Registering EPA and Notification

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Nebiroth, Jan 26, 2007.

  1. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    Sadly the time may well have come to activate my Dad's EPA that he granted to me - twelve years ago! You can't say we didn't plan ahead.

    One thing trouble me, in that I have to notify him of my intent to register the EPA. The state he's in, the last thing he needs now is his son telling him I regard him as mentally incapable of managing his own affairs...

    I see that it is possible to tell the Court of Protection that you wish to not notify the donor, if that is likely to cause distress (it would!), but that you have to have evidence from the doctor for that (I'm sure our GP would do this). Has anyone had any experience of this?
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    "Only what I did myself"

    When it came that I had to register Lionel's EPA I copied the letter that I had sent to his son & daughter, and just showed it to him. It was one of those days when nothing registered, so I just filed it away with the rest of his papers.

    I received so much hassle from his immediate family (I could write a small book here) that, from his point of view, all I did was to show intent, as the Court of Protection instruct. Hope this helps,
     
  3. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Such was Aunts state of mind when we finally came to register the EPA that the letter to her remained unopened in her room for a week. If I recall correctly I opened it for her on one of my visits but she wasn't the slightest bit interested in looking at it.
     
  4. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    The guardianship website clearly states

    "you do not have to notify the donor/patient if it will cause distress "

    In actuality IMHE they tend to have so little understanding of what letters/forms say it probably would not matter if you did give him formal notification
     
  5. angela3

    angela3 Registered User

    Nov 17, 2006
    3
    middlesex
    epa

    Not yet - but I fear it won't be long - I apparently am in a coven, as in Macbeth, 2 of my sisters are the other witches, the other one, we have made an honoury, secret member because she wants to be! I did a 200 mile round trip on Wednesday, just to make sure the Dr got into the house to assess her - she wouldn't go to the hospital appt because Morse was on! And she told us that the hospital was closed due to MRSA! I feel for you - we only want the best for our Mum, and she denies all help believing she is ok - what a fool she is.
    I'm going to do MY epa this year! It's changed - the one for this year allows your next of kin, or appointees to give the decision to turn off any medical eqpt in the event of an accident - I'm actually scared of getting like my Mum in later years especially if her condition is hereditary and I'm only 55 - I don't wwant to give my children the grief she's giving us. Take care
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Given mum's swings between lucidity and total lack of understanding (never mind mood swings) ..... I looked at the possibility of GP 'evidence' ... then decided that even greater distress could be caused later if/when she realised I had not only applied for registration ... but talked to her GP 'behind her back' ......

    It was a case of picking the timing ..... on a 'good day' I would have been thanked for being so wonderful and organising everything for her ... on a 'bad' day I wouldn't have muttered a thing without bodyguards present! My solicitor did suggest I could 'just stick it (the notification!) in a drawer' - how would mum remember anyway? But for my own conscience I felt better for trying to explain it to her face to face - and very grateful she didn't seem to understand a word I said!

    In hindsight I was very keyed up about 'this is a declaration that mum is mentally incapable' when in fact she is still very capable of many things on a 'good day' ... just not managing her money or understanding what she might be signing..... hence the need to register ....

    Amongst all the other 'hats' we have to wear as carers, I think this is where the 'saleman's pitch' has to come in ..... including for ourselves..... I wasn't far off Connie's 'method' with a dash of: .... 'Look, mum here's another piece of paper to sort out ... but don't worry - I'll do everything that needs to be done ... AND file it away for you ... ;) you don't have to worry about anything :) ..... aren't I wonderful?':rolleyes:

    Good luck - whichever way you decide to approach it!

    Love, Karen, x
     
  7. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    618
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Connie hi,

    can we become co-authors? in the book?

    The hassle (and most from my own family) has been almost funny they went so berserk when I registered the POA and informed them officially!!-- even visited en masse!

    My daughter blew it a bit when asked to help me with Monique instead of watching Big Brother, threw a tantrum and exited at 23.00 with balding boy friend in tow, in search of a good hotel and returned to Angleterre the next morning.

    Very sadly we live in the centre of the old town, surrounded with hotels half empty in the winter.. Very happily none have UK TV or Big Brother!!!

    It is interesting how the £ concentrates the minds of the onlookers!

    As a result of this visit I sent them all by recorded delivery the following letter:-
    To be fair my son has telephoned to ask why 'recorded delivery' - answer - to be certain that unlike emails, which are ignored, every body know the problem and can never say 'I didn't know'.

    He was pleasant and is talking with his girl friend... Maybe..

    I have a feeling that the only way to deal with 'family' is to be tough/rough - tell them what the situation is = then cut them out of your will!!

    crocodile smile

    Michael
     
  8. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Dear Michael
    How I feel for you.
    Family can be the worst when it comes to helping, but I would have thought your daughter would have wanted to help her mother and to give one week of her life after a life time of love from her mother is not too much to ask.

    I am lucky in that my daughter and son both care enough for their father and me to support us both.
    I agree that you should spend your money how you want and leave them nothing in your will.
    Hope you get some response from your letter.
    Sending you love and lots of hugs [I know they don`t help in a practical way] but just to let you know we are thinking of you.
    All the best ROSEANN
     
  9. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Michael,
    I hope that you get the help that you both need and deserve.
    Love Helen
     
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Michael - you are an absolute star!

    and I hope it has the desired effect
     

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