Refusing self care

Jillysvintage

New member
May 28, 2018
6
My mother has Lewy Body Dementia and is currently in a residential where most of the residents have dementia, but it’s not an EMI. She is refusing to shower, although asked at least once a day. She won’t have her hair done or her feet, believing she has had both done the previous week at her mothers (she’s over 80 herself!) I know she can’t be made to have a shower/wash her hair but there must be some protocol on this. I have POA but it’s a long story and the new GP (who has met her twice) currently says she has capacity - given that she causes problems for the other residents, is aggressive with them and the carers, has no idea about where she is etc, I am currently challenging this. What is the protocol or suggestion of a way forward with her personal care? The home also believe she lacks capacity and I am otherwise happy with them.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,652
England
When my husband was in nursing care the secret seemed to be for the Carers to keep asking. Asking once was just no good. Another way with some of the residents was to just say it’s time for a shower/bath/haircut a statement as against the question, do you want.

They were toileted every two hours and some would go when requested others would get up if told they were going for walk and the walk always included a stop off at the bathroom. My husband could be bribed to do anything by the offer of a piece of cake after. There must be dozens of ways around these problems, it just needs the Carers to understand their residents. Of course there have to be failures.
 

rainbowcat

Registered User
Oct 14, 2015
139
Another way with some of the residents was to just say it’s time for a shower/bath/haircut a statement as against the question, do you want.
YES...this is how I managed to get my Dad to have regular showers and washes, the carers were told to TELL him that "it's shower day" rather than ask "do you want". Dad ALWAYS refused "do you want", but hasn't ever refused being told that it IS shower day so time for shower NOW. etc.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,441
Dorset
When The Banjoman refuses personal care they go back to him a little later, maybe with a different carer and sometimes it works!