Registering EPA and Notification

Nebiroth

Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
3,511
Sadly the time may well have come to activate my Dad's EPA that he granted to me - twelve years ago! You can't say we didn't plan ahead.

One thing trouble me, in that I have to notify him of my intent to register the EPA. The state he's in, the last thing he needs now is his son telling him I regard him as mentally incapable of managing his own affairs...

I see that it is possible to tell the Court of Protection that you wish to not notify the donor, if that is likely to cause distress (it would!), but that you have to have evidence from the doctor for that (I'm sure our GP would do this). Has anyone had any experience of this?
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
"Only what I did myself"

When it came that I had to register Lionel's EPA I copied the letter that I had sent to his son & daughter, and just showed it to him. It was one of those days when nothing registered, so I just filed it away with the rest of his papers.

I received so much hassle from his immediate family (I could write a small book here) that, from his point of view, all I did was to show intent, as the Court of Protection instruct. Hope this helps,
 

Kriss

Registered User
May 20, 2004
513
Shropshire
Such was Aunts state of mind when we finally came to register the EPA that the letter to her remained unopened in her room for a week. If I recall correctly I opened it for her on one of my visits but she wasn't the slightest bit interested in looking at it.
 

Helena

Registered User
May 24, 2006
715
The guardianship website clearly states

"you do not have to notify the donor/patient if it will cause distress "

In actuality IMHE they tend to have so little understanding of what letters/forms say it probably would not matter if you did give him formal notification
 

angela3

Registered User
Nov 17, 2006
3
middlesex
epa

Nebiroth said:
Sadly the time may well have come to activate my Dad's EPA that he granted to me - twelve years ago! You can't say we didn't plan ahead.

One thing trouble me, in that I have to notify him of my intent to register the EPA. The state he's in, the last thing he needs now is his son telling him I regard him as mentally incapable of managing his own affairs...

I see that it is possible to tell the Court of Protection that you wish to not notify the donor, if that is likely to cause distress (it would!), but that you have to have evidence from the doctor for that (I'm sure our GP would do this). Has anyone had any experience of this?
Not yet - but I fear it won't be long - I apparently am in a coven, as in Macbeth, 2 of my sisters are the other witches, the other one, we have made an honoury, secret member because she wants to be! I did a 200 mile round trip on Wednesday, just to make sure the Dr got into the house to assess her - she wouldn't go to the hospital appt because Morse was on! And she told us that the hospital was closed due to MRSA! I feel for you - we only want the best for our Mum, and she denies all help believing she is ok - what a fool she is.
I'm going to do MY epa this year! It's changed - the one for this year allows your next of kin, or appointees to give the decision to turn off any medical eqpt in the event of an accident - I'm actually scared of getting like my Mum in later years especially if her condition is hereditary and I'm only 55 - I don't wwant to give my children the grief she's giving us. Take care
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Given mum's swings between lucidity and total lack of understanding (never mind mood swings) ..... I looked at the possibility of GP 'evidence' ... then decided that even greater distress could be caused later if/when she realised I had not only applied for registration ... but talked to her GP 'behind her back' ......

It was a case of picking the timing ..... on a 'good day' I would have been thanked for being so wonderful and organising everything for her ... on a 'bad' day I wouldn't have muttered a thing without bodyguards present! My solicitor did suggest I could 'just stick it (the notification!) in a drawer' - how would mum remember anyway? But for my own conscience I felt better for trying to explain it to her face to face - and very grateful she didn't seem to understand a word I said!

In hindsight I was very keyed up about 'this is a declaration that mum is mentally incapable' when in fact she is still very capable of many things on a 'good day' ... just not managing her money or understanding what she might be signing..... hence the need to register ....

Amongst all the other 'hats' we have to wear as carers, I think this is where the 'saleman's pitch' has to come in ..... including for ourselves..... I wasn't far off Connie's 'method' with a dash of: .... 'Look, mum here's another piece of paper to sort out ... but don't worry - I'll do everything that needs to be done ... AND file it away for you ... ;) you don't have to worry about anything :) ..... aren't I wonderful?':rolleyes:

Good luck - whichever way you decide to approach it!

Love, Karen, x
 

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
619
Ronda Spain
I received so much hassle from his immediate family (I could write a small book here) that, from his point of view, all I did was to show intent, as the Court of Protection instruct. Hope this helps,
__________________
Connie hi,

can we become co-authors? in the book?

The hassle (and most from my own family) has been almost funny they went so berserk when I registered the POA and informed them officially!!-- even visited en masse!

My daughter blew it a bit when asked to help me with Monique instead of watching Big Brother, threw a tantrum and exited at 23.00 with balding boy friend in tow, in search of a good hotel and returned to Angleterre the next morning.

Very sadly we live in the centre of the old town, surrounded with hotels half empty in the winter.. Very happily none have UK TV or Big Brother!!!

It is interesting how the £ concentrates the minds of the onlookers!

As a result of this visit I sent them all by recorded delivery the following letter:-
To:
Veronique xxxx
Laurent xxxx
Jacques xxxx

The Monique situation

As you all three know Monique’s health has deteriorated greatly during the last 12 months and she now needs somebody with her constantly - 24/7/.

If I do not get some time off during this year my health will suffer. Pursuant to that, I made a request to the Alzheimer’s home, to take Monique for one week this spring. They have no vacancies this year nor are likely to. The alternative is to place Monique in a ‘old age care home’, which does not specialise in Alzheimer’s, for my respite periods. This will certainly cause Monique considerable distress and unhappiness and is not something I am comfortable with.

The need for respite, to maintain my own health and sanity, prompts me to ask all three of you to give one week of your life each, during this year, to come to La Rochelle and be in the house with Monique whilst I take respite.

Carers come in 7 days a week to get her up and shower her etc. One comes in twice a week for the entire afternoon and one comes in twice a week to do housework and be with Monique.

In addition to the carers outlined above, it would be no problem to arrange for a carer to come in during the evening and put Monique to bed, if dressing and undressing her is a problem for you.

I would be grateful if each one of you would consider the situation and let me know if you are able to give one week each, in order to provide respite for me and avoid placing Monique in an unsatisfactory ‘home’ for these periods.

Please let me know Yes or No if you can do this and indicate the approximate dates you would like to come here.

I look forward to your response
To be fair my son has telephoned to ask why 'recorded delivery' - answer - to be certain that unlike emails, which are ignored, every body know the problem and can never say 'I didn't know'.

He was pleasant and is talking with his girl friend... Maybe..

I have a feeling that the only way to deal with 'family' is to be tough/rough - tell them what the situation is = then cut them out of your will!!

crocodile smile

Michael
 

ROSEANN

Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
909
71
staffordshire
Dear Michael
How I feel for you.
Family can be the worst when it comes to helping, but I would have thought your daughter would have wanted to help her mother and to give one week of her life after a life time of love from her mother is not too much to ask.

I am lucky in that my daughter and son both care enough for their father and me to support us both.
I agree that you should spend your money how you want and leave them nothing in your will.
Hope you get some response from your letter.
Sending you love and lots of hugs [I know they don`t help in a practical way] but just to let you know we are thinking of you.
All the best ROSEANN
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Michael,
I hope that you get the help that you both need and deserve.
Love Helen