My mother in law talks obsessively about money. Since she has become less mobile, she has given me her debit card to collect her some cash when I go to the bank. Since her dementia has started and she is rapidly going downhill, she has started to say that I am keeping things from her, that she is not getting her letters from the bank, etc. In September 2014, at her request, we prepared a letter to her banks asking for evidence of her holdings. All but one duly sent the information TO HER, which she opened and then hid away. She then asked me to put down where the various accounts were and gave me all the envelopes. For some reason she has kept her October 2014 bank statement hidden, and continues to claim that she has not received it. Despite having done as she asked, she is now insisting that I am hiding her money, dipping into her accounts and keeping secrets from her. I have tried to sit her down and explain, and even offered to get professional help, if she does not understand. Her response is to shout at me and steal keys to a bureau which will be returned when she knows about her finances! I am at a loss how to proceed, as the abuse is becoming more violent, and I am not sure who best to contact about this. Thanks.
Refusal to accept help
- Thread starter Jelbem
- Start date
Hi, does anyone hold the LPA for your MIL? If not, then either get one filled in and signed/witnessed and registered asap or alternately give her her card back and take her to the bank every time she wants money and have nothing to do with her financial affairs.
No. I am on my own here, as my husband died 6 years ago. I have tried to involve other family members and they do not want to help. I have spoken to her GP, but unless SHE asks no one seems bothered. I have consulted a solicitor but they say that she must consent - which she won't. I have all the documentation for all transactions. If I refuse, I go through hell. She will not go out in the cold weather - makes all sorts of excuses - so we are at an impasse.
i don't have a solution but I think it has to be borne in mind that this is the illness speaking. That means that no amount of rationalising will bring her around and there is in my view little point in 'punishing' her by refusing to get money for her.
She is suffering from paranoia and sadly those closest can be become targets. i think you need some professional help to deal with the underlying symptom. Could a GP, Admiral Nurse or Dementia advisor help give you help on how to cope with this? Paranoid thinking can sometimes be helped with medication but it may also be just her way of trying to cry out and say she feels out of control, unable to trust anyone, scared stupid by what is happening to her.
Perhaps it is time her situation was re-assessed, she may be getting to a point where she can't manage but is too proud to admit that? Understanding bank statements and numbers seems to be something that for some people goes quite early and most cause the person huge vexation. It is easier for the oerson to think someone is at fault rather than that they can't manage their money themselves. You have my sympathy; I remember waving bank statements under my mother's nose because I couldn't understand why she couldn't understand them and in hindsight I realise it was all a passing phase in the progression of her dementia. Now, a year later, my Mum never worries about money any more. She believes she is fabulously wealthy and is quite happy not to know anything about the money side, having spent a lifetime keeping accounts and checking her bank statements.
She is suffering from paranoia and sadly those closest can be become targets. i think you need some professional help to deal with the underlying symptom. Could a GP, Admiral Nurse or Dementia advisor help give you help on how to cope with this? Paranoid thinking can sometimes be helped with medication but it may also be just her way of trying to cry out and say she feels out of control, unable to trust anyone, scared stupid by what is happening to her.
Perhaps it is time her situation was re-assessed, she may be getting to a point where she can't manage but is too proud to admit that? Understanding bank statements and numbers seems to be something that for some people goes quite early and most cause the person huge vexation. It is easier for the oerson to think someone is at fault rather than that they can't manage their money themselves. You have my sympathy; I remember waving bank statements under my mother's nose because I couldn't understand why she couldn't understand them and in hindsight I realise it was all a passing phase in the progression of her dementia. Now, a year later, my Mum never worries about money any more. She believes she is fabulously wealthy and is quite happy not to know anything about the money side, having spent a lifetime keeping accounts and checking her bank statements.
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Thanks for this, that is my feeling too. I have an appointment next week with Admiral Nurse, it has taken 2 months to get that. I am afraid GP and Dementia advisor just see her "good" phases and do not seem to take me seriously - we get a telephone call when they say 'your daughter-in-law says ....' MIL says she is fine, then I get further grief! As the GP says she has mild cognitive problems, I am hoping the Admiral Nurse can advise as you say. I feel happier knowing that it is what it is, and I will keep on truckin'!
