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Refusal to be assessed

Roxylady81

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
5
Refusal to be assessed advice please

Hi, I finally managed to get my gran to my doctors, she went there for unrelated issues but I spoke to the doctor in advance about my concerns she has dementia. She spoke to me after the appointment and has immediately arranged an emergency assessment at our home, my gran is unaware of this and I know will refuse to comply with anyone if questioned. If she refuses to comply are they able to insist she cooporates? The doctor seemed to think it is quite serious especially as she keeps running off in cabs spending hundreds at a time to go to her old house where she is not capable to look after herself anymore, I am helpless to stop her other than hiding her wallet or locking her in!!
 
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Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
Hi, I finally managed to get my gran to my doctors, she went there for unrelated issues but I spoke to the doctor in advance about my concerns she has dementia. She spoke to me after the appointment and has immediately arranged an emergency assessment at our home, my gran is unaware of this and I know will refuse to comply with anyone if questioned. If she refuses to comply are they able to insist she cooporates? The doctor seemed to think it is quite serious especially as she keeps running off in cabs spending hundreds at a time to go to her old house where she is not capable to look after herself anymore, I am helpless to stop her other than hiding her wallet or locking her in!!
Hi Roxylady

Well done on getting your gran to the GP and good that they have arranged an assessment. You say she will refuse to comply, probability is she is unable to reply. When your brain isn't functioning on the 'inside' you can't tell people on the 'outside' what it is like. You may be able to help the situation by writing down as much as you can of her behaviours and your concerns to aid their assessment, any assessor only gets a 'snapshot' on a visit so your knowledge and input is vital in helping them assess her needs, and yours.

Hope you get a good assessor
Best wishes
Sue
 
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Roxylady81

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
5
Hi Roxylady

Well done on getting your gran to the GP and good that they have arranged an assessment. You say she will refuse to comply, probability is she is unable to reply. When your brain isn't functioning on the 'inside' you can't tell people on the 'outside' what it is like. You may be able to help the situation by writing down as much as you can of her behaviours and your concerns to aid their assessment, any assessor only gets a 'snapshot' on a visit so your knowledge and input is vital in helping them assess her needs, and your.

Hope you get a good assessor
Best wishes
Sue
Thank you Sue,

I just finished writing a list of all her behaviours and asked a close family friend to do the same, knowing my gran she will just say to go away and does not wish to answer any of their questions and say they are making her I'll and shut down. I really want her to be assessed so I can help her feel better, her anxiety levels are through the roof and is adamant she needs no care!
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
Thank you Sue,

I just finished writing a list of all her behaviours and asked a close family friend to do the same, knowing my gran she will just say to go away and does not wish to answer any of their questions and say they are making her I'll and shut down. I really want her to be assessed so I can help her feel better, her anxiety levels are through the roof and is adamant she needs no care!
I fully understand, I have one of those too:rolleyes: and my own symptoms, but your nan is right it does make you ill and shut down when people try and make you talk about something that you really can't communicate most of the time.

Did the GP check her for a urinary infection?
 

Roxylady81

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
5
I fully understand, I have one of those too:rolleyes: and my own symptoms, but your nan is right it does make you ill and shut down when people try and make you talk about something that you really can't communicate most of the time.

Did the GP check her for a urinary infection?
I am really ignorant to this and clearly have a lot to learn, I hope I can get a better understanding for it all once she is diagnosed. GP has given her a sample pot but will be a challenge to get her to use it!
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
I am really ignorant to this and clearly have a lot to learn, I hope I can get a better understanding for it all once she is diagnosed. GP has given her a sample pot but will be a challenge to get her to use it!
Getting a sample can be difficult but urine infections (UTIs) can often cause exacerbation of underlying symptoms. If you can get her to drink as much fluid (non alcoholic) as possible. You are far from alone in being ignorant of the disease but its a high learning curve. Your Nan is lucky to have you as a caring granddaughter.:)
 

Roxylady81

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
5
Getting a sample can be difficult but urine infections (UTIs) can often cause exacerbation of underlying symptoms. If you can get her to drink as much fluid (non alcoholic) as possible. You are far from alone in being ignorant of the disease but its a high learning curve. Your Nan is lucky to have you as a caring granddaughter.:)
Thank you Sue,

She does drink tea like it's going out of fashion but not much else.
Feeling incredibly nervous and guilty about this as I know this is her worst nightmare come true and she hates any interference from the outside.
When they come and visit it will be a very traumatic experience for all involved.
Keep all your fingers crossed for me! Thank you for the link, I will certainly look through it.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
You are indeed a wonderful grand daughter xxx In her own interests it might be sensible as a temporary measure to remove her wallet for her own benefit
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,617
USA
Just wanted to offer support that you are doing the right thing. I have been in your shoes to some degree (in my case, a mother with hideous anxiety due to the dementia, and refusing all help). I had to wait for the crisis (mother found outside in winter, no coat, disoriented, lost, and hallucinating). I am so glad you are able to get an assessment.

I understand you saying your nan wouldn't want this, and we do know what you mean, but you have to do what has to be done, to keep her safe.

Also please be open to the possibility that while the assessment may be stressful, the eventual outcome could be better than how things are now. As a result of the assessment, perhaps your grandmother:

-will be safe
-will get needed medical care/medications
-will get good nutrition
-will get relief from the anxiety

And so on. You are a good granddaughter and she is lucky to have someone who cares.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself. Many here know about the guilt, but often we have to make the difficult choice of giving someone what they need (keeping someone safe and cared for), versus what they say they want. We know it's not easy.

Hang in there. We are on your team!
 

Roxylady81

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
5
Just wanted to offer support that you are doing the right thing. I have been in your shoes to some degree (in my case, a mother with hideous anxiety due to the dementia, and refusing all help). I had to wait for the crisis (mother found outside in winter, no coat, disoriented, lost, and hallucinating). I am so glad you are able to get an assessment.

I understand you saying your nan wouldn't want this, and we do know what you mean, but you have to do what has to be done, to keep her safe.

Also please be open to the possibility that while the assessment may be stressful, the eventual outcome could be better than how things are now. As a result of the assessment, perhaps your grandmother:

-will be safe
-will get needed medical care/medications
-will get good nutrition
-will get relief from the anxiety

And so on. You are a good granddaughter and she is lucky to have someone who cares.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself. Many here know about the guilt, but often we have to make the difficult choice of giving someone what they need (keeping someone safe and cared for), versus what they say they want. We know it's not easy.

Hang in there. We are on your team!
Thank you Amy,

I am desperately hoping to avoid the crisis moment, she lives with me and want her to continue to do so. If the doctor has ordered an emergency assessment perhaps that means she will have to go through with it, I am not sure how it all works, I just know my gran and she will refuse!
It has been going on for many years and have avoided doing this for so long, I just feel she is starting to put herself in harms way...
So very sad, but at 92 think she has done fantastically, has the fire in her belly and stubborness of a teenager lol