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Refusal to get PoA


New member
Jan 16, 2020
Hi Guys, So in the last year I have become my mothers carer, she has moved in with me which is exceptionally difficult as we have always had a difficult relationship - she has always hero worshiped my brother and seen me as a shoddy lesser relation. She has always denied this but it was proven it stark relief today when during a consultation with the Memory Clinic she said she wouldn't give me Power of Attorney as she 'wouldn't have me benefit from it'.
I'm at a complete loss what to do - my Mum has no savings, for the first time today the word 'Alzheimers' was used and she is moving towards medication. At the moment she is in a position to manage her money - but what happens when she isn't as she won't give me PoA - how will I organise care for her if i can't access her money to pay for it? What happens in these situations?


Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
Hello @Henny2020 it's a difficult position for you but as your mother has always 'hero worshipped' your brother could he talk to her about getting PoA? If you were both joint & several attorneys would that help do you think?

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
I think @Louise7 has an excellent suggestion. I'm assuming you have a reasonably good relationship with your brother. I had PoA jointly and severally with my sister, although at first my mother didn't want to include her. But I simply ignored what Mum said and had my sister included.


Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
High Peak
You might also explain to her (if she's able to understand) that giving you PoA is exactly the opposite of what she thinks! Tell her everything has to be documented and it is scrutinised by the courts (not exactly true but hey-ho) to make sure her money is properly managed and looked after and that as PoA it's against the law for you to spend any yourself. That might convince her. You could add that otherwise, someone from social services will be appointed to manage her money and that she will be charged (big/huge/enormous) fees for that. (Again, not exactly true but close)

Such things always worked with my mum as she hated the idea of SS 'busybodies' knowing her business or being involved in her life in any way.


Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
Cost is the way to go! Tell her it will cost far more for things to be done through a the Court of Protection if she won’t donate LPA to you as they charge an annual fee to supervise Deputyship (and if she is no longer capable of running her own affairs that’s what will happen) and it will make life far harder for both of you!

if you don’t want to use the big “D” or “A” words say it would be used if she ever had an accident or a stroke and was in hospital and unable to access her finances.
It sounds like you have a tough time ahead of you but Good Luck and use the board as much as you want, there will be somebody here who can advise you or just listen when you need to rant!