Refusal to sign Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA)

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by LindyN, Sep 15, 2018.

  1. LindyN

    LindyN New member

    Apr 5, 2018
    7
    Please help! Has anyone had a partner with Alzheimer's who had refused to sign the LPA forms?

    This is what happened this evening. I had tried to explain the LPA and told my husband that a very kind friend who knows us both well would be acting as Certificate Provider. My son (a lawyer) also came - he will also be an attorney. I went out so my friend could explain the LPA in her role as Certificate Provider. When I came back she said my husband had refused to listen but went off to study the forms himself.

    He said all this was a surprise and he didn't need a Power of Attorney. I explained that the Power of Attorney was there in case needed - not to come into force at once - and that he could still make decisions.

    He seemed either to have forgotten my explanations or chose to behave as if I hadn't provided any. I did feel sorry for him as it must be terrible to accept your diagnosis. I wonder if he's in denial. I have set up joint bank accounts and pay all our bills and arrange everything for us both (house maintenance, diaries, events, social life etc).

    I also felt sorry for our friend (who lives quite far away) who had come to stay the night and my son who came by to sign the forms. I now have a month to get the forms off.

    Any advice very gratefully received.
    LindyN
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,660
    Female
    Scotland
    When we got this done it was for both of us. I think my husband would have been suspicious if it had only been POA for him. I explained like you it was in case either of us needed our daughters to step in. He was fine with that.
     
  3. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,455
    I agree with @marionq you need to get them done for both of you at the same time as he may find it more acceptable.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,904
    Kent
    Yes my husband and I got mutual powers of attorney and he was incomplete agreement.
     
  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,940
    Female
    Dundee
    That's exactly what I did. My husband didn't question it at all.
     
  6. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,400
    south-east London
    Likewise, my husband and myself took out mutual POAs at the same time, naming each other and our son and daughter as attorneys. He was quite happy to sign.
     
  7. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,469
    Ireland
    My husband suffered from extreme paranoia, and was very suspicious of everything. He wouldn't entertain a power of attorney either. In fact, I did very well in getting mirror Wills done! That was the best I could hope for, and was important, as he had several adult children from his first marriage. We managed without the power of attorney, because we had a joint bank account, and I did everything online.
     
  8. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,203
    Essex
    Dear Lindy,

    Whilst I suggest you follow Marion and Sylvia's advice you might like to know how dad got his POAs. When I first approached him about this before diagnosis he didn't like the thought of someone else looking after his money but I went ahead and spoke to my brothers about it and downloaded all the forms and started to fill them in. I then went back to dad and said this form would help me to pay your bills and stop you getting overdrawn at the bank. It would also help you to look after the house. I did say that these are POA forms but I tried to keep it as simple as possible so what I'm trying to say is that I know it is frustrating but when you approach your husband the second time round the chances are he would have forgotten about you approaching him the first time. You could almost get away with saying that you are just trying to safeguard your money and property and it is just a form that he needs to sign. Either way you have to do it and you may have to consider the POA for Health as well.

    Good luck

    MaNaAk
     
  9. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,455
    I would stop trying to persuade him if I were you as this will only reinforce his decision of not wanting it done.

    You may have to change tactics if you want him to agree. Try to turn it into his idea somehow. Perhaps you could get a friend of his (someone he respects would be good) to casually bring up the subject saying that they have just had it done and what a good idea it is and that everyone should do it to safe guard their own future and that of their family.

    It would be a good idea to get the forms printed and ready beforehand and maybe do it for both of you as he may find that more acceptable.
     

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