• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can access this area by going to the Health and wellbeing forum >here< or you can directly access the area >here<.

Refused to talk to me

Suemont

Registered User
My Mum and Stepfather have moved into a very nice Nursing Home. My mother has Alzheimer's / Dementia - she's 97. She was the one who wanted to move (for months she was asking me to move them but my stepfather refused so they had carers at home). When my stepfather got ill with pneumonia and had to spend time in hospital he agreed to move. So move they did.
After wanting to move, my mother says she hates it there and wants now to go home (which she really can't as she can't cope). She's been very aggressive and hostile to her husband and refuses to get dressed (she was like that for a long time before they moved). If she had her way she'd stay in bed all day.

But she's always been OK with me (I live abroad and my husband's sick so I can't be there at the moment). Today, for the first time ever, she refused to talk to me and my stepfather says she's in a kind of trance. Can anyone explain this? I feel so hurt she won't speak to me.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,025
Scotland
Come on Sue! Your Mum is 97. If she wants to be awkward you can cut her a little slack without being hurt. She is safe and being looked after until you get to see her. That's great.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Hello Suemont, and a warm welcome to Talking Point, where I'm sure you'll get lots of helpful advice and support, as I do.

My own mam, with Alzheimer's, has recently stopped speaking very much. She seems to be locked in her own world and can go hours without saying anything. She lives with my Dad, and we can't decide whether this reluctance to speak is a result of some new medication she's recently been put on, or if it's a natural progression of the disease. It's so difficult to tell.

I know it upsets my dad very much, and I think that's understandable.

Would it be possible to speak to your mum's GP, or perhaps the nurse or manager of the home, and get their perspective on this new development?

Do keep posting and tell us how you get on.
 

Suemont

Registered User
Lovely! Yes, marionq, she's 97 and I quite agree she's allowed to have a touch of awkwardness. You made me smile :)

Yes, they're both being very well looked after and I'll certainly let you know how things go, College Girl.
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,710
Wiltshire
Sounds a bit like old fashioned emotional blackmail to me! LOL I can understand you being upset and I think there is a danger that this becomes an obsession for your mum in that she is focussed so much on this issue that there is nothing that is going to shift her. I know with my mother that despite having bad dementia where she couldn't remember things from one minute to the next, give her something to obsess about and nothing was forgotten. Everything was recalled in minute detail for months on end! LOL Maybe there is a half way house that you could conspire with your step-father and the care home staff with in order to de-stress your mum. You can all tell her consistently that she cannot leave the home until the GP says her husband is well again. You tell her that if she settles down and shows everyone that she can get along with her husband and is able to do the things she would need to do if she was home, then the GP will review the situation in 2/3 months time. Bit like dangling the carrot that keeps moving, then the review date can move too.

Fiona
 

Suemont

Registered User
Sounds a bit like old fashioned emotional blackmail to me! LOL I can understand you being upset and I think there is a danger that this becomes an obsession for your mum in that she is focussed so much on this issue that there is nothing that is going to shift her. I know with my mother that despite having bad dementia where she couldn't remember things from one minute to the next, give her something to obsess about and nothing was forgotten. Everything was recalled in minute detail for months on end! LOL Maybe there is a half way house that you could conspire with your step-father and the care home staff with in order to de-stress your mum. You can all tell her consistently that she cannot leave the home until the GP says her husband is well again. You tell her that if she settles down and shows everyone that she can get along with her husband and is able to do the things she would need to do if she was home, then the GP will review the situation in 2/3 months time. Bit like dangling the carrot that keeps moving, then the review date can move too.

Fiona
Oh that's an excellent suggestion and one I'll certainly do (LOL - the review date can move too).