    Nov 23, 2013
    159
    England
    Make an appointment with her gp to discuss the situation you are all going through. He/she should be able to provide medications to calm you mum down and improve the quality of life for you all. Take care. x
     
  5. Worried123

    Worried123 Registered User

    Aug 5, 2013
    10
    Thank you. We have the crisis team coming out tonight after a bad episode yesterday
    :( Will see what they say. The emotions around this are a killer. Appreciate you making contact x
     
  6. byrnedjp

    byrnedjp Registered User

    Mar 21, 2013
    168
    London
    I spend 6 days a week in almost total silence - my Uncle makes no effort to talk at all despite constant urging on my part - I arranged a Goodgym volunteer to come weekly but even she struggles some weeks - basically he makes no attempt after he knows somebody
     

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