Yesterday I broached the subject of respite care with my husband. He has frontal lobe dementia, extremely poor mobility and increasing incontinence. He had two weeks in respite care last September which while not a resounding success was OK. He has always said he doesn't want anyone but me to look after him so to actually get him to accept respite last year was an achievement. Well yesterday was a totally different matter. He immediately said I'm not going to be dumped somewhere so you can live your life! I was shocked! I'd been prepared for resistance but this was something else. He is adamant that he wants to stay at home and have a live in carer. I've explained to him that this isn't possible because we don't have a spare room but he doesn't understand. He told me we have a room upstairs that isn't used,we live in a bungalow! He now frequently thinks we are living somewhere else, not at home and often asks when we are going home or says we should have stayed at home. He regularly asks where the toilet is. We have lived here for over 50 years and it hasn't moved! Anyway I digress. My problem now is how do I convince him to accept that I need a break and he needs to go into respite care. He said some very hurtful things yesterday evening, reminiscent of pre diagnosis. He cried and said it would be better if he were dead. When he gets like this there's no reasoning with him. Whatever I say he becomes like a child in the playground throwing back silly remarks. If I say I'm tired and it's hard work he tells me it's the same for him. I've said if I become ill he will have to go into full time care and I don't want that and neither does he but he still won't budge. He doesn't see why he is the one who has to move out.
Does anyone have any suggestions please.
Does anyone have any suggestions please.